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Friday, February 09, 2007
American Voices: Savings lowest since the Depression
Personal savings in the United States is the lowest it's been since the Depression. What do you think?

"Who's the greatest generation now, suckers?"
- Bart Gander, Office Supplies Salesman


"I watched my Dad die from saving and decided that wasn't going to be me."
- Jenny Rautenberg, Real Estate Broker


"Personal savings be damned. My shopping habits are the only reason we haven't been attacked again by the terrorists."
- Frank Martin, Systems Analyst


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Thursday, February 08, 2007
News in Brief: Ailing Castro begins 750,000 last words
HAVANA, Cuba -- With his condition reportedly deteriorating, Cuban President Fidel Castro called top members of Cuba's National Assembly to his side and embarked on what is believed to be his 750,000 final words, according to Radio Havana Cuba, which broadcast the first 36,000 words of his apparent farewell starting Monday. "I am not long for this world, comrades, so come close, and listen well," began Castro, who was expected to scale back overnight with a mere 12,000 words from his deathbed, before fully resuming with a declaration of grievances and a discussion of Italian cinema in the morning. "…Until oppression and fear are rooted from this world, our lives may end, but our work will only begin. More water please." Cuban government officials are reportedly working out a deal to publish the 80-year-old dictator's historic last remarks as the next three volumes of Bartlett's Familiar Quotations.

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Cookie jar


"It's hard to avoid temptation when no one's there to stop you," says cartoonist Jim Brenneman.

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Wednesday, February 07, 2007
News in Brief: Ryan Seacrest nervous about how audiences will respond to slightly shorter haircut
BURBANK, California -— American Idol host Ryan Seacrest announced on his syndicated radio show Monday that he will unveil a slightly shorter haircut on the top-rated reality show next week. "Don't worry: It's still going to be parted slightly to the left, and it will still have blond highlights, but it will be shorter—not crazy-short, but shorter," Seacrest said. "And count on the fact that it will be spiky. Possibly even more so. Some may resent the change, but change is necessary if we want to keep Idol fresh and vital." Later that same day, Seacrest told Access Hollywood's Billy Bush that Idol fans "needn't fear" about his wardrobe, which is contractually obligated to stay stylistically unaltered through late 2008.

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007
News in Brief: Area man needs two more trips to Best Buy to beat Xbox 360 game
MONROEVILLE, Pennsylvania -- Local resident Ronald Franks could be as little as two Best Buy visits away from completing the Xbox 360 video game Gears of War, Franks said Tuesday. "I told [wife] Susan not to expect me for dinner tonight, because right now I'm at the Train Wreck and I'm about to take on a Berserker," said Franks, 35, who has been playing the game daily for nearly three weeks and brings his own memory card from home. "I'm thinking I can get through that pretty quickly because I'll use my sniper rifle. Then it's right to Troika Central to get to the main boss, General RAAM. I'll probably take a personal day to defeat RAAM." According to Susan Franks, he also spends several hours each weekend at a nearby Barnes & Noble copying the Gears of War Official Strategy Guide onto a legal pad he brings along with him.

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FEATURED CONTRIBUTORS
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