You'll never believe what Trump said about the Mueller report today

Washington (CNN)"The Mueller report came out -- that's the Bible."

That is a real quote said on Planet Earth by Donald John Trump on May 9, 2019.
Yes, that's the same Donald Trump who is the President of the United States. And who has spent much of the past 18 months running down special counsel Robert Mueller, the team he assembled and the report he released on Russian interference in the 2016 election and the possibility that the President obstructed that probe.
In fact, in the same impromptu press conference at the White House on Thursday where Trump praised the Mueller report as the "Bible," he also said the following:
    1. The special counsel investigation was run by "17 or 18 very angry Democrats who hated Donald Trump."
    2. "Bob Mueller's no friend of mine, I had conflicts with him."
    3. " You look at the picture file and you see hundreds of pictures of [Mueller] and Comey."
    (None of those allegations are, strictly speaking, true. Here's fact check for No. 1 and No. 2. As for No. 3, I have no idea what a "picture file" is.)
    The argument Trump appears to be making -- to the extent he's making one at all -- is that while Mueller and everyone who worked for him were deeply corrupt and hated Trump, the report they produced should not be questioned. (Even though, of course, Trump himself has questioned the findings of the report. Repeatedly.)
    Here's the thing: Trump uses situational logic and ethics like a champ. The Mueller report is the "Bible" because it didn't charge him or his son, Donald Trump Jr.
    As Trump added: "The Mueller report came out and they said [Don Jr.] did nothing wrong." (Which is not exactly true, either; instead, Mueller's team said his office declined to pursue charges because they thought the prosecution would have "difficulties" proving that campaign officials "willfully" violated the law.)
      When the Mueller report doesn't serve his purposes, it's terrible. When it does, it's the Bible. It's really that simple.
      The Point: Donald Trump means what he says. But only in the second he says it.