Breaking a world record doesn’t always require immense skill or a unique trait you were born with. Anything can be record-breaking, if it’s specific enough.
It’s like Mad Libs: Think of a verb and an oddly specific noun. Throw a location in, if you want, where you will verb that noun. If you’re creative, you may have a record attempt on your hands.
That’s if someone didn’t beat you to it.
The Guinness World Records 2020 book is full of brand new feats and others that have gone unbroken for years because they’re too strange to be outdone. Here are some of the funniest feats from this year’s roundup.
Most mayonnaise eaten in 3 minutes
This record, shockingly, belongs to a 112-pound woman. Michelle “Cardboard Shell” Lesco downed three-and-a-half jars of the divisive condiment in just three minutes. That’s over FIVE POUNDS of mayonnaise consumed in the length of the average pop song.
Is she being forced to do this? Couldn’t she have slurped five pounds of soup instead? It’s harrowing to watch this woman gobble an obscene amount of mayonnaise. Sure, it earned her a world record, but AT WHAT COST?
Demolishing food is Lesco’s livelihood. The competitive eater is ranked 10th in the world in Major League Eating. She also holds the more appetizing world record for fastest time to eat a bowl of pasta at 26.69 seconds.
Sweet, sweet Humphrey the miniature zebu stands just over two feet tall. Joe and Shelly Gardner bought the petite bull at an auction in Iowa in 2017, and he was so wee they didn’t realize he was already 2 years old.
The diminutive bull spent his days eating and hanging out with much bigger cattle. If there were an award for world’s cutest zebu, he’d win it in a heartbeat.
Shelly told CNN Humphrey passed away earlier this year, so he’s holding the record now in the Great Beyond.
Most candles extinguished by nunchucks in one minute
Xie Desheng snuffed out 52 open flames with nothing but ninja-like precision. He just whacks the tip of the candles with his nunchucks. His grace under fire (ha) deserves praise.
Largest paradise cocktail
Snoop Dogg fittingly presented a monstrous gin and juice at a Napa food festival in 2018, but no drink has managed to dethrone it yet. (There is the broader “largest cocktail” record, which went to a 10,500-gallon margarita in 2012.)
Guinness said the tropical drink contained 180 bottles of gin, 154 bottles of apricot brandy and 28 jugs of orange juice. It was garnished with a watermelon on a sword and a giant parasol, and it could’ve doubled as an alcoholic jacuzzi.
Greatest (gratest?) variety of cheese on a pizza
One might argue there is no amount of cheese on a pizza that could ever be considered “too much.” Cheese, except to those who are lactose intolerant or vegan, is the music that makes plain pizza crust sing.
But let’s be real – is 154 varieties of cheese on one pizza too much?
A pizzeria in Melbourne, Australia, holds the record for the amalgam of dairy. Just reading about it is enough to inspire a tummy ache for some.
A few questions: What could this possibly taste like? Are there only two shreds of each type of cheese on the pie to make them all fit? How does one crust carry the weight of it all?
Its creator Johnny Di Francesco told Guinness he was inspired by Donatello (as in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, not the renowned Renaissance sculptor) who once said that a pizza with 99 cheeses would be a “culinary impossibility.” Should it have stayed that way?
Longest hair on a teenager
A good haircut can change your mood. A bad haircut might earn you a record-breaking feat.
Nilanshi Patel, a 16-year-old from Gujarat, India, vowed to never again cut her hair after a disastrous ‘do at 6 traumatized her. Now her locks are 5 feet, 7 inches – longer than she is.
She told Guinness it takes her about an hour and a half to dry and comb all the way through. And she likes it that way.
Most consecutive pinky pull ups
Full-handed pull ups are already impressive. So why would anyone try doing them with their weakest digit?
Tazio Gavioli of Cavezzo, Italy, did. 36 times, per the 2020 record book. That’s just 32 fewer pull ups than the man who holds the record for most pull ups in one minute. But cut Gavioli some slack; he’s working with eight less fingers.
Guinness said he took up the thankless task to show solidarity for his cat that lost its paw in an accident. Carrying the kitty on his shoulders while completing the pull-ups would’ve made victory that much sweeter.
Honorable Mention: Fastest marathon as a landmark
Lukas Bates didn’t crack this record, attempted during April’s London Marathon. His Big Ben costume, while patriotic, was ultimately too tall to make it under the finish line banner in time. But it sure was funny to watch him bumbling down the street without arm holes. No word on which landmark beat him.
However, there WERE winners who broke records for fastest marathon run in oddly specific costumes, including a woman dressed as a nut, a male nun and a man dressed as an astronomical body. Because if you try something odd, it might just be a world record.