With the nation bracing for the forthcoming, final vitriolic battle between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, Ashleigh Banfield has uncovered a third, decidedly less traditional, option.
As the march toward Election Day 2016 builds like a rock anthem crescendo, the host of CNN’s “Legal View” jerked the needle across the political record, welcoming a brand new candidate: rocker Alice Cooper.
Known as much for his on-stage showmanship and his Hall of Fame music, the 68-year-old is satirically suggesting his trademark black makeup might feel equally at home in the White House.
“Alice Cooper is an American institution now. Maybe I should be president,” the performer suggested. “You can trust me. I look at it this way: I can do nothing as well as they can do nothing. That’s my slogan.”
The campaign “writes itself”
While Trump, Clinton, and others are focusing on everything from foreign policy to economics, Cooper would run on a decidedly less political platform, including movie theater etiquette, and new rules around when and where one can use a mobile phone for personal photography.
“A ban on taking selfies except for on a designated ‘National Selfie Day,’” explained Banfield.
“Kind of like ‘The Purge,’” detailed Cooper. “‘Selfie Day’ would be like ‘The Purge’ where everybody gets to take selfies.”
Forty-four years – and 12 presidential terms – since releasing the hit song “Elected,” Cooper is struck by the direction of modern-day political discourse.
“This year there must have been comedians coming out of retirement just for this election. It writes itself almost.”
With the presumptive nominees heading towards their respective national conventions, Cooper has released tongue-in-cheek promotional material for a forthcoming concert tour, including his own spoof slogan, “Make America Sick Again.”
Nixon “the perfect target”
But as Banfield noted, 2016 hardly marks Cooper’s first foray into the political landscape.
“These are not the first election campaign politicians and presidents you’ve had a blast mocking,” she said. “You go all the way back to Nixon.”
“Nixon was the perfect target,” said Cooper. “He was one of those guys that was hard to defend on any level. Alice at that time was maybe the most dastardly character in America. Now I’m beloved.”
Beloved and accomplished. Outside of his more than two dozen albums, Cooper is a gifted golfer, arguably as comfortable with a 9-iron in his hands as a microphone stand.
“I play every day,” says Cooper of his hobby and obsession. “I’m a grandad now with two grandsons …. married 40 years. So I’m the all-American guy. Maybe I should be president.”
A president, who in 1972 penned “School’s Out,” a tune synonymous with unbridled patriotic freedom.
“It’s still the national anthem. I mean, it probably is the national anthem,” waxed Cooper, before connecting the dots from his musical movement to his political prowess.
“I’m the Francis Scott Key of rock and roll.”