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Story highlights

Vince Kelvin helps men communicate with women

He believes men should get in touch with their "alpha nature"

Go inside his pickup artist boot camp on tonight's episode of "This is Life with Lisa Ling"

Editor’s Note: Vince Kelvin – a self-described social scientist, healer and sexual adventurer – is the author of “Same Night Sex System” and owner of SeductionCoaching.com, which operates boot camps to help men learn how to better interact with women. Watch Kelvin in action on “This is Life with Lisa Ling,” Wednesday, Dec. 9, at 9 p.m. only on CNN.

(CNN) —  

Women reading this, you know how needy and desperate men can be. I am sure you’ve had your share of guys pretending to be “friends,” until they try a sneaky move and then completely switch on you after realizing they wouldn’t be “getting any.”

Not to mention how pushy a man can rapidly become the moment you open to his advances.

But why do men do that?

Men reading this, I don’t need to remind you how difficult it is to handle the constant pressure of sex-driven advertisements and the fact that – for the sake of survival of the human race – we are, by birth, wired for reproduction.

Yet, despite the fact that from the outside many men appear very serious, strong and self-assured, women – you’d be surprised by how fearful these men are of interacting with you.

Some nearly give up, others bury themselves in their work or study, and many settle for relationships with whomever is available.

Vince Kelvin, center
Vince Kelvin, center

But who is to blame? Certainly not women, as they have already had to put up with so much male oppression through history.

Perhaps men, then? Generations after such oppression, things ought to be better, but today’s men tend to be so hard on themselves when they don’t succeed with women that it further lowers their already low self-esteem.

And regardless, how is playing the blame game going to bring men and women any closer? Just as with the constant evolution of technology, we simply need a more efficient model than traditional dating.

Let’s start with an honest look at the facts of male/female anatomy. Knowing how lazy men can be, the human race would have gone extinct a long time ago if men didn’t have a built-in mechanism to encourage them to mate.

On the other hand, if women were equipped with a similar obsessive drive – even though they can be extremely sensual and orgasmic – the planet would quickly become overcrowded.

So things were set initially in divine order, but it is the management of such a system that is not always easy.

Here are three core principles that I teach my clients to become better men at all levels:

1. Love yourself first

Men, you must open your heart and learn how to love yourselves first, so you can operate from a more abundant mentality. As you experience more personal freedom, you approach life from a more honest, solid and appealing place. That, in turn, makes it not only more pleasant and appealing to women, it also gives women the freedom to choose to participate or not, without you being bound to desperately insist or to take it personally.

2. Be your best self on all levels

You don’t have to be extremely rich and handsome to be successful with women. But you do have to be confident in who you are. That’s why I encourage men to be their best self at all levels, from fashion to profession, finances to spiritual freedom.

3. Reconnect with your true masculinity

We live in a day of such comfort that, because men no longer need to hunt or fight for survival, they are becoming more and more beta (or passive) and feel helpless with the opposite sex. Helping men reconnect with their true masculinity and alpha nature means helping them to be greater leaders in their own communities and in their own lives. And that’s a greater win in the end for all.

01:33 - Source: CNN
'Let's talk about kissing'

Men unfortunately tend to be under the impression that, unless given extremely good looks or great wealth – and even then – they have few or zero options with women. And most men believe that it would be e