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Mall shooter's suicide note: 'I've just snapped'

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  • NEW: "I know everyone will remember me as some sort of monster," note says
  • NEW: "I've just snapped. I can't take this meaningless existence anymore"
  • NEW: "Just think... I'm gonna be [expletive] famous," teenager writes his friends
  • Police department releases stills from surveillance video
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(CNN) -- The teenager who opened fire inside an Omaha, Nebraska, mall Wednesday wrote that he knew "everyone will remember me as some sort of monster," according to his handwritten suicide note released Friday.


Robert Hawkins is seen aiming his rifle in a still photo taken from surveillance video.

"I've been a piece of [expletive] my entire life it seems this is my only option," Robert Hawkins wrote.

"Please understand that I just don't want to be a burden on the ones that I care for my entire life," he went on to say. "I just want to take a few pieces of [expletive] with me."

The suicide note had three sections: One addressed to his friends, another to his family, and a third labeled as a will, complete with his Social Security number. See the note »

"Just think... I'm gonna be [expletive] famous," he writes his friends.

"I don't want anyone to miss me, just think about how much better you are off without me to support. I want my friends to remember all the good times we had together."

The note addressed to his family is more somber.

"I've just snapped. I can't take this meaningless existence anymore," he writes.

"I've been a constant disappointment and that trend would have only continued."

To both family and friends, Hawkins apologized.

"I'm so sorry for what I've put you all through," he wrote.

"I never meant to hurt all of you so much and I don't blame any one of you for disowning me. I just can't be a burden to you and my friends any longer. You are all better off without me. I'm so sorry for this."

The note to his family is signed "I love you mommy," with similar sentiments to his father and other people in his life.

On the note titled "My Will," Hawkins wrote: "I'm giving my car back to my mom and my friends can have whatever else I leave behind."

Earlier, chilling surveillance images made public show Hawkins walking into a department store and aiming an AK-47.

The Omaha Police Department released still photos taken before and during the shooting spree, in which nine people -- including Hawkins -- were killed.

Hawkins entered the first floor of the Von Maur store shortly after 1:30 p.m., stayed briefly, then left, said police Sgt. Teresa Negron.

About six minutes later, he returned through the same entrance.

With the weapon hidden in a sweatshirt, he took an elevator to the third floor, where he began firing.

Other photos show him leaving the store after first stepping in, then re-entering under a large Christmas wreath hanging over the doorway and making a turn for the elevators, Negron said.

The mall, closed since the shootings, will reopen Saturday, according to its Web site. A message provides phone numbers for Red Cross grief counseling, and a Web site where donations can be made to victims' families.

Hawkins killed six Von Maur employees and two shoppers before turning the gun on himself, investigators said. Video Watch a report about the victims »

Two employees remained hospitalized Friday.

One of those killed was Janet Jorgensen, who had worked in Von Maur's gift department for 14 years.

She and her husband, Ron, who were high school sweethearts, had been married 50 years in September. They were waiting to celebrate because he had just overcome a bout of cancer.

The couple has three children and nine grandchildren. Jorgensen was helping her granddaughter, Andrea, plan her wedding, and she took care of her 94-year-old mother.

Ryan Husk, a grandson who attends Wayne State College in Wayne, Nebraska, said he was at school when he heard about the shootings.

"I was just scrambling, communicating, trying to find out what's going on," he said. "We really didn't know the condition until we came back to their house" and learned his grandmother had died. Video Watch Husk say 'we're going to miss everything about her' »

The family members said they will celebrate Christmas as always.

"We're going to, just because we know that grandma is really here with us, and she would be upset if we didn't go on and make it the best Christmas just like every other Christmas," said granddaughter Andrea Husk.

"She wouldn't have wanted it any other way. So we're going to pull through this. ... "We're going to remember her, and she's going to be there with us." See profiles and a gallery of the victims

Omaha Police Chief Thomas Warren said Thursday that security personnel were watching the gunman before he started shooting but did not have an opportunity to prevent the carnage.


Hawkins entered the store through its second-floor main entrance, took an elevator to the third floor and immediately started shooting, Warren said.

One victim was on the second floor, shot from above, Warren said. Most of the rest of the victims were on the third floor near the elevator, the children's department and the customer service area, where Hawkins' body was found. E-mail to a friend E-mail to a friend

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