Travel can be a nightmare.
Christmas can be a nightmare.
Logic dictates that putting these two negatives together should make a positive.
And so it proves.
Plan wisely, packing your bags while everyone else is stuffing their stockings, and you can steer clear of the orgy of soulless materialism that some say Christmas has become.
Just don't expect to get any presents.
Or be surprised when your traveling companion introduces himself as "Mr. Scrooge."
1. Go to New Zealand
These days, one of the best ways to take a few hours out from modern life is to fly.
With in-flight cellphone reception and free Wi-Fi still relatively rare on commercial flights, it's a rare chance to escape daily stresses.
International aviation schedules keep going even over Christmas, so if you really want to spend December 25 out of the festive loop, there are few better ways than ascending to 30,000 feet.
Admittedly, you'll be dependent on your fellow passengers not trying to celebrate at altitude, but airline food will sap the festive spirit from even the most hardened traveler.
New Zealand, thanks to its remote (for most of us) Southern Hemisphere location, makes an ideal destination as it's so far from everywhere else it'll probably take you 24 hours to get there.
Unless you live in New Zealand. In which case head to Spain.
2. Go to a non-Christian country
A Moroccan souk: lots of shopping, just not for Christmas.
Since Christmas is Christianity's biggest annual shindig -- albeit one hijacked by commercialism in many countries -- another option is to head where both Christians and the pervasive forces of global commerce are confined to the sidelines.
Morocco is a perennial favorite for Christmas avoiders, particularly as it also offers a warm escape from the plunging temperatures that merely serve to compound the misery of those who hate the holidays.
Daytime temperatures can reach a pleasant 24C/75F.
You could head to the ancient imperial city of Marrakech, with its lively Djemaa el Fna square filled with musicians, dancers, apothecaries and snake charmers.
After checking into a luxury riad townhouse hotel (Riad Farnatchi, Rue Souk el Fassisi; +212 5 24 38 49 10), you can shop in the souk and sample street food such as chicken tagine with caramelized pumpkin.
The evening calls to prayer should drown out the sound of sleigh bells.
3. Go to a communist country
Same deal as before, although by communist country we essentially mean Laos.
You could try Cuba, but since Fidel Castro relented on a Christmas ban in 1998, Havana is no longer a safe haven.
France's colonial past has left its festive footprint on Vietnam, and North Korea isn't anyone's idea of a fun getaway.
You aren't entirely safe even in China, where two decades of economic reform have inspired giddy enthusiasm for Christmas's till-ringing commercialism.
Expect trees, Santas and lights in big cities such as Beijing, Shanghai and Chengdu, and ersatz Christmas dinners in rural tourist spots such as Yangshuo.
However, on the Venn diagram where absence of Christianity and communism form two overlapping circles, Laos lies dead center.
Here, centuries of Buddhist traditions largely kept French influence at bay and have both survived civil war and the onset of Marxist socialism.
Unlike everywhere else at Christmas, it's relatively cheap.
You can enjoy a Noel-free night before Christmas in Luang Prabang, where nothing stirs, except maybe the gently flowing Mekong River.
Spiritually enriching, just not the Christmas spirit
If you're avoiding Christmas to spare your soul rather than your wallet from bankruptcy, perhaps the place for you is a retreat.
By immersing yourself in the spiritually enriching possibilities of an intensive yoga course (Sivananda Yoga Vedanta Dhanwantari Ashram, Kerala, India; +91 471 227 3093) you'll not only skip the bingeing season, you'll get a head start on the January detox. Or you could try a monastery for silent meditation (such as the Wat Suan Mokkh, in Chaiya, Thailand; no telephone for obvious reasons).
Absence of carol singers guaranteed.
5. Go to a party town
This might seem counter-intuitive, but a good way to avoid the season of excess is to head somewhere it happens on a daily basis.
Although December 25 is certainly celebrated in world-class party towns like New Orleans, if anything it's slightly more low key than the rest of the year.
New Orleans' boozy scene takes it considerably easier over Christmas, making it one of the best times to visit.
In the Icelandic capital, Rejkjavik, where Nordic appetites for nightlife can leave visitors whimpering for mercy, very little happens over the Christmas holidays, making it a magically peaceful time to contemplate marvels such as the Northern Lights.
In New Orleans, one place to seek sanctuary is Loft 523 (523 Gravier Street; +1 504 200 6523). Near Reykjavik, the upscale Ion Hotel has its own Northern Lights Bar (Nesjavollum vid Thingvallavatn, 801 Selfoss; +354 482 34 15).
Volunteer where people really do need more consumer goods.
More soul-cleansing, this time via the creditable route of voluntary work -- which, in a way, combines the giving spirit of Christmas with the best of Christmas avoidance.
Not only will you be donating your time and labor, you'll be too busy building schools, teaching kids or saving rainforests to think about anything else.
7. Get lost
If you find a remote spot where no one, not even Santa, can track you down, then giving Christmas the slip should be as easy as mince pie.
Lundy, a windswept but beautiful island in the waters of Britain's Bristol Channel, isn't too far from civilization, but there are no televisions or Internet connections, you're unlikely to get a mobile phone signal and the only way on or off is by helicopter.
You might have to avoid the island's solitary pub, the Marisco Tavern, on Christmas Day, but the prospect of sitting in front of a blazing fire in the splendid isolation of your very own lighthouse (Old Light Tower, Lundy Island; +44 1628 825 925), will be worth it.
It's the perfect place to start plotting next year's Christmas escape.