There’s nothing ordinary or traditional about Donald Trump’s presidential campaign, but there is one staple of a White House bid that Trump in his own, unique way has adopted: the stump speech.
Since announcing his candidacy in June, Trump has delivered several speeches across the country. Although Trump speaks without a Teleprompter and never gives the exact same speech twice, there are consistent themes, stories and ticks that make their way into each address.
Call it the Trump Stump. It’s by no measure traditional and by every measure unpredictable.
“I get up to make the speech and I speak from the heart. Look, there’s nothing,” Trump said of his speaking style, pointing out the lack of notes.
If you want to give a speech like Trump, follow these steps:
1. Arrive to the sound of a 1980s montage song, like “I am a real American” from Hulk Hogan’s WWE Days.
2. Pay your respects to the American flag.
3. Remark on the yuuuuge size of the crowd.
4. Prove your authenticity by letting women touch your hair.
5. Recall the time you called illegal immigrants “rapists.”
6. When discussing trade and foreign policy, mention China as often as possible.
7. Remind everyone that you have more money than they do.
8. Say the Bible is your favorite book and the crowd will give you a thumbs up.
9. Be sure to slam your opponents.
10. Make noises to emphasize your points.
11. Discuss your policy plans.
12. Conclude by repeating the slogan you definitely didn’t crib from Ronald Reagan.