Credit: Simone Giertz
Seven absurd inventions set to change the world forever
Stockholm-born Simone Giertz is a creative technologist who builds possibly revolutionary -- and often terrifying -- robots to inspire people to learn about programming and electronics. She documents all of her experiments on her YouTube channel. Here, she imagines seven inventions that could change the world forever.
That technology has changed human life forever is as self-evident as Donald Trump's comb-over.
But despite our technological advances, managing day-to-day chores is still a very manual matter. Everything from brushing teeth to chopping vegetables is done by fragile, 21st century human hands, meant for nothing other than grazing keyboards and scrolling away time on smartphones.
I have gone to great lengths to bring technology into my everyday life and automate my daily chores.
Here are my seven best inventions, both real and imaginary.
The Wake-up Machine
Waking up in the morning can be bearable at best, chronically traumatic at worst.
Instead of trying to minimize the pain of this inevitable daily hurdle, I decided to make an alarm clock that slaps me in the face to wake me up.
You'll be so terrified of falling asleep that you're already awake when it's time to get up. Magic.
To build the Wake-up Machine I wired a motor to an alarm clock and duct taped a rubber arm to it.
The Toothbrush Machine
Have you ever come across someone who's listed "toothbrushing" as one of their favorite things to do in life? Probably not. Why? Because brushing your teeth is as exciting as watching paint dry. No, even worse: it's like watching dry paint.
I built the Toothbrush Machine by putting a robot arm on a skateboard helmet and attaching a toothbrush to it. Your teeth will be sparkling clean and your gums will bleed.
The Breakfast Machine
After brushing your teeth, it's time for breakfast. Yes, that's the order you're supposed to do it in according to dentists. To automate my breakfast routine I programmed a robot arm to serve and feed me cereal. It didn't actually manage to feed me anything so it doubles as a diet coach.
The Chopping Machine
Chopping vegetables is an equally tedious and dangerous task. To make it easier and safer, I designed the Chopping Machine: the most convenient way to chop vegetables. Kind of.
To build the Chopping Machine I used an aluminum Actobotics frame, two normal kitchen knives and a cutting board so humongous I can't imagine anyone other than me buying one.
Those are my four great creations so far (you can see full videos on my YouTube channel). But there are more inventions that I haven't gotten to build yet. Here are three of my favorite should-builds:
The Refrigerator Backpack
Think of phones. In just a few decades they have gone from stationary contraptions to riding around in your back pocket.
Why haven't refrigerators gone through the same development? I want a refrigerator that I can carry on my back. And not just a cooler bag, but a full-on fridge with a battery pack in the bottom and a heat sink. A cold soda should never more than a shoulder strap away.
The House Submarine
I live in Stockholm, Sweden. Here the housing-crisis is real -- as real as the fact that Scotland's national animal is the unicorn. Very real, that is. I have tackled the problem by living on a houseboat, but berths are limited and pretty expensive to rent.
A more long-term solution would be buying submarines and remodeling them into habitable dwellings. Considering that 95% of the underwater world remains unexplored and about 100% is uninhabited by humans there's plenty of sub-aquatic berth space for everyone.
Lots of things are nice to share with other people. Like hugs, chocolate and Netflix accounts. But some things are better kept to oneself, like the resonance of your bowel movement.
But today's toilets are like unintentional loudspeakers and covering up the sounds by fake coughing doesn't fool anyone. There are noise-cancelling headphones, so why aren't there noise-cancelling toilet bowls? Beats me.
Won't be for long, though. I'm on it.