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'I am so, so sorry. Boy, am I sorry'

'Why Not Me?'
by Al Franken

(CNN) -- With tongue placed firmly in cheek, comedian Al Franken wondered what life as president of the United States would be like. In "Why Not Me?" we follow the 144-day roller coaster ride of The Franken Presidency. Here's an excerpt from President Al Franken's resignation speech, June 10, 2001.



"Hopefully this will bring an end to the turmoil, as well as the numerous legal actions pending against me and my staff, occasioned by the politically motivated disclosure of the contents of my private diaries.

Let me say here and now that I regret very deeply the harm that I've done both to people I care about and people I don't really care about all that much. I am sorry. I apologize. It was wrong. What I did was wrong. I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. Boy, am I sorry.

While I take full responsibility for the misfortunes that have befallen my presidency, others are not entirely without blame. It had been my intention to pardon members of my staff and my administration. But I forgot. Sorry.

I did, however, manage, with the reluctant assistance of Chief Justice Rehnquist, to pardon myself. This will enable me to retain the prerogatives of an ex-president, including my pension, an office, and staff at taxpayer expense, lifelong Secret Service protection, and, eventually, burial in Arlington National Cemetery beneath an eternal flame.

It is my fondest wish that in the fullness of time, the American people will look back on the Franken presidency as something of a mixed bag and not as a complete disaster."

Copyright 1999 by Al Franken.


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