Review by LaShon Ison

And what about you, girlfriend? Since Denzel is taken, who will you settle for? Does your ideal mate come complete with a foreign sports car, a huge home in the suburbs, and a six-figure salary? Does he have a body that just won't quit? Or is his most desirable quality his ability to cater to your every whim and want?

Try looking a little deeper. In "Brothers, Lust, and Love", a revised edition of an originally self-published book, author William July II explores what's going on between African American men and women.

And what, exactly, is going on? According to July, a basic lack of communication, compassion, and understanding.

But, in order to understand what's going on between men and women, we must first understand ourselves. At the end of each chapter, July asks thought-provoking questions to urge readers to examine their own behavior and how that behavior affects others.

At the end of a chapter on "Mr. Right," July urges women to ask themselves, "What are my criteria for choosing a man? Do I judge men by my own standards or those of friends, family, and co-workers?" And, I think the most important question that women need to ask themselves, "Have I developed a realistic idea of who Mr. Right will be?"

And men aren't let off the hook. In a chapter dealing with pickup lines, July develops a criteria for judging "the line" that some men seem to think will be key in snagging their dream woman. The criteria: Repulsion Factors, Nerve, and Digitability (the probability that he can get your phone number). Now, if the thought of being subjected to a pickup line isn't enough to make you cringe, here's a little help:

--"I can turn you out."
--"I would get rid of all my women for you."
--"Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm!"

'Scuse me? Whatever happened to hello?

July discusses everything from "What is a good brother?" to "Midnight quickies" and "I thought you were a nice girl!" to "Multicolor love" (yes, he did go there) and being "Single and complete" to "The ten things women do that drive men away."

This book is not a sermon on how black men and women should relate, but rather a guide. July is quick to point out that "Brothers, Lust, and Love" is a "search for truth that defies stereotypes about black men and their relationships." July's solution for dealing with those stereotypes involves black men working with black women to combat the stereotypes.

July's efforts to bring black men and women together, as friends or as lovers, is an honest one. This book doesn't bash men or women, but questions the stereotypes surrounding black men, their feelings of lust and of love. It also offers realistic solutions to problems encountered by men in their relationships with others. His perspective is unique because, as he points out, he is not an expert, but an ordinary black man. His questions and observations throughout the book encourage self-examination so that the reader, male or female, black or white, straight or gay, can gain an understanding of exactly what they bring to a relationship or merely take from it. I found July's thoughts on manhood, sex, and romance incredibly refreshing.