Stephen Colbert has some advice for Americans braving the extremely cold temperatures in the Midwest, especially in Chicago.
But in true Colbert fashion, he did it with a funny twist.
“Hey there, Chicagoans know that our cold is the worst. Here’s how you keep you bowl of sausage from snapping off. First, take all your old mustaches and sew them into a scarf. In Chicago, you shed one mustache a every year it’s like antlers with deer. Second, if you’re really cold, slice open and crawl inside a visiting Packers fan. It works I’m telling ya, it’s legal there.”
Colbert attended Northwestern University and was part of Chicago’s Second City, an improvisational theater troupe where celebrities like Bill Murray, Tiny Fey, Amy Poehler and Steve Carell all got their start.
“Finally, you’re going to need a portable source of heat,” he continued. “Get yourself two Portillo’s Italian beef with hot peppers, okay? Up against the cheeks. Do not eat your emergency warmth.”
The brutally cold temps in Chicago and other parts of the Midwest should gradually lift by week’s end. More than 3,500 flights in and out of Chicago have been canceled, and meteorologists predicted that the city could reach a record low temperature of 27 degrees below zero as of Thursday morning.