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Friday, October 27, 2006
News in Brief: Indonesian mother sews Halloween costumes for 60,000 children
PONTIANAK, Indonesia -- Indonesian factory worker Weninng Panggi is keeping busy in the weeks leading up to Halloween by sewing costumes for thousands of children across America's Eastern Seaboard. "I try to put a little extra love in each seam I stitch, or epoxy, or hot-glue, or heat-seal," said Panggi, putting the finishing sequined touches on 1,375 Hermione dresses. "I only wish my family could afford such durable, high-quality garments. By the way, what are these for?" After completing her shift, Panggi carried out her tradition of going from door to door asking for scraps of food.

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American Voices: Door open for NJ gay marriage
The New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that gay couples were entitled to the same rights as heterosexuals, leaving the door open for gay marriage. What do you think?

“This will go a long way toward expanding the variety of punch lines about New Jersey.”
- Elisa Siegel, Inventory Control Specialist


“If we don’t move to stop this trend immediately, gay people will have as much legal clout as the clinically brain-dead.”
- Dan Peltier, Systems Analyst


“So I guess the court left the back door open! Ha! I am so closeted! Wait, I meant to say 'funny,' not 'closeted.' Where’d that come from?"
- Nate Broder, Street Cleaner


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Wednesday, October 25, 2006
News in Brief: Portland Trail Blazers get hint after being left off 2006-07 NBA schedule
PORTLAND, Oregon -- Claiming that it would "just make an awkward situation even worse," Portland Trail Blazers head coach Nate McMillan said in a press conference last Sunday that he and his team "got the hint" after noticing his team's conspicuous absence on the 2006-07 NBA schedule, and will not make any attempt to play a basketball game this year. "At first we thought that they were giving us the first week off, but after looking at the schedule for the rest of the year, we understood what was going on," said McMillan, adding that after last year's league-worst 21-62 record, he thought this might be coming. "I feel we deserved to find out differently, maybe a phone call, but if they don't want us there, fine. We'll just have to find something else to do." League officials said in a statement yesterday that they appreciated the way the Trail Blazers were handling this, adding that the Atlanta Hawks and the New York Knicks have "been acting like a bunch of babies about the whole thing."

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News in Brief: Richard Branson's global-warming donation nearly as much as cost of failed balloon trips
LONDON -- Analysts are predicting that the $3 billion Sir Richard Branson has pledged for developing energy sources to combat global warming could come close to matching the amount the entrepreneur, adventurer, and Virgin CEO has already spent on elaborate balloon-based excursions.

"This unprecedented and extremely generous investment rivals the amounts Branson spent on his many, many failed attempts to circumnavigate the Earth in a balloon," Wall Street stock analyst Madeleine Brauner said. "He's setting a wonderful example for ultrarich environmentalists everywhere."

Branson also reportedly plans to invest billions more on a time machine that would enable him to prevent the creation of Virgin Airways, reducing greenhouse-gas emissions by some four percent worldwide.

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Monday, October 23, 2006
Infograph: Events leading up to North Korea nuclear test
Two weeks ago, North Korea detonated a nuclear bomb. Here is the series of developments that led up to this test:

1986: Kim Jong-Il tells thugs in a local bar he'll "show them all"
1993: North Korea realizes they have all the components needed to build nuclear bombs just lying around
1996: Kim Jong-Il decides individual murders take too long
1998: Military begins digging really big holes
2002: Fact that Bush includes North Korea in "Axis Of Evil" encourages them to act accordingly
2003: Nation starts ducking all of CIA's phone calls
2005: Prior to U.N. weapons inspections, Kim Jong-Il orders all bombs to be hidden behind his various portraits throughout country
2006: Government conducts experiments to determine how long an entire nation can go without food

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Sunday, October 22, 2006
Madonna's adoption
Madonna is trying to adopt an African baby. This comes several years after she adopted a fake British accent.

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