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GLENN BECK

Sheriff not Afraid to Enforce Immigration Law; Grassroots Group Takes Action on Immigration; Does Free Speech Exist on College Campuses?

Aired May 12, 2006 - 19:00:00   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.


GLENN BECK, HOST: Hi, it`s really not that hard. All you have to do is say, "You know the one job that Americans won`t do that illegals will?"
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You know the one job that Americans won`t do that illegal immigrants will?

BECK: It`s this one.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It`s this one.

BECK: That fat gringo he`s gone. Glenn Beck, he`s gone.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That lazy gringo, Glenn Beck, is gone. So welcome to the new Horatio Sanchez show.

BECK: Perfect. My driver`s here, see you.

All right. Stop the applause. You`re not getting rid of me that easy.

Yesterday, I was telling you how I didn`t think George Bush has been communicating very well, at least lately. Well, George actually might be a fan of the show, because just today, came word that he`ll be hosting a prime-time speech on Monday night to address the nation about immigration. Oh, it`s going to be a great show on Tuesday night, I can guarantee.

Now, I`m sure that he`s going to tell us how immigrants are the lifeblood of our country, what an important part of our economy they are. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But you know what? He`s right. Immigrants are an important part of our country, but for some reason, everybody just wants to gloss over the term "illegal," like it`s a derogatory word. Oh, no, they`re not "illegal," they`re just "undocumented," or "guest workers," or -- and this is my favorite -- "imported low-wage workers."

Are you kidding me? Let`s call a spade a spade. They`re illegal. They`re breaking the law. And you know why I can say that? Because I ain`t running for political office. I don`t need to get votes. I don`t need to worry about getting campaign contributions from fat cat companies.

You know who the real villains are here? The companies that employee these people. They`re the ones creating the supply of black market jobs that nobody should take, Americans or Mexicans. But apparently, nobody really cares about you -- about this except me and you.

You know, how many fines were levied against employers for hiring illegal aliens in 2004? Get your duct tape out because you`ve got to wrap your head or your head is going to explode on this one. Three, nationwide, 12 months, three fines. What a joke. Washington could care less.

Luckily, there are plenty of people outside of Washington -- you know, the little people, who are stepping up to the plate like this sheriff in Arizona.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SHERIFF JOE ARPAIO, MARICOPA COUNTY, ARIZONA: I have great support from the Hispanic community. I may not have any tomorrow, but I`ll tell you one thing, I`m going to do what I have to do. There`s a new law. I believe in enforcing that new law, and we`re going to do it. It`s felonies, not a minor law.

And we have to do something about the illegal immigration problem. I`m the sheriff, and I`m going to do what I can in my little old second largest or third largest county in the United States of America.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: Sheriff Joe Arpaio for Maricopa County, Arizona, on the front lines of this issue. Joe, why does it take one guy with a badge and a gun to show us how we need to get serious about illegals?

ARPAIO: I don`t know, I was a director of the U.S. drug enforcement in Mexico and South America, Texas, I can go on and on and I know where Mexico is. And I have some compassion for the Mexican people, but when you violate the law, you go to jail. I have to enforce the law. I`m the only law enforcement agency doing that in this state and probably across the nation under this new law.

BECK: How much does that hack you off that you`re the only guy? The federal government`s not enforcing it. You! You are!

ARPAIO: I`m not a federal guy anymore. I`m just an elected sheriff and my responsibilities are 3.8 million I serve, and I`m going to do what I can to protect these people and anybody who violates the law directly to jail. They don`t get a free ride by the feds back to Mexico.

BECK: You have had to have been called a racist at this point. You`re just a racist hatemonger. How do you respond to that?

ARPAIO: I don`t know if I`ve been called that. Probably will in the near future.

BECK: Of course you will.

ARPAIO: I`m not a racist. I`ve -- I walked a tough black beat in Washington, D.C. Plus with the federal drug enforcement, all over the world I worked. I`m not racist. I have compassion for the Mexican people.

But I am a law enforcement official and you violate the law, I`m an equal opportunity law enforcement guy. I lock everybody up. That`s my response.

BECK: Great. So let me ask you this, what are you doing on the companies, too? I mean, I have a real problem with the corporations that are hiring these people. Is there any way for you to go after those guys as well?

ARPAIO: No, that`s a federal issue right now. But I agree with you. You have to get the businesses. If you get the businesses that don`t hire, then you`re not going to have any workers trying to get a job that are illegal. It`s very good common sense.

BECK: So it`s not just you. I mean, you want to talk about the wild, wild west. You`ve deputized people. You`re sending out, like, posses. Who are the people that are helping you?

ARPAIO: We have 3,000 posses. We`ve gone after deadbeats and hookers, you name it. Now we`re going after illegals that violate the law, and that`s a felony so we do send a posse out. They`re armed. Great training.

BECK: Who -- like who`s on this posse? How do you pick them?

ARPAIO: Well, all walks of life. I have ex-governors. You name it, I have them. I utilize them and their airplanes and Jeeps. It doesn`t cost the taxpayers any money.

BECK: I`m just hearing today the Bush administration wants to come -- you know, come up with a plan to have the military solve the security along -- security problems along the border. Ooh, now you have this idea. What do you think we really need to get real about this?

ARPAIO: We have to be careful having tanks at the border. I had offices in Panama with Noriega. We have to be very careful about using military law enforcement. They could be on a support basis, but not be there as law enforcement people. We just have to hire more border patrol, professionals that know how to do the job.

BECK: Sheriff, thanks a lot. I`ve heard many people tell me today that you`re an American hero, and I appreciate the work you`re doing.

ARPAIO: Thank you.

BECK: Thank you, sir.

All right, there`s somebody else who`s standing up against Washington on immigration. It`s these guys, Grassfire.org. It`s a citizen fund nationwide billboard campaign against what they call "the invasion of illegal aliens" into America.

Invasion? Come on, these are just people trying to feed their families. This isn`t war.

Actually, there are some Mexicans that think this is a war. They think we`re on their land. Steve Elliot from Grassfire.org.

Why is this an invasion, Steve?

STEVE ELLIOT, GRASSFIRE.ORG: Well, Glenn, it`s clearly an invasion. It`s people coming here illegally. They don`t want to learn our language. They don`t want to learn our culture. And they`re coming.

In fact, in Texas, you`ll see bumper stickers that say, "la invasion." They`re calling it an invasion themselves.

So we wanted to put these billboards up starting in Dallas and all across the country that say very plainly, "stop the invasion" to express the frustration that so many Americans across the country are feeling right now.

BECK: Well, you have reconquista, which basically, if I understand it right, 58 percent of Mexican adults, a poll in Mexico said that southwest territory rightfully belongs to Mexico. It is not the United States.

ELLIOT: That was on an interview just the other day with a gentleman who said the invasion took place when the United States took the land from Mexico. So, yes, this is generally a perception, and the fact is that we`re facing illegal immigration crisis. And so we wanted to call it what it is, an invasion. And let me tell you, people across this country are responding.

BECK: I was just going say, have you ever seen anything like this? You started with two members. You now have -- ready for this, America -- 300,000 members. Have you ever seen anything like this, where the people of the United States are rising up and their voice is not being listened to in Washington?

ELLIOT: Well, you know, Glenn, I think that the politicians are going to pay if they don`t listen on this issue. The debate changed about 30 to 60 days ago with the protests in the street, and the American people have had it. I can`t tell you how many e-mails we get.

BECK: Steve, Steve, honestly, you say that. What are you going to do? Here`s what the average person says. What, I`, going to go vote for the Democrats? I`m going to go vote for the Republicans? Both of them, they`ve merged into one nightmare party. What`s your choice?

ELLIOT: We have a good bill in the House that we support. And, you know, we`re going to stick with that and keep moving forward. But...

BECK: That`s not going to happen. That`s not going to happen. They`re talking about the new bill this week, and they`re going to tone it down, it`s not going to be a felony and they`re passing this bill. They say now, the compromise bill by, what, Memorial Day?

ELLIOT: Well, that will be the Senate version. But we just need to encourage people to keep saying this, stop the invasion. Let`s call it what it is. Let`s get the message across. I believe we can make a difference. Let me tell you, we have these billboards going up across the country. It`s like nothing we`ve ever seen. People are calling and volunteering their billboards to put the message up.

BECK: After -- after the illegal marches, there seemed to be a sea change. There was a -- there was a, just a different attitude from the ordinary, you know, Joe on the street. Now it`s -- no it`s an emotional, now it`s almost like visceral. What happened?

ELLIOT: Well, I think a couple things happened. One, people saw that there`s a lot of illegal aliens in our country. And secondly, just the offense of demanding rights, waving Mexican flags, demanding the right of citizenship when you`re not even a citizen. Trying to start a civil rights movement. Calling them economic refugees.

I think people just, American citizens have just had had it now, and this is going to continue to rise. If the Senate passes an amnesty bill, it`s going to double and triple. And the American people have just had it.

BECK: You know what`s amazing is, you know, everybody has been screaming out: "I`m the party. I`m the candidate that can bring America together." America is pretty much together on this.

You know where we disagree? We disagree on whether we should give people amnesty who are already here. Everybody else is saying, seal the border. I don`t care if you`re a liberal or you`re a Democrat, people agree on this.

ELLIOT: It would be nice. Why don`t we work together on what we agree on? Let`s agree on border security and law enforcement like you said.

BECK: Well, you know, we need somebody who brings us together, the people and the politicians. Who is that?

ELLIOT: Well, I`m not sure who that is, but I think it`s going to happen. I think the American people will rise up and oppose the amnesty bill and call out the senators who are supporting amnesty. I think we can stop this. I think we really can.

BECK: OK, Steve, keep us up to speed on your progress, will you?

ELLIOT: I`ll do it. Thanks so much.

BECK: Appreciate it. You bet, bye-bye.

Well, why is it that adults and, in this particular case, politicians have such a hard time dealing with issues like this? What is so difficult to understand on this?

Illegal immigration. The key word here is "illegal." I mean, honestly, I swear to you, I think an 8-year-old kid can grasp this concept. It`s that simple. I decided, I think we should try to prove that. I asked a few 8-year-olds.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

BECK: Immigration, what is it?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It`s when people from another country come to America.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: For an example, somebody from China came to the U.S. That`s like immigration.

BECK: And it`s a good thing? Bad thing?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I don`t really have an opinion about immigration.

BECK: You`re one of those people. What about illegal immigration?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Never heard of it.

BECK: Illegal immigration. What does illegal mean?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Like, against the law.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: If I shoot somebody, I`ll go to jail for it, if they catch me.

BECK: And shooting somebody`s illegal?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes.

BECK: I should write that one down.

If I say "illegal immigrant," would than a good thing or a bad thing?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Partly bad, partly good.

BECK: If a person that you didn`t know broke into your house, was eating your food, maybe taking some of your medicine and maybe, was like, what`s a job in your house like your mom doesn`t want to do?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Clean up the house.

BECK: Would that be a good thing or a bad thing?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The good thing if they`re cleaning your house.

BECK: Should you call the police on them?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Call the police.

BECK: How come?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Because he`s a burglar and he`s stealing stuff.

BECK: But he`s helping around the house.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And he`s still stealing stuff.

BECK: But he`s making your bed.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: But he`s still stealing stuff.

BECK: And he`s like making sure you have like a clean towel by your bath.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: But he`s still stealing stuff.

BECK: I mean, you`re like a broken record here, just stealing stuff.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: Tim Robbins, he`s in "War of the Worlds". He was really good in it. But because of his annoying off-screen antics, you were forced to cheer for Tom Cruise to win the shovel fight. You know, when he picked up a shovel, you were like, "Oh, yes, baby." And then you remembered who Tom Cruise was!

If they were both just actors, it would be different. But there was a part of you that was, like, I don`t know who to root for. It`s Tim Robbins and Tom Cruise! At some point, I`m standing up, go tripods!

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: I loved college. Even though I only spent about 10 weeks there, those were some of the best memories of my life.

What`s going on at Boston College right now is just nuts. Apparently, there is an uproar at B.C. over its decision to -- get this, give Condoleezza Rice an honorary degree. What an outrage. She`s a dummy.

Get this -- it`s the faculty, over 150 professors to be exact, that started a petition to prevent Condi from receiving the degree, just because she doesn`t share their point of view.

Now, granted I was, you know, only 120 credits shy of getting my diploma, but I got to say, doesn`t that seem a little ridiculous? College professors, you shouldn`t teach you how to think. You should teach kids how to ask questions and let them come to their own conclusions. You know, they`re afraid of differing opinions, it seems to me. It`s all about indoctrination at college.

That`s why I`ve actually drawn up this pledge for anybody who has the kid starting college like my daughter is next fall. You get your kid to sign this. All right?

No. 1, "I recognize that, at college, I will be the only barrier between a constant stream of liberal ideals and the truth."

No. 2, "I promise that, if I find myself being drawn to the dark side of the force, I will talk to my parents for at least an hour and carefully consider their viewpoint."

And finally, "If, after said discussion, I still disagree with my parents, they will recognize my independence by forfeiting all monetary payments for tuition and sustenance." I think that`s totally fair.

By the way, my daughter wouldn`t sign that.

Joining me now to discuss the state of free speech on college campuses is Herb London, president of the Hudson Institute.

Hello, Herb, how are you?

HERB LONDON, PRESIDENT, HUDSON INSTITUTE: How are you? How are you doing today?

BECK: Very good.

Condoleezza Rice, this woman is so amazing. I mean, I don`t know who would ever have the guts to go up and ask her out on a date, quite honestly. She speaks like 1,800 languages. She`s an accomplished pianist. Amazing accomplished woman. Clearly, she has the merit for an honorary degree. This is really about her political beliefs, isn`t it?

LONDON: I don`t think there`s any question about it. Thomas Jefferson said, what is truly important to understand about the universities at the University of Virginia is that we should not give honorary degrees based on fame, money and ideology. And that`s precisely the reasons why we give honorary degrees today.

BECK: And it kills me. I really, truly believe that these liberal college professors are terrified of anyone with a differing opinion of theirs. Just terrified.

LONDON: Well, this is one of the problems. You have what is ostensibly an orthodoxy on campus. When you have an orthodoxy and you don`t fit the mold, obviously you`re going to be rejected. Faculty members, by and large, represent one point of view.

BECK: You know, what kills me is they actually come out and they try to make the case of, hey, we should be free to explore all ideas as long as it`s about pornography and abortion and everything else. They don`t actually mean that. They want to explore their ideas.

LONDON: I think that`s pretty much, you`ve got it, pretty much correct. I think one of the problems, of course, is that when you have a tenure system and they can reproduce themselves by finding the doctoral candidates whose views are consonant with theirs, then you have the perpetuation of the system.

BECK: Flip side, Michael Moore, should he be allowed to speak at Bob Jones?

LONDON: Look, I don`t have any problem with Michael Moore speaking, but I would probably be out there with a sign demonstrating against him.

BECK: Wait a minute. Hang on just a second. What`s the difference between you and...

LONDON: There`s a difference. There`s a big difference because I don`t think there`s any problem with people of differing views appearing on campus. And I like the idea of someone like Michael Moore appearing at a place like Bob Jones that has a conservative orientation. That doesn`t mean you have to like what they say and that`s what I mean by carrying a placard saying, "I think Michael Moore`s a fiend."

BECK: My daughter is going into college.

LONDON: I have one in college at the moment.

BECK: Were you -- I`m terrified. I`ve tried to explain to her, "Honey, you`re going to -- in six months, you`re going to think your dad is the dumbest man on planet earth," and I`m not saying that`s not exactly true.

LONDON: But by the time she`s 23, you`re going to be the smartest man on earth.

BECK: Well, I hope. What can -- what can incoming freshmen actually expect to encounter with a teacher in the agenda?

LONDON: Well, what they can encounter is something like the University of Peking. The indoctrination will start very early.

But one of the things that`s interesting about this is that they have some sawed-off compass at home, that is a moral compass at home. This can be used as an interesting way to engage in conversation. What goes on in universities is a wonderful catalyst for conversations between my daughter and myself.

BECK: Great. Herb, thanks a lot, appreciate it.

LONDON: Thank you.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: Coming up on Glenn Beck.

BECK: Some TV stars fade away, but Marie Osmond? She`s actually been making miracles come true for quite some time. Oh, and she has some things to say about Tom Cruise. That`s coming up a little bit later on the program.

But first, it`s time for honestly what I think will become my least favorite segment of the week. It`s "The Public Viewer."

Now for those who don`t know, public viewer is kind of like an ombudsman, which I don`t have any idea what that really means. I think it`s something like a job where they bring the viewers` feedback and critiques to me each week. Sounds like fun.

Here is our public viewer, Brian Sack.

Brian, I`d love to say welcome to you, but really, I just can`t wait for you to be gone.

BRIAN SACK, PUBLIC VIEWER: Thanks very much for the warm welcome, Glenn, it`s good to be here.

BECK: No, no, no. It`s great.

SACK: The opinions I`m expressing on your show are not necessarily my own. I do represent the public and, therefore, don`t hate on the messenger.

BECK: Right. Sure. There`s nothing from you. This is all the viewer.

SACK: This is the viewers come to me, they say, listen, this is what -- this is what bothers us. We like, dislike about the show and can you please tell Glenn on air.

BECK: Sure. Sure.

SACK: And that`s what I do.

BECK: OK.

SACK: I`m kind of a buffer between you and civilization.

BECK: OK. What have you found?

SACK: First week, you had a lot going on and you had a lot of technical glitches as is understandable in the first week of a show. And people are really excited about it and are hoping that once you get the technical glitches over with you`ll be able to focus on content.

First of all, the main thing...

BECK: We had some content in there. I don`t know if you missed it.

SACK: You had some, sure.

BECK: Maybe not so much on Monday.

SACK: Right, well, you know, first show sure. You don`t want to make a good impression on your first show. You want to kind of ease people into things, don`t you think?

BECK: Sure.

SACK: The first thing on everybody`s mind was underpants.

BECK: What you do mean, underpants?

SACK: This week was like a Hanes catalog, there were so many underpants references. Can we roll the tape? We have a tape of this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP0

BECK: Oh, yes, I`m wearing leather pants right now. Oh, no, I`m not wearing pants.

I`m also wearing my Tamiflu underpants, but more on the bird flu here in a second.

Actually, it`s honestly more like me in my underpants and a half gallon of ice cream.

No duct taping of your underpants?

Are those like your, like, your Super Friends pajamas underneath that jacket? Or is it underpants?

(END VIDEOTAPE)

BECK: I stand by it, underpants is a funny word, America, underpants!

SACK: I`m saying your show`s on at 7 p.m. and they don`t need you to be talking about underpants.

Next, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Here`s a clip of this.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

BECK: Mahmoud Amahemijad (sic)?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Ahmadinejad.

BECK: Ahmadinejad. We`ve got Bush. President Bush. You`ve got Ahmadinejad?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I have a hard time saying his name, too? Ahmadinejad.

BECK: Better than me. I call him President Tom.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

SACK: President Tom?

BECK: That`s right.

SACK: You want to call him President Tom. It`s disrespectful of a head of state.

BECK: Sure.

SACK: On top of the fact that Ahmadinejad is actually an evil sounding name, like Draxon Stronfeld (ph) and Stromberg (ph) and all these other Bond names, and I think you`re doing a disservice to the people when you don`t call him by his evil-sounding name.

BECK: All right. I`ll call him Mr. Microphone next week.

SACK: Mr. Microphone. OK. And finally -- why would you call him Mr. Microphone?

BECK: Well, because he always his like a billion microphones in front of him, you know? It`s like, there it is. Look at that. Mr. Microphone!

SACK: I see. OK, well, it does have kind of an ominous feel to it.

BECK: We got 30 seconds, go.

BECK: Your sign-offs. Your sign-offs. Can we take a look at your sign-offs?

BECK: Apparently not. There it is. Apparently not. So I`m going to sign off now.

SACK: OK. Well, I`m a public viewer at GlennBeck.com if you`re interested in sending some feedback to the show.

BECK: Don`t do it, don`t send it.

SACK: Glenn, good night and good luck.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: We`re doing some segment on Hallmark tonight. This is not -- this does not have the Glenn Beck seal of approval. I vetoed it this morning.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Why did you veto it?

BECK: I vetoed it because I don`t think it`s very -- I just didn`t find it very interesting, quite honestly.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh. Wait until you...

BECK: That`s what I got. All of you comedy folk remember, remember, comedy king right here.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Where?

BECK: Hmm?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Glenn, I`m telling you that...

BECK: So I said -- I said -- when I was in there, I said, "Why do we have the Hallmark people on? It`s Mother`s Day." Oh, oh. And we have to go out and buy a card?

Now, we`ve got a segment with the Hallmark people. I want you to know it could turn into bloody comedy, because if it doesn`t work out, oh, I`m exposing all of you.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: If it does work out, it was my idea. And, by the way, I don`t think I actually said any of that stuff. I`m pretty sure that was somebody who looked just exactly like me, because when the producers told me we needed to do a Mother`s Day segment, first thing I said was: You know what we need to do? We need to get some of those people from Hallmark on this program.

And joining me now is Maureen Gowen. She is the editorial director for Shoebox. It`s a division of Hallmark.

Hi, Maureen, how are you?

MAUREEN GOWEN, HALLMARK: Hi, Glenn. I`m great. How are you?

BECK: Good. You look like you work for Hallmark. You look happy and warm. I mean, I want to buy a card from you.

GOWEN: It`s a happy, warm, fuzzy place.

BECK: Oh, you. What a lie. You`re cranking out holidays. You got a whole division that`s just sitting around inventing new holidays, right?

GOWEN: We made up no holidays that we are going to admit to at this time.

BECK: That`s right, OK. You know, I have a TV show now. I have a radio show.

GOWEN: Right.

BECK: I have a magazine. I have a Web site. I do a stage show. I`m a busy guy, but I still have time to write greeting cards. And I don`t see why there`s no -- you Hallmark people, man, it`s a monopoly. There`s no reason why we can`t make greeting cards.

I want you to be brutally honest, but we`ve come up with cards, and I want you to tell me what you think.

GOWEN: OK, Glenn, now, let me ask you this. Would you have still vetoed the idea if we could do it maybe, I don`t know, "American Idol"- style?

BECK: Well, you mean, Simon would have to be here?

GOWEN: Well, I could try to be more like Paula than Simon maybe.

BECK: OK, that`s all right. A little pitchy for me, dog, at first, but that`s OK.

GOWEN: All right. All right. All right.

BECK: All right. Here it goes. Be honest. Here it is. I think this could work. This one`s for Valentine`s Day.

GOWEN: Brutally honest?

BECK: Brutally honest. Here it is. It says right there on the front, it says, "I`m here for you," and then you open it up, and it says, "regardless of that restraining order." And I think that`s...

GOWEN: I`m sorry, I`m crying a little bit.

BECK: See, isn`t that beautiful? No, I mean, seriously. There`s a whole untapped market for Hallmark.

GOWEN: There is. There must...

BECK: I mean, how many -- seriously, how many people have restraining orders? And let`s say I...

GOWEN: A lot.

BECK: ... if I were stalking you, wouldn`t that be a way for me to say, "I love you, Maureen, I do"?

GOWEN: Yes, it would. It would.

BECK: OK, good. How about this one, a condolence card? It`s always been tough, you know what I mean? You stand there and -- OK, it says, "You`re not getting any older." "May you rest in peace."

GOWEN: That might be a little dark.

BECK: You think just a little?

GOWEN: For Hallmark, maybe just a teeny bit.

BECK: Is that kind of getting into the ugly, you know, bloody comedy?

GOWEN: It`s a little bit of a downer.

BECK: Yes. OK.

GOWEN: You know, on the birthday, you want cake and cupcakes and no...

BECK: Sure, OK. Well, when you`re dead, you want to rest in peace. How about this one? "We knew you could do it." "Congratulations on your acquittal."

GOWEN: That`s nice. That`s nice. I think you have a future.

BECK: I think so, I do.

GOWEN: I think you have a bright, bright future in greeting cards.

BECK: OK, I`m a recovering alcoholic, all right? So I know how hard it is to stay sober. And, you know, you got to get together. So this one just says, "Let`s toast your release from rehab."

GOWEN: OK, can I tell you -- we actually had a similar card a few years ago, but it was more like, "Way to go in rehab," you know, yes.

BECK: Right, right. What was your favorite card that didn`t make the final cut?

GOWEN: Well, I have actually a few of them here.

BECK: I have time for one, best one.

GOWEN: OK. "Honey, I wanted to surprise you on Valentine`s Day, so I`m leaving you. Bye."

BECK: I don`t think there`s a problem with that.

GOWEN: There might be a market.

BECK: Maureen, thank you so much. I appreciate it.

GOWEN: Thanks, Glenn.

BECK: Thank you. Oh, wait, wait, wait. I`ve got one more. I`ve got one more. Here it is, OK? It`s for those procrastinators. "A belated best wishes on your upcoming suicide bombing mission."

Oh, Maureen Gowen from Hallmark, what a good sport you are. I`m going to go out and buy one of your Hallmark cards right now. Well, not right now. We`re going to do it in a second.

GOWEN: That`s right.

BECK: First, I`m going to talk to Erica Hill, "Straight to the Hill," anchor of "PRIME NEWS" on Headline News. Hi, Erica, how are you?

ERICA HILL, CNN HEADLINE NEWS ANCHOR: I`m doing very well. It`s Friday. How are you?

BECK: Yes, it is. Now, are you a mother?

HILL: Well, to a dog and a cat, but that doesn`t really count.

BECK: No, it really doesn`t. And those people kind of bother me.

HILL: Oh, I love them.

BECK: No, no.

HILL: They`re my angels.

BECK: Really?

HILL: You would love them if you met them, but that`s a story for another day. My mom`s here with me, though, in the studio, so...

BECK: What`s her name?

HILL: Her name is Cheryl.

BECK: Hi, Cheryl.

HILL: She`s waving as she`s watching.

BECK: How are you? How are you?

So what`s happening in the news?

HILL: OK, happening in the news, first up, O.J. Simpson back in the headlines, because he`s trying his hand at the small screen now with a new show, sort of "Punk`d" style, "Candid Camera," it`s called "Juiced." It`s a pay-per-view show. Apparently, he`s getting paid. Not a hit with everyone, though.

And here`s a major reason. A recent prank has upset the family of Ron Goldman, who was the man Simpson was accused of killing. "Inside Edition"...

BECK: Allegedly.

HILL: Allegedly, well, I said accused, though.

BECK: Let`s be right on here.

HILL: He was not convicted, though.

BECK: Allegedly he killed people.

HILL: Right.

BECK: Right.

HILL: "Inside Edition" reporting that, in this particular episode, O.J. Simpson pretends to sell his infamous white bronco in a used car lot.

BECK: Allegedly infamous, allegedly infamous, please.

HILL: Are you trying to be a journalist?

BECK: I`m just -- I`m trying to help. That`s all I try to do.

HILL: OK. We like help.

BECK: Lots of help.

HILL: So here`s the issue. As he`s trying to sell it, he apparently tells the buyers, quote, "It was good to me. It helped me get away," which understandably has upset many people. Goldman`s family calls the stunt "morally reprehensible."

BECK: That`s funny stuff. O.J., you keep it up. You`re going to burn in the fires of Hell. Enjoy it while it lasts.

HILL: So you`re not paying to watch the show, huh?

BECK: No.

HILL: OK. All right. This next one, also getting a lot of talk, because it involves bird flu.

BECK: I`m sorry, hang on just a second. Hold it just a second.

O.J., allegedly you`re going to burn in the fires of Hell. There.

HILL: Again with the journalist speak, Glenn. I don`t know what`s happening to you. A week on the air and all of a sudden...

BECK: I`m working at a news building now.

HILL: Indeed you are.

BECK: Yes.

HILL: What a fine institution. Now, moving onto bird flu.

BECK: Yes.

HILL: The big question now is: If there`s some sort of a pandemic -- which, you know, as we`re hearing from everybody and their brother we should really not panic about, and I mean that seriously, from all of the doctors we speak to on Headline News and the CDC, that`s what they`re telling us. But the question is: Who should get the vaccine?

BECK: Wait a minute. Hold it. You`re in Atlanta. You`re closer to the CDC.

HILL: That`s right. Ask them.

BECK: That`s a better place to be. I`m in New York. We`re the first to go.

HILL: Well, isn`t that unfortunate?

BECK: It`s almost like it`s planned that way, isn`t it?

HILL: You know who else is getting it? My dog and my cat, Glenn.

BECK: Yes, that`s right. That`s right.

HILL: All right, so real quickly here`s the issue. Current federal guidelines are putting the elderly at the top of the list behind workers in vaccine factories and health care workers to get the drug, the vaccine, that is. But others, including some bio-ethicists at the National Institutes of Health say, hey, you know what? It should really go to the young and healthy before the elderly. Basically they`re saying give the young people a chance to experience their life as the elderly already have.

BECK: I believe it was those in white jackets that first started rounding people up, the elderly in Germany. You know what? I read this story earlier today. We are going to do a segment on this Monday. It is an absolute outrage. The way the elderly -- has anybody heard of "respect your elders"?

HILL: Well, you`re going to talk about that Monday, right?

BECK: Monday, yes.

HILL: OK, so Monday we`ll tune in for that. It`s a plan.

BECK: Thank you, appreciate it. Have a great Mother`s Day.

HILL: Hey, you, too. Take good care of your wife.

BECK: All right, bye-bye.

HILL: Bye.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BECK: Mother`s Day is this Sunday, and I`ve got a couple of things to say about that in a second. But before that, I wanted to share a few minutes I spent earlier this week with one remarkable mom. You know her as an entertainer, but Marie Osmond is a star that has used her celebrity the right way.

Twenty-three years ago, she co-founded the Children`s Miracle Network. Not only has it raised -- get this -- more than $2.5 billion for children`s hospitals all across the country, it`s actually helping medicine close in for a cure for pediatric cancer. How amazing is that?

What types of families are eligible for the help? That`s amazing, too.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

MARIE OSMOND, PERFORMER: Children`s hospitals are phenomenal. They have an open-door policy. And whether you have -- your daughter was born with...

BECK: Cerebral palsy. She had strokes.

OSMOND: Yes, and whether they -- my brother had his daughter has seizures. You know, my child was saved from asthma, I mean, open-heart surgery. I was just in Chicago, and I watched a four-pound little boy have laser surgery on his eyes so he wouldn`t be blind. I saw a little three- year-old have a shunt -- I got to go in the operating room and watch this - - have a shunt put in her brain so that she would be perfect.

And those are the miracles. Now, do these people pay? They pay as much as they can. And what they can`t pay, Children`s Miracle Network comes in so that it can always be an open-door policy. You don`t show up with your baby blue and they say, "Well, do you have insurance?" They say, "Let us save your baby`s life."

BECK: At this hospital in the intensive care in the incubator, I guess -- I don`t know what you call it, the incubator...

OSMOND: You`re doing good, Glenn.

BECK: ... next to my daughter, yes, was -- just this child who was maybe, I don`t even know, three pounds, four pounds.

OSMOND: Oh, yes.

BECK: And the parents were both teenagers. And I remember looking at them thinking, "What is their life going to be like now? How are they ever going to get out from under debt and everything else?" And it is the Children`s...

OSMOND: Well, you know, the thing is, last year alone, children`s hospitals gave away almost $3 billion in uncompensated care. So do we have our work cut out for us? Absolutely, there`s no question.

But one of the things that hospitals do, it`s not -- they just don`t treat sick children. It`s like you said, who were these teenagers? They go out into the community.

They help young mothers become educated so that they can do preventive measures so their baby isn`t born premature. They go out and teach things to -- you know, most of your pediatricians are trained inside of your children`s hospitals. And so there`s so many great outlying -- you know, as far as research, we have the best. I guarantee you that there will be very, very close to a cure for pediatric cancer in about six years.

BECK: Wow.

OSMOND: And I sit on the board. I talk with these doctors, and I see this. You know, through my years of performing...

BECK: I remember, you know, when you came in here...

OSMOND: Shut up, Glenn.

BECK: ... and I saw this TV, I thought, "The last time I think I saw you, I was a kid, and I had my feet up, and I was on the ground watching you on the TV like this."

OSMOND: But, you know, I`ve done anything. There are so many great causes out there. You know, I mean, how do you -- oh, there we are. Hey, Glenn, you`ve changed!

(LAUGHTER)

But, you know, with all these great causes that are out there, you think, well, how do you say no to one and no to another or yes to this one and that one? And that`s how the Osmond Foundation started Children`s Miracle Network, was because it was like, well, hey, they all have to be treated and that`s in these children`s hospitals.

So we have 170 of the premiere children`s hospitals throughout the world. And, you know, check out "U.S. News and World Report," a very good article.

And this weekend is really fun. If you see these balloons, a lot of people know us from that. You know, give a dollar. This balloon represents $250 million to date.

BECK: Wow.

OSMOND: So you think, what is a dollar going to do? It does a lot. It helps a lot of those people, a lot of people like you, even, you know, saying, "How am I going to pay for this?" And statistics prove everybody will use one.

BECK: Yes, it really is amazing. I know we`re pressed on time, but I just want to ask you one thing...

OSMOND: How about two?

BECK: We were having a conversation in the office earlier today, and you and I kind of started going down this road before we went on air. And that is, here we are on Mother`s Day weekend, and the role that moms play and women play in our society, if I meet one more woman who says to me when I say, "What do you do?" And they say, "Well, I`m only a mother," I think I`m going to choke her to death.

OSMOND: Oh, my gosh. Are you kidding?

BECK: I hate that.

OSMOND: You know, I had a "New York Times" best-selling book. I was one of the first women, celebrities that came out that I had post-partum depression. Now I have...

BECK: By the way, no, Tom Cruise, no, no, you don`t.

OSMOND: Tom Cruise who? Yes. "Mission Impossible" will be when he has a child, gives birth, and then he can have an opinion.

But, you know, post-partum depression was devastating for me. And, you know, I think a lot of it has to do with lifestyle and trying to be everything and do everything. I mean, it`s very hard.

Nowadays, though, PPD stands, for me, post-puberty depression, because my teenagers are making me crazy.

(LAUGHTER)

But, you know, I have eight children, and it`s tough to make everything work. Over Mother`s Day, you know, the biggest thing I could say is: Give yourself a break. You know, we can do everything. We may not be able to do it all at once. We can do a lot of things.

BECK: May I ask you just one more question? I mean, are you going to do a ventriloquist thing?

OSMOND: Yes, I forgot. No, listen, go to MarieOsmond...

BECK: She came into the set with a -- she came in with a doll. And I`m like, "Are you going to make it talk later?"

OSMOND: This is just one of them, and I don`t have the book here. But if you go to MarieOsmond.com, this is one of my dolls I sculpted. They have a little dot. Since my husband owns the company...

BECK: Hey, you have a little dot.

OSMOND: Yes. And I sculpted it. Yes.

BECK: OK.

OSMOND: If you go to my Web site and buy a doll off of my Web site, I will give the proceeds of that doll to Children`s Miracle Network...

BECK: How about if I buy it off...

OSMOND: ... through Mother`s Day.

BECK: How about if I buy it off the back of a truck?

OSMOND: Well, it won`t help the kids, but you can do it.

BECK: All right.

(LAUGHTER)

OSMOND: But through Mother`s Day. So if they don`t get it for Mother`s Day, since it is the weekend, we will e-mail them and say, "It`s on its way," and they can have a great doll for Mother`s Day, and help a child while they`re at it.

BECK: Great. Marie, thank you so much.

OSMOND: Great to see you.

BECK: Great to see you.

OSMOND: You`re very cute.

BECK: I think she`s hitting on me.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

BECK: So, Sunday is Mother`s Day. Now, maybe you`re scrambling to try to buy a gift at the last minute or ignoring it altogether, but I want you to stop for just a second and really think about how important Mother`s Day is, actually, how important moms are.

I lost my mom when I was 13 years old. She took her own life. And after that, my life was never, ever the same.

I have to tell you: It`s a void that is near impossible to fill. Although my stepmom, Dee, has been a remarkable mom to me, when my mom died, it made me realize the true value of growing up with a mom.

I said to Marie a minute ago, I said, you know, I don`t know how many times I`ve heard, "Oh, I`m just a stay-at-home mom." I don`t even understand that, just a mom? I can guarantee that, if you put a man in the same exact role, he`ll crumble. He`d never be able to do it. There`s something different about women and moms.

I don`t know if you heard the study they came out with recently that tried to put a dollar figure on moms. Give them a salary based on everything they do every day. There`s no way to put a price on what they do.

For me, this weekend touches even deeper, because my wife, Tania, just gave birth to our beautiful daughter, Cheyenne, about 10, 12 days ago. I have to tell you: Tania is a woman that was just meant to be a mom. Seeing her now with Cheyenne drives that point home even more.

When I think back on my own mom, the toughest day of my life was not the day she died. It was actually the day I realized I couldn`t remember her voice anymore.

The best gift you can give your mom this Mother`s Day -- and, really, the best gift that you can give yourself -- is a phone call. Hear your mother`s voice. Let her hear yours. Call mom. Happy Mother`s Day.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BECK: Well, it`s been an interesting first week on the air, hasn`t it? We`re still a little rough around the edges, and the middle, and the rest of it, but we`re getting there.

It`s kind of like your first week on the job at a roller coaster, you know? You`re running it. Sometimes you remember to fasten people in their seats. Other times, you forget, and then fat guys start falling from the sky. But, at least in that case, only a fat guy`s family and the cotton candy vendors cry at the results.

Here I am in front of the entire nation and, thank goodness, most of them are looking the other way at this point, but, you know, we`ll keep improving. And hopefully soon you`ll see on the screen what we see in our heads. And, hopefully, that will be sometime before the next "Poseidon" remake comes out.

But that will only happen because of the great staff that we`ve put together. They`ve taken an idiotic radio guy with absolutely no TV experience and help me put together a show that I`m proud of -- eh.

You know, when I came here, I actually asked the network if we could run credits at the end of the show to thank those who really deserve it. Word came down from the top that these kinds of shows don`t run credits. And let me tell you something: They were right, because I`m a company man.

You know, those people who work on this show, they`re just cogs in the giant machine that is the corporate monolith, you know? We`ll assimilate. Oh, yes, we`ll be ingested.

You remember Cecil B. DeMille? Remember the version of "The Ten Commandments," where they`re rolling that stone and there`s that old woman, "Help, stop the rolling of the stone"? Do they stop the stone? No, they don`t stop the stone. She gets crushed! Well, actually, Moses comes in and stops the stone, but Moses isn`t here, is it? So we`re going to continue to build the frickin` pyramid.

We`re the worker bees, slaving away in unison in the hive just to bring you the news that`s sweet, sticky and tastes great in hot tea.

You know, just the other day, I was talking to Employee Number 1174 the other day, and we both agreed, I mean, don`t waste our time on things like credits. If you`ve got extra time, you sell it, OK? Feed the conglomerate.

You know, I want this company to be embarrassed when reporting the Exxon profits. You know, they only made how much? When we`re clearing $8 billion a quarter, then we can run credits! As long as those things are sponsored, as well. That`s it. That`s it.

Have a great weekend. Thanks for watching us this week. We`ll be better next week. And, listen, call your mom, as long as you can sponsor the call.

END

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