Tuesday, March 27, 2007
May the farce be with you
 Darth Vader examines an R2-D2 mailbox. Right. Of course he does. CNN.com reader Bruce Jernell sent this actual news photo through I-Report. It's often said that truth is stranger than fiction, but we're not sure in this case and would like to see you write your own caption.Guidelines: • Be funny: You must put us in an uncontrolled fit of laughter. • Keep it short: Aim for 20-50 words. Post a comment below and we'll feature the best caption as a post on Warp CNN, the most trusted name in news satire. And if you don't, we'll send this guy after you. OK, so technically we can't do that, but you've been forewarned. (For you factmongers out there, the 30th anniversary of the first Star Wars film is coming up on May 25, and in honor of this, the United States Postal Service has placed thematic mailboxes in cities around the country. Jernell is dressed as Darth Vader in this photo shot by his coworker, Micah Linsley.) 85 Comments
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In a new initiative aimed at curtailing departmental violence, the US post office is taking steps to proactively identify employees most likely to go postal.
General, tear this mailbox apart until you've found those plans!
Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've created, Postmaster General. The ability to destroy a package is insignificant next to the power of the Force.
A ruthless killer, the Vader skillfully stalks its prey; the astro-droid!
If only you knew the power of competitive overnight shipping!
And may the force be with you, too
Man, for .41 cents this thing had better work. Hello?
What happens when the Star Wars convention and the dentistry convention are held in the same town...
Mailman, I AM YOUR FATHER! Come out, you can't hide from me.
give me back my hand D2.. I am not kidding.. come on.."
This isn't the droid I'm looking for.
UGH! Not another credit card offer.. well 0% balance transfer on my TIE fighter... would save me some money.
Having promised that the rebellion was in its last throes, Lord Vader, the Emperor's closest adviser and Dark Lord of the Sith, continues to be taunted by the emblems of a robust insurgency.
One more letter and your training is complete.
The last time we met I was but a clerk, now, I am the Postmaster.
wait until the rebels feel the power of the Junk Mail side of the force...
D'OH! Someone put Wookie poo in here again?!?!
"Help me Obi-Wan. I have given this droid the Empires new plans to extract more money from the all ready strapped people of this Republic. I hope you recieve this letter and that it doesn't get "lost" in the mail!"
Intergalatic Express Mail to Rebel Alliance c/o Echo Base, Hoth System, Return Receipt Requested
Remember how you took Luke's hand?
I AM ABOUT TO TAKE YOURS!
I know you're in there, Princess Leia! I feel your presence!
After the destruction of the second Death Star and the annihilation of the Imperial Fleet, Darth Vader is resigned to the fact that light speed communication is a thing of the past.
"Yeah R2,I know your new job with the Post Office isn't nearly as much fun as making movies, but it sure beat's your last job working with the Bomb Squad!"
The Department of Homeland Security and The United States Postal Service have new allies in deterring terrorist attacks through the mail.
They just don't build astro-droids like they used to !
Temperature set 350 degrees...
Timer set at twenty minutes... And now, my perfect frozen pizza from my favorite over grown toaster oven
Well your prostate seems fine Mr. D2.
After seeing his shadow the Nerdling Vaderite then scrambles back to his hole for another 6 weeks to patiently await Leia's response.
To show that the US Postal system is safe from terrorist acts, Dick Cheney uses a common mailbox to send his letters.
"Well aren't you just an adorable little android? Yes you are! Yes you are! Coochie-coo!"
I hope this birthday card gets to Luke on time.
"Dear Dr. Phil: I am writing you today hoping that you can help me reconnect with my son and daughter."
I guess you underestimated the power of the dark side R2. This letter bomb will teach you a lesson. Boom.
Help me Star Wars fans, You are my only hope of surviving the rate increases.
R2....I AM YOUR MACHINIST.....
Just looking for my dignity.
I know those Secret Plans are in here somewhere!!!1
I'm sure that this is a safe way to send the plans for the new death star over to the emperor.
Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays this Sith Lord from the swift completion of his appointed rounds.
Fork over the Dosidos R2, I know there in there. Didn't you know that girl scouts are on the darkside, and cookies are there weapon?
OH NOOOOO, R2-D2 just swallowed another sequel! Can he stomach one more..
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
The E.R.S. (Empire Revenue Service) reminds you that your 2007 tax return must be postmarked by midnight on April 15th. Active members of the Rebel Alliance should request an extension by filing Form 1977a...
Give me those stolen plans! I know the princess gave them to you! You are a rebel and a traitor!! Ahh I think my hand is stuck! I hate droids!!
I can't believe they are still sending my mail to the first Death Star's address....
I can't believe I'm still having to pay the mortgage on the first Death Star...damned adjustable rates...
All this power, and still I could not lick the stamp.
OWW !!! The Force of Bite is strong with this one.
R2D2 is seen accepting an information packet from ol' Darth. Darth never knew that forever stamp he bought in 2007 would come in so handy!
Not feeling himself, R2-D2 visits Darth Vader, MD:
"Open up and say AHHHH". "Bleep-Squeek-Whistle-WHISTLE." "No, like this; AHHHHHH" "Whistle-BLEEP-Squawk-Chirp-Chirp-Chirp." "AHHHHH." "Chirp-Bleep-Bleep-Crackle." "Yes, you do sound a little hollow."
Homeland Security has updated the threat level to from yellow to orange after a suspicious looking person was photographed next to an even more suspicious looking mailbox.
Another Mailbox!?! ArG! I'll find you R2!!!! *mumbles to self* and when I do it wont be mail going in your slot. *Activates Lightsaber* *mechanical breath*
"12 years after his merciless ridiculing at the hands of onlookers, George finally finds an excuse to wear his Vader outfit out in public again."
No, my name is Chad - Darth is my brother. I need to send out another resume...
"I find your lack of faith disturbing" This letter WILL reach it's destination...
Oh No! My retainer!!
R2, Take this message to Obama Wan Kenobi and let him know him know that
the Sith will be giving Princess Clinton their endorsement for '08.
Darth, shouldn't you buy me dinner first?
For thirty years I've searched the universe, droid after endless droid, looking for that tape of PRincess Leia doing the macarena; maybe this is finally the one.....
How R2 really got the deathstar plans...
Cost of Darth Vader Costume: $1,500.00
Digital Camera to take the picture: $100.00 Losing the Death Star Plans in the mail... priceless.
Since this droid is in my town I had to say something
R2, I told you we shouldn't have landed on this planet
I lost my glove. R2 give it back. Hello... Anyone in there?
Uh, oh ... I forgot to put the extra postage on the plans for the latest death star. The Emperor is going to be really ticked off when they arrive "postage due." He�s such a cheapskate. Better go hide on Endor ...
C3P-Ow! Keep your light saber to yourself you stupid Sith! I am an "astro"droid not a...
Turn your head and cough.
If you look inside for food when you see a mailbox, YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK!
In spite of international criticism, US officials contend that the new uniforms and mailboxes to be used by the US Postal Service are not indicative of a continuing shift towards imperialism in US foreign policy.
You're going to feel a pinch.
All done. Maybe you'll start flossing from now on.
Yoda inside here there is not.
George Lucas, you look like an ewok.
Like Charlie Brown, Star Wars nerds don't get Valentine's Day Card in the mail either.
So Vista vaporized your circuits as well I see....
The empire finally finds a good use for the captured and deactivated R2-D2.
This trick-or-treater has found a good way to carry alot of candy!
Vader should have known it was a trap.
"Holy criminy, R2, you nearly scared the dark side out of me!"
"He's always been a sucker for sweepstakes", commented Princess Leia, as she detailed her and her droid-friend's success in acquiring her alleged father's DNA on a licked postage stamp. Test results forthcoming.
In an effort to both regain customer base and draw would be Mail Carriers, the US Postal Service has unveiled what they are calling their new, "nerd friendly" mailboxes and uniforms.
As part of his Twelve Step program, Lord Vader must apologize to everyone he has hurt: "Sorry for shooting you during the battle of the first Death Star. I had anger issues. Heck, I almost shot down my own son."
Open up and say ahhhhhhh...
High credit card interest rates made R2 go postal.
Dear Gold Bond, We've narrowed the cause of my rash, can you help? D.Vader
Dear luke, why didnt you add me on myspace......the vader.
Dear Mr. Lucas,
Here is the script for STAR WARS 7. In this sequel, I will be brought back to life and join forces with my sone and daughter to battle an even more evil sith. Yeah - so how do you like that one.. please gimme some work man.. I've been out of a job for a minute. |
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