01:30 - Source: CNN
Colbert: Did Trump order his spine on Amazon?
CNN  — 

Anthony Scaramucci, who spent less than two weeks as the White House communications director before imploding amid a toxic mix of ego-fluffing and back-stabbing, is on something of a media tour of late. His latest attempt at image rehabilitation came Monday when he appeared on “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.”

It had good moments – and bad ones – for the “Mooch.” But, like everything Scaramucci does, it was totally and completely watchable. Here’s a review of the best 16 lines from the Mooch.

1. “I’ll pretend those [were] Mooches and not boos, Stephen.”

A very good way to deal with the – ahem – mixed greeting from the crowd. Also, I was saying “Boo-urns.”

2. “I took a list of all your comedy writers, my kill list, they’re in the back, I wrote them all down.”

Too soon! Too soon!

3. “Super bad, we know that, super bad.”

Mooch on the Nazis. Strong take.

4. “It has been super rough on me and him, but he is a compassionate person.”

So, the Charlottesville, Virginia, violence was “super rough” on President Donald Trump, who was at his golf club in New Jersey? Got it!

5. “He made a step to give up what was a luxurious lifestyle.”

This Scaramucci defense of Trump makes no sense. Look, the President could be living even higher on the hog than he currently is, so give him a break, OK? Um, no.

6. “The media expects him to do something, he sometimes does the exact opposite.”

This is smart and insightful from Scaramucci. Trump often reacts in opposition to whatever he believes the media is “telling” him to do, whether or not he believes the oppositional stance he takes.

7. “He has to move in a more moderate direction, he has to appeal to more independents and moderates who possibly voted for him to help him ascend to the presidency.”

Again, Scaramucci is almost certainly right here. Trump seems to believe that by playing solely to his base – which isn’t even the entire GOP – he can keep winning elections. There’s lots and lots of polling – not to mention scads of historical data – that argues Trump is wrong and Scaramucci is right.

8. “The front-stabber was back-stabbing.”

This, oddly enough, is the working title of my second novel.

9. “Whatever you think about me, I was pretty open about how I felt about people.”

Reince “Paranoid Schizophrenic” Priebus agrees.

10. “So the Mooch of Long Island would say there’s no love lost there.”
This quote contains multitudes. First, the Mooch referring to himself as “the Mooch of Long Island” is pretty much the most Mooch thing ever. Second, the picture Mooch is referring to is this one in which, he’s right, “there’s no love lost there.”

11. “The weird thing about my relationship with Reince is we were pretty good friends when I was a political donor writing checks to the RNC. But once I was about to enter the administration, for whatever reason, it was a little more adversarial.”

Shade thrown.

12. “If it was up to me, he would be gone, but it’s not up to me.”

This is Scaramucci on White House chief strategist Steve Bannon. Not many punches pulled in that quote.

13. “Eddie Murphy said if he could do that, he would never leave the house. No, I’m not capable of doing that.”

Well, that’s something I probably didn’t need to know.

14. “No, he’s not capable of it either. Maybe he’s doing hot yoga in there.”

Bannon and hot yoga. I didn’t think those two things would ever make it into the same sentence. Moooooooooch!

15. “I didn’t think I was going to last too long, but I thought I would last longer than a carton of milk.”

This is a good line! And, yes, of course Scaramucci had it ready for the inevitable questions about how short a time he spent in the White House. Still funny though!

16. “I’m good with the loans.”

My favorite quote of the interview. By a lot.

17. “You have to accept your fate, do it without bitterness and stay humble.”

This Mooch quote doubles as a Jack Handey “Deep Thought.” The best Jack Handey quote ever? “To me, clowns aren’t funny. In fact, they’re kind of scary. I’ve wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.”