Friday, December 01, 2006
Jake's Take: Rogue whale
A killer whale that dragged a trainer underwater during a show at SeaWorld Adventure Park this week may be allowed to perform again despite past incidents. Park officials cited the whale's true remorse, and the fact that he's hired Michael Richards’ publicist.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Jake's Take: Powell calls it a civil war
Former Secretary of State Colin Powell says it's time for the Bush administration to recognize that Iraq is in civil war. Unfortunately, the Bush administration doesn't even recognize Colin Powell.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Jake's Take: The pill... for men!
British scientists have developed a contraceptive pill for men that is effective if taken a few hours before sex. The pill is not recommended for elderly men, men with high blood pressure, and the overly-optimistic.
Jake's Take: Britney's distractions
Ever since Britney Spears began partying with Paris Hilton, she has stopped work on her new album. And you thought Paris Hilton wasn't good for anything!
Jake's Take: Home prices slump
The real estate market is cooling, but despite falling prices, the actual number of home sales is on the rise. Experts say that's because no matter how volatile the housing market gets, Americans still prefer living indoors.
The pope in Turkey
Courtesy Jim Brenneman, who says the pope's trip "may be an attempt to ease tensions in the world, but all I can see it doing is inflaming passions." Send your own cartoon News in Brief: Pierce Brosnan offended by way new James Bond holds gun
HOLLYWOOD, California -- According to a source close to Pierce Brosnan, the former James Bond actor felt affronted by the performance of Daniel Craig in the latest Bond film, Casino Royale. "Pierce just felt that he should have carried his gun in such a way that people knew it was James Bond they were dealing with, and not some 'first-year Bobby who doesn't know the first difference between an Aston Martin that transforms into a snowmobile and one that turns into a submarine,'" said the source, who added that Brosnan said the Bond girl bedded by Craig may have appeared attracted to him, but he could tell she was faking it. "Pierce felt the performance was amateur and that in general the film lacked a certain je ne sais quoi." Former Bond actor Roger Moore reportedly agreed with Brosnan's assessment and added that, while he was glad to see someone other than Timothy Dalton in the role, no actor has delivered the pithy elegance befitting 007 since 1979's Moonraker.
Get more from The Onion Tuesday, November 28, 2006
History Repeating Itself
Cartoonist Jim Brenneman says, "If you never stop to ask for direction in life you'll never get where you're going!" Gallery: More I-Report 'toons Send your own cartoon Jake's Take: Splitsville
Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson are getting a divorce after just four months of marriage. Publicists say Rock and Pam just could not agree on who should wear the couple's one and only shirt.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Jake's Take: Iraq explanation
Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki says Iraq’s politicians are largely responsible for the chaos in that nation. Man, that country is getting more like America every day!
Jake's Take: Tough times
The White House is struggling to come up with answers after three days filled with violence, chaos, and unbelievable brutality... but enough about what it was like at the mall this weekend.
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