UNITED STATES - MAY 09:  Brett Kavanaugh is sowrn-in at a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on his nomination to be U. S. Circuit Judge for the Ninth Circuit.  (Photo By Chris Maddaloni/Roll Call/Getty Images)
Here's what we know about Brett Kavanaugh
06:17 - Source: CNN

Editor’s Note: Lev Golinkin came to the United States as a child refugee from the eastern Ukrainian city of Kharkov (now called Kharkiv) in 1990. He is the author of the memoir “A Backpack, a Bear, and Eight Crates of Vodka.” The opinions expressed in this commentary are his own.

CNN  — 

Meet Brett.

Brett once worked for Ken Starr, who set out to publicly humiliate Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky in the most vicious way possible. Bill was forgiven, including by many feminists.

Lev Golinkin

Ken, it seems, was forgiven, too, and he became president of Baylor University, where some athletes raped and sexually assaulted some women.

Ken, in turn, was forgiving to the athletes, and got into trouble for it. As he left Baylor, he got a $4.52 million payout as a consolation prize.

Brett then went to work for George W. Bush, who invaded Iraq on an unjustified pretext and destroyed countless lives. George then retired, took up painting and was forgiven.

Brett then got a job offer from Donald Trump, who’d done lots of horrible things and continues to do lots of horrible things, but is continuously forgiven – not just by his base, but also by GOP politicians, who claim they don’t forgive Donald but wind up voting for things he wants anyway.

In order to get the job, Brett had to go through an important job interview. Brett’s interview drew comparisons to Clarence Thomas, who was accused of harassing Anita Hill. Hill was eviscerated, but Clarence was forgiven, thanks to some help from Joe Biden. Joe has since been forgiven for helping Clarence. To this day, Joe feels the notion that he should acknowledge his full responsibility for Hill’s treatment is “unfair.”

Brett muffed his big job interview. Really muffed it. That’s when Brett was defended by John Yoo. John was a lawyer for George. While working for George, John drafted the memos that paved the way for torture and eventually resulted in terms like waterboarding and rectal hydration becoming as American as apple pie. John was forgiven for helping to create the legal groundwork for government-run torture and is now a law professor at Berkeley.

Get our free weekly newsletter

  • Sign up for CNN Opinion’s newsletter.
  • Join us on Twitter and Facebook

    Brett’s job interview was so bad, in fact, that it was mocked by Matt Damon on Saturday Night Live. Not too long ago, Matt got into trouble for his tone-deaf comments about Casey Affleck (who is now forgiven), Louis CK (who’s working on getting forgiven), and Harvey Weinstein (who hasn’t yet been forgiven, but can we really for sure say he won’t be at some point?) who all got in trouble for sexual misconduct. But Matt was really funny on SNL, so he was forgiven for equivocating about Casey, Louis, and Harvey.

    A little while later, Brett got the job.

    And now everyone’s mad at everyone else for some reason.