The pandemic is testing sibling rivalry -- and you

Praise your children when they're playing nicely and getting along.

(CNN)Is the pandemic taking sibling rivalry to another, more feral level? Or is so much enforced proximity building stronger bonds between sisters and brothers?

Parents struggling to work while kids snarl insults and hurl objects at one another can be forgiven for thinking that it's the former scenario that's playing out while schools are closed as a result of Covid-19.
But with the distraction of friends, soccer and playdates an increasingly distant memory, some kids may be realizing that a sibling can, in fact, be a decent playmate, potentially strengthening a relationship that will support them throughout their lives.
Early findings from a study involving more than 500 families in the United Kingdom indicated that two-thirds of families reported stronger sibling relationships and fewer than one in five reported increased conflict, said Claire Hughes, a developmental psychology professor at the University of Cambridge's Centre for Family Research.
"There may be some really positive things that come from this," said Hughes, who is researching how family relationships are affected by stay-at-home orders and other coronavirus-related restrictions.
Hughes, who is the coauthor of "Why Siblings Matter: The Role of Brother and Sister Relationships in Development and Well-Being," cautioned that her research is at a very early stage.
The parents with time to fill out an online questionnaire right now are likely to be the ones who have more resources, she added. But from the sample she had so far, "the message we're getting is that siblings are stepping up and reconnecting with each other."
That's what Anna Blest, a London mother to three children, ages 6, 4 and 2, has been experiencing.
"I really did expect more rows. It hasn't been like the Waltons, but it's been more pleasant than I expected, given there's no other children or activities to leaven the mix," she said.
"It's them on their own. Boy, girl, boy. (My eldest) likes typical boy activities like football, but he's been at home playing really imaginative things. Staging a show and involving his sister. He's been kind."

Why siblings are important

There are three considerations to take into account when it comes to sibling relationships, which can help parents understand what's going on between brothers and sisters trapped at home with only each other for company.
First, they're involuntary. We don't choose our siblings and as a result, "there is an inherent love/hate dynamic," which means that "interactions have a no-holds barred characteristic," Hughes said.
Second, they are the longest lasting of all our close relationships. Siblings are our fellow travelers. "They will know you inside out, and this shared history can be really valuable when you are going through a crisis."
There's some research that has suggested sibling relationships are more influential than relationships with friends or one's own children for maintaining good health in old age.
Three, they're incredibly important developmentally, even though sibling ties have often taken a back seat in debates around the importance of parents. They help children try out new social and emotional behavior, particularly when it comes to conflict, helping them learn ways to manage emotions, particularly negative ones, and develop awareness of other people's thoughts and feelings.
"They can withstand a lot of negativity. Things that wouldn't fly in a friendship. You would lose a friendship, but your sibling is there the next day," said Laurie Kramer, a professor of applied psychology at Northeastern University.
It's this dynamic that Nathalie Towner has seen play out during London's lockdown between her son, 11, and daughter, 6.
"The older one is usually all about his friends and is off to secondary school soon. He's frustrated, and the first and only available victim is his younger sister," she said.
"But when they're not goading each other it can work as well. He's played games with her he hasn't played in a long time — like hide and seek — that he wouldn't normally do."
Sibling relationships are also highly variable with huge differences as a result of age gaps, birth order and gender. Nor, it's important to note, is a sibling "necessary or sufficient" in life. It's not like only children are mi