CNN CNN

Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Send jokes ... please
Hey everyone,

If you've been watching this week, you know we've been broadcasting the program from Los Angeles.

As a lifelong New Yorker, this city takes getting used to. Back home, it's easy to get around -- just hop on the subway or even walk.

Here, there are no subways. Only cars. For someone who doesn't drive that much, I can tell you it's frustrating to sit in traffic and wait for only more traffic.

I'll save my commute from hell story for another day. I want to tell you what we're doing tonight.

After lots of promises, lawmakers say they're finally dealing with earmarks, those pork-barrel projects tucked into mammoth spending bills. We'll find out if the plan passed by the U.S. House yesterday will make a difference. It now awaits Senate approval.

Our team also is making calls to congressional offices to get more information about the earmarks they're requesting. While we know some earmarks are legitimate, others seem to be less so. We'll try to sort this out.

By the way, for anyone interested, I'm going to be on the Tonight Show. It's actually taped in the afternoon, so if you have any great jokes I can impress Jay Leno with, send them my way ... soon.

-- By Anderson Cooper
Posted By CNN: 2:43 PM ET
  58 Comments
Anderson, here's a joke:

What does the envelope say to the stamp?

Stick with me, we'll go places.

Note: it works better if you do the little nudge on the arm*


Cheesy, but clean. hahahaha
Posted By Adriana Venegas, Anaheim, CA : 3:09 PM ET
I'd love to hear your commute story! The only place worse the LA for sitting in traffic sitting trapped in the underground in San Francisco. For a city that has produced Barry Bonds, OJ Simpson (before that nasty murder), Joe Montana and the great Bill Walsh you'd think they'd get mas transit right. If you ever come here again, make sure you don't drive under any overpasses (they might fall down), go for a swim in the SF Bay (you might find Free Willy) or drive over a bridge (an earthquake might just come along and knock it down).

So, all things considered, if you keep your asthma in check, LA might be a safer bet! Good luck on the Tonight Show. They announced Whoopie Goldberg as the winner of musical chairs over on The View. I'm sure that's worth quite a few laughs.

Have fun!
Posted By Kelli Breuer, San Francisco, CA : 3:13 PM ET
Hi Anderson,

Sorry, no great jokes for you but a request: please, avoid your Moroccan vacation's memories! I think the Moroccan National Tourist Office doesn't need that :-)! You surely have some interesting stories to tell about the behind the scene of the recent debate...

Thanks in advance!
Posted By Delphine, Paris, France : 3:14 PM ET
How many goth kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

NONE. They'd rather sit in the dark & cry.

Bwhahaha.
Posted By sarah : 3:16 PM ET
This may be cheesy but this one always makes me laugh -

A blonde walks by and sees a redhead jumping up and down in the middle of the street yelling "58, 58, 58...” The blonde goes over and joins in; both are yelling "58, 58, 58...” A truck comes by and hits the blonde. The redhead continues jumping and now yelling "59, 59, 59...”

I hope you like this one. I enjoy and learn from your show every day. Thank you for your hard work and dedication to the truth about the world we live in.
Posted By Roxanne : 3:16 PM ET
This is so lame, you can't help but to get a little bit of a laugh out of it. I found it on the internet somewhere.

Two fish swam into a wall. One looked at the other and said "dam."
Posted By Jessica, Campbellsville, KY : 3:17 PM ET
Well, if you can't think of a good joke, you could always show him some dramatic animal videos or better yet, the Japanese seamen video. I mean, you really can't go wrong with "Seamen Ship".
Posted By Kimberly Miller, Lancaster, PA : 3:23 PM ET
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady
> sitting on a park bench
> sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what
> was wrong. She said, "I
> have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to
> me every morning and
> then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh
> fruit and freshly ground
> coffee."
> I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said,
> "He makes me homemade
> soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then
> makes love to me for half
> the afternoon.
> I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For
> dinner he makes me a
> gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and
> then makes love to me
> until 2:00 a.m." I said, "Well, why in the world
> would you be crying?" She
> said, "I can't remember where I live!"
Posted By Holly - San Antonio : 3:25 PM ET
Hi Anderson,
Well, I thought Dr. Gupta was having an adventure with scuba diving! Driving the lovely LA Russian Roulette, aka freeway, is quite the fun, isn't it?
As for a joke for Jay...Well, pray you're not on last and have to be cut for breaking news...You never know with show biz. A good joke in Jay's monologue could delay with laughter all your upcoming time! Show Biz, you gotta love it.
Posted By Lorie Ann, Buellton,Calif. : 3:25 PM ET
Hey Anderson. It's great to see you guys keeping on the earmark thing. Hopefully it will bring about some real change.

Jokes? I've got nothing. But can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Posted By Stacy, St. Louis, MO : 3:29 PM ET
Anderson--

I feel your pain about driving in LA!

I grew up in the San Fernando Valley and spent far too many years riding on the lovely public buses, and by the way, sitting in more than my fair share of
traffic as well.

As for a joke for Jay, here's my all-time favorite one, and it's a clean one too! :)

A guy is talking to God and asks him, "What's a million dollars to you?"

God replies, "A penny."

Guy then asks, "Well, what's a million years to you?

God says, "A second."

Guy asks, "Can I have a penny?"

And God says, "Sure, just a second."

Hope you're laughing!

See you this evening from beautiful downtown Burbank (place of my birth, btw...)

Smiles...Carolyn
Posted By Carolyn, Washington, DC : 3:30 PM ET
Hi Anderson,

Ok..here it goes.

One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So he called one of his angels to go to earth for a time.
When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not." God thought for a moment and said, "maybe I had better send down another angel to get a second opinion."
So God sent down another angel and go the same response. God was not pleased. So he decided to contact the 5% who were good, because he wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help keep them going.

Do you know what he said?
No?
Okay, just checking with you. I didn't hear from him either.

Hope you at least got a chuckle out of it.
See you tonight.
Posted By Jessica Milwaukee, WI : 3:31 PM ET
Sorry, no good jokes for you, at least none that you can repeat on network tv.

L.A. traffic is not so bad - I've got short cuts to most everywhere. Or you can avoid rush hour. Just drive between 3 and 5AM and you'll be fine.

We do have the best weather in the world and fantastic restaurants. It's the city you love to hate.

By the way, I'm thinking of moving.
Posted By Barbara, Culver City, CA : 3:40 PM ET
Anderson:

I will use your comment about traffic problems to complain about the traffic on I-12 between Baton Rouge and Denham Springs. It takes me almost a solid hour to get home every night and Denham Springs is only 12 miles from where I work. I think evolution is in reverse, so I have decided that this stretch of I-12 supports this theory. IQ's drop on I-12 starting at around 5:00 pm Monday-Friday. I half expect to look over at the car sitting perfectly still next to me one day and see a chimp driving it. The problem is soooo bad that state troopers give out hundreds of tickets PER WEEK to moronic drivers who cause accidents and such. And not to mention that Baton Rouge is probably the only city of its size WITHOUT A LOOP. There's apparently a commission now to investigate the possibility of a loop that will take a decade to build. Meanwhile, this "commission" will spend millions of dollars looking into it. Check back in 10 years and I'll bet there's NO LOOP.
Thanks for letting me spew forth my anger and discontent. I feel unburdened now. You should charge an hourly fee.
Sorry, all of my jokes involve way too much profanity for Leno.
But I do have a funny seagull story. Your shot of the day last week about the seagull in the convenience store reminded me of my trip to Disneyworld last year. My sister and I were having $7 hot dogs near Ariel's grotto when out of nowhere, a huge seagull swooped down, hovering just above our table and craftily stole the weiner from my sister's hot dog and flew away amid gasps from the other diners. I can only assume that it was on the Atkins diet.
Posted By Debbie, Denham Springs, LA : 3:41 PM ET
Hi Anderson,
Jay Leno huh? I don't think you need any help from us, your are quite the comic on your own!
I have to see this. Jay Leno and Anderson Cooper! Now THAT makes me laugh out loud!
Good Luck!
Posted By Betty Ann, Nacogdoches,TX : 3:43 PM ET
Not sure if I can help you in the joke depatment, but you could always show Jay that clip from your fortieth birthday.....always make me laugh!
Posted By Saera El Paso, TX : 3:56 PM ET
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "bartender, I'll have a beer and a mop."





Sorry, that's all I got;)
Posted By Lily, Vancouver BC : 4:06 PM ET
Anderson,


I was wondering why you were in LA,? we here in the bay area deal with the nightmare traffic everyday almost anywhere you go, it's like being in a parade, real quality time..the only jokes I know are "R" rated ...sorry, I'll tell you later, looking forward to the show tonight, glad to hear you'll be having some fun,, after always working overtime.

maritza
Posted By Maritza San Jose, Ca : 4:06 PM ET
I don't think I can help in the joke department, I was finally able to read your book...
I'd like to thank you for writing it. Sometimes, hearing that your not alone can really make a difference.
Good luck on Leno
Posted By Saera El Paso, TX : 4:06 PM ET
Anderson, the joke is "LA traffic". I hate going there. San Diego's traffic is pretty bad right now and getting worse. Good luck tonight with Jay. Maybe he'll take you for a ride in his Corvette?? After all, he does drive to work every day.
Posted By Wynona, San Diego, CA : 4:11 PM ET
God the pressure to think of a joke off the top of your head is hard....you hear millions and then when you need one you can't think of anything sorry :(
If I think of one in the next little bit I will pass it on

I feel your pain in regards to the traffic in LA......traffic is totally my pet peeve. Thank goodness for subways in Toronto

Good luck with the taping......don't let Heidi Klum get fresh with you :P
Posted By Megan O. Toronto, ON, Canada : 4:19 PM ET
Hi Anderson, I got couple of jokes that you might can use here goes.

1. In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun but unfortunately he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

2. Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love.

They exchanged hellos, and went on their way.

As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, "Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today."

She smirked and replied, "No, if I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States."

That's all I can think of for right now. You been in my thoughts when you on Jay Leno show.

Jennifer - From Anderson, South Carolina.
Posted By bluediamond (Jennifer) : 4:19 PM ET
Anderson!

You spent some time in Atlanta... The traffic is horrible here too! I can relate! As for a joke... I have a cheesy one for you...
What do you do when an elephant sits on your fence....
Get a New Fence!!

Good Luck Tonight!
Posted By Meagan, Alpharetta GA : 4:34 PM ET
Hi Anderson,
As per your request to the viewers, here's a couple of one-liners from various comedians
(with current event themes.)
1) A crisis is when you can't just say,"Let's forget the whole thing."
2)Two recently seen slogans: Jack Kevorkian for White House physician. &
3) IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
4) Is there really such a thing as a civil war?
Chin, chin, bet you'll have lots of fun on the show.
Posted By Carol B., Frederick, MD : 4:41 PM ET
Dear Anderson,

Hi! Besides the fabulous museums and restaurants, the ease of getting around is one reason why New York City is my favorite city! I would rather walk than sit in traffic any day!

On June 28 I called my senators Sherrod Brown and George Voinovich and my representative Betty Sutton regarding their 2008 earmarks. Since they have failed to respond I have contacted their offices again. Now that HB 4ll-8 has been passed maybe I’ll get a response. I will be looking forward to tonight's report.

Sorry I don’t have a joke to offer you, but you can always resort to showing the dancing Larry video or discuss the recent adventures of Prince Freddie, that should be good for a few laughs.

Good luck with Leno! Maybe he’ll show your first appearance on the Tonight Show with your mom when you were a baby; we'd love to see it!

Jo Ann
Posted By Jo Ann Matese, North Royalton,Ohio : 4:43 PM ET
Why are men's brains worth more? Because they are barely used, like brand new.
Posted By Missy, Fairfield, Connecticut : 4:44 PM ET
How about some The President's Playlist:

Iraq Around the Clock
Jumpin' Jack Flash,Check the price of gas
Blinded by the Right
Cheney's Got a Gun
Oil Fields Forever
Knockin' on Iran's Door

Have fun tonight!
Posted By Cheryl, Johnston RI : 4:47 PM ET
I'm probably too late with this, but here goes:

A priest, minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey, what is this, some kind of joke?"

Sorry, I don't know many clean jokes. I'm sure you can put a humorous spin on the "commute from hell" story. If all else fails, do the "sloth dance". That's always good for a chuckle. :-)
Posted By BJ, Bangor, ME : 5:04 PM ET
Anderson,

Maybe on your next trip to California, 360 could broadcast from Ventura County. I escaped the nonsense of L.A. and moved to Moorpark (near the Reagan Library.) We have a train here in town. I grew up in the West San Fernando Valley and the only positive comment I can think of about the traffic is .... oh yeah nothing. Well, maybe celebrity encounters. If you are going to drive in L.A., you need to know all the backroads. I went from the SF Valley to downtown L.A. everyday for three years and never subjected myself, nor my car, to the freeways.
All the jokes that come to mind require visuals. Jay likes to rag on lawyers (so do I and I am one).
You don't need jokes, just do what you do when you talk to Erica Hill - you two are hilarious!
Have fun!!
Kathy
Posted By Kathy, Moorpark, CA : 5:08 PM ET
Anderson, I think you're actually wittier than Jay Leno, so no worries...
Posted By Fay, Vacaville, CA : 5:13 PM ET
OK, Anderson, this is from my mom; it’s a joke about the population problem in the Philippines:

Population policies of countries:
China: Stop at 1 child.
Singapore: Stop at 2 children.
Philippines: STOP AT 4 A.M.!
Posted By Lilibeth, Edmonds, WA : 5:21 PM ET
Hey Anderson,
Well I am not very good at jokes and this one is kinda cheesy. You have to go to the bath room really bad so your Russian (rushing) and Eurapean (you're a peeing) and someone askes you a question and you say I'm Finnish (finished).

Haha funny right. Anyways, is 360 coming back to New York or satying in LA for good???

PEACE... Joanna
Posted By Joanna Parker ,DE : 5:24 PM ET
"Did I tell you about my friend with a wooden leg named Smith?"

"No, what was the name of his other leg?"
Posted By Missy, Fairfield, Connecticut : 5:25 PM ET
Hi Anderson,

LA does have somewhat of a subway system called Metro Link...it just doesn't work very well hence all the cars.

I don't have any jokes but I can tell you that my Congressman Brad Sherman has not responded to my email regarding why he won't respond to CNN's request to disclose his earmarks. Also, not only didn't I get a response from Hillary Clinton's camp either, I get emailed to start support parties for her campaign even though I checked the box not to receive those types of emails!

Have a great time on Leno!
Posted By Missy, Los Angeles, CA : 5:32 PM ET
OK here is one, and please don't send the PC Police to my front door:>)
I knew this guy named "Randy" Rounds.
Every time he saw a nice looking woman he would walk up to her and introduce himself with "hi i"m Randy. And he would then get the "beejeebers" slapped out of him. Well when he had no more beejeebers left, he legally changed his first name to Randoph.

Good move Ex-Lax.

Thanks for taking my Yoke. You didn;t say it had to be funny. :)
Posted By Rollo Rogers, San Diego, CA : 5:33 PM ET
Hi Anderson, Here's three more jokes that I came up with I don't know were you can use them or not, but I think you will like them :)

How many IBM employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
10,000: one to hold up the light bulb, and 9,999 to turn the building around.

Welcome to Megacomputer's 24-hour helpline.
If you have been waiting LESS than 24 hours, please remain on the line.
If you've been waiting MORE than 24 hours, touch '1' to order a life.

10 Ways You Know Your Internet Connection Is Slow:-
1. Text on Web pages displays as Morse Code.
2. Graphics arrive via FedEx.
3. You believe a heavier string might improve your connection.
4. You post a message to your favorite newsgroup and it displays a week later.
5. Your credit card expires while ordering online.
6. ESPN Web site exhibits 'Heisman Trophy Winner'...for 1989.
7. You're still in the middle of downloading that popular new game, 'PacMan'.
8. Everyone you talk to on the 'net phone' sounds like Forrest Gump.
9. You receive e-mails with stamps on them.
10. When you click the 'Send' button, a little door opens on the side of your monitor and a pigeon flies out.

I be looking forward to seeing you on the Tonight Show so just dont worry cause you always do a good job at anything that you do. You are in my thoughts and prayers. :)

Jennifer - From Anderson, South Carolina
Posted By bluediamond (Jennifer) : 5:44 PM ET
This joke won a "bad joke contest" but I think it's quite good.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

I love my nerdy chemistry jokes ;)

Otherwise, you can always tell your sloth story!!
Posted By Aruna, Minneapolis, MN : 5:53 PM ET
Hey Anderson, I honestly think that your own humor will stand out on the Leno show. Be yourself! I enjoyed a couple of your quips on the YouTube/CNN debate ie: "sadly my gray hair is catching up to my age", and your comment to Kucinich that "they probably could not find any one left of him". Also remember the Nth Degree, that was the best of your humorous side. By the way, Bring it back to 360.
See ya tonight.
Posted By Judy Stage/Brooklyn : 5:55 PM ET
Hi Anderson,
It's already taped by now so no joke for the show.
As an international viewer, I have no access to Tonight Show. Is it possible for you to show us some segments during 360 tomorrow night? I'd like to know which joke you chose!
Posted By Mio, Oita, Japan : 5:57 PM ET
Hi Anderson.

I've no idea if we're too late for the suggestion of funnies, but as my friend Rose pointed out, you could just show the clip from the Planet in Peril Amazon trip where Jeff Corwin was tormenting you with a frog. It's not a joke per se, but we laughed until we cried watching it. I keep it on my laptop at work as a pick-me-up for those long days. Still hilarious after multiple viewings.

Ribbit!
Posted By Elizabeth, San Francisco, CA : 5:58 PM ET
Anderson,

As you are not a comedian, I would leave the jokes to Jon Stewart. Just be your personable self. And I should remind you that CA is a big state and that there is much more to it than LA. Instead of staying in Lala land you should have taken a road trip and filmed lots of good stuff for Planet in Peril. Take care and enjoy our Golden State. Oh one thing not to do on the Tonight Show, is to divulge the ending to the new Harry Potter book. That will be a real career breaker more so than a joke that flops.
Posted By Charlotte D, Stockton CA : 7:27 PM ET
dear Anderson, Try this one....

A young woman is jogging on the reservation and comes to a fork in the road with an indian standing in the center... as she passes he raises his hand and says, "Chance." She smiles and jogs on by... after about 50 ft she stops and jogs back. She approaches the indian and inquires, "I don't mean to be rude, but don't indians usually say ho?!"

The wiley indian replies smiling, "Already know how; just want chance."

P.S. I live on a reservation.
Posted By James Foley Kamiah, Idaho : 7:42 PM ET
Hey Anderson,
I know what you mean with traffic. It's always a bummer. I live in a town that allows me to walk or take a bus or subway also. It's faster and healthier.

As for jokes,well,here is one. It's a little bit border line but it would fit in Jay Leno's show:

"A guy goes into a restaurant and asks for a table. The waiter tells him that there is only one table left and that a 8 inches pianist is already sittin there. The guy says ok. He sits with the pianist who is playing the piano. The guy says to the waiter "where did you ever found an 8 inches pianist?" The waiter says "You see that tree out in the back? You shake it and a genie appears". The guy,all excited goes and shakes the tree. The genie appears and ask him what he desires. The guy answers:"One million bucks" and pouf!!One million ducks appear!! The guy goes back inside and says to the waiter What the hell is that?!?I asked for a million bucks not a million ducks"!To wich the waiter responds,furiously "Oh,because you think I really asked for a 8 inches pianist?!?!?" hihi
So,Anderson,if you decide to go with that joke,I'll sell you the rights to it for $5000.00.Just have your lawyers contact mine.LOL!
Have a great evening and stay on the roof top,there's no traffic there!
Joanne R.
Laval Quebec
Posted By Joanne R.Laval Quebec : 7:44 PM ET
Here's another idea...

Show him the part of any number of Bush's speeches on how the terrorists are so jealous of our freedoms, and right after that, splice in an excerpt of Anthony Michael Hall in the Breakfast club saying, "You're so conceited Clare; you're so conceited."

;P

Then again you could ask if he was intimidated when interviewing Paul Teutel Sr., of American Chopper
Posted By James Foley Kamiah, Idaho : 7:49 PM ET
A democrat walks into the oval office, sits down and starts telling him how he's frustrated that he isn't being listened to , and how noone gives him any credit, and how he's got all the right answers if people would just take note every once in a while...

The president looks up and says, "What's that? I wasn't listening; I don't read so good."
Posted By James Foley Kamiah, Idaho : 8:09 PM ET
Hey Anderson,

Jokes. You want jokes - I want to hear about the wierdo things you do in the privacy of your home.

Do you have to wear certain jeans while doing something?

Do you use more then one toothbrush?

Who is Anderson when he's not on TV?

Hope the Jay Leno show goes great.

About the people who raise dogs to fight. I feel sick to my stomach. I don't know whether to cry or scream. God help them.

Thanx for everything, and take care.
Posted By Karen, Boston, MA : 8:49 PM ET
Hi Anderson,

Here are a few...ha ha. Enjoy.

An old guy’s car collides with a young guy’s car and both are demolished. The two crawl out of the wreckage, amazed that neither of them was hurt in the accident.

The old guy says, "Look at this miracle! This must surely be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live our lives in peace for the rest of our days."
"Sure," says the young guy, convinced the old man’s crazy.
"And look at this!” says the old guy, reaching back into his car. "A miracle! My car is demolished, but this bottle of 12-year-old Scotch didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink and celebrate our good fortune."
Again the young guy agrees, so the old guy opens the bottle and passes it to him. The young guy smiles and takes several huge swigs, then tries to hand it to the old guy, who, to his surprise, refuses. "Aren’t you having any?” asks the young guy.
"No, thanks," replies the old guy. "I’ll wait for the police."



Sick of the city, Sam quits his job and moves to Minnesota, as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. After six months of isolation, someone knocks on his door. A huge bearded man is standing on his porch.
"Name’s Lars," the man says, "from down the road. Having a party Saturday. Wanna come?"
"Definitely," says Sam. "After six months out here, I’m ready to meet some people."
"Gotta warn you," says Lars, "there’s gonna be some drink’in”
"No problem: I can drink with the best of them," says Sam.
"More likely gonna be some fight’in too."
"Well, I like people," Sam says. "I’ll be there."
Lars starts to walk away, and then turns back. "I seen some wild sex at these parties, too."
"Not a problem," says Sam. "I’ve been alone for six months! Just one question, though: What should I wear?"
Lars shrugs. "Whatever you want – just gonna be the two of us."


On the first day of kindergarten, the teacher asks each student to count to 50. Some count as high as 30 or 40; others can’t get past 20. But Johnny counts up to 100 without any mistakes. When he tells his dad how well he did, his dad says, "That’s because you’re from Alabama, son."
The next day, the teacher asks the students to recite the alphabet. Most can only make it halfway through without trouble, but Johnny rattles off the letters perfectly. When he brags to his dad about how he did, his dad explains again, "That’s because you’re from Alabama, son."
The next day, after phys. ed., the boys are taking showers, and Johnny notices that he is better endowed than anyone else. That night he boasts, "Dad, mine’s the biggest of anyone in my class. Is it because I’m from Alabama?"
"No, son," explains his dad. "That’s because you’re 22."


A man goes to his doctor for a complete check-up. He hasn’t been feeling well and wants to find out if he’s ill. After the check-up, the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
"I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time," the doctor says.
"Oh no, that’s terrible. How long have I got?” the man asks.
"Ten," says the doctor.
"Ten? Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!” he asks desperately.
"Nine. . ."
Posted By Anna, Toronto, Ontario : 9:16 PM ET
HI Anderson,
Personally I don't think that you need any jokes. I find you pretty funny when I'm reading your blogs or watching your show. I'm sure you'll be just fine on the Tonight Show. It's not like it's your first time. Everything will go great!
P.S.
I would also be interested in your traffic story.
Posted By Gabrielle, Denver : 9:16 PM ET
Anderson,

No jokes! You're pretty funny on your own, at least you keep me laughing!

All set to record Jay and 360. The extra 360 is for my "Best of AC360"!

According to Roxanne's "58" joke, redheads are sharper than blondes. I could have told you that!

Maggie
Posted By Maggie, Grain Valley, Mo : 9:42 PM ET
Ah Anderson,

Don't tell us that CNN doesn't spring for a limo or town car to take you wherever you want to go.

You may feel out of water here, but when I see you broadcasting from the roof, with that Capitol Records building just over your shoulder (designed to resemble a stack of LPs with a needle on top), I feel like 360 is in my home. I love the sense of locality. Call for a ride anytime!
Posted By Michele Jackson, Northridge, CA : 10:56 PM ET
Hi Anderson,

Started getting gray hair at age 20, and was completely gray by age 35. I like your hair; it looks very mature and handsome
By the way I am happy you are here in LA.

Nika from Los Angeles
Posted By Anonymous : 4:34 AM ET
What's w/ the whining about traffic? It takes most of us a year to make what you make in a week, Anderson. Here's a deal for you. I'll wait in a week's worth of LA traffic for one paycheck of yours. That would pay off everything, including my mortgage! Have a nice day
Posted By xtina - chicago IL : 6:26 AM ET
Do U really feel that you're too privileged to have to deal with the little, everyday annoyances us "regular" people have to face? Try driving in traffic twice a day for five days per week like us working stiffs. Thank you and good luck.
Posted By Cary, Lowell, IN : 6:49 AM ET
Anderson,

Great job last night! Have a safe trip back to NY! Try to make another trip to Atlanta, preferably on a weekend so I can get my book signed!
Posted By Meagan, Alpharetta GA : 8:24 AM ET
Whoa, xtina! Did someone get up on the wrong side of the broom this morning??? What's up with slamming Anderson for how much money he makes? What does that have to do with...ANYTHING????
Posted By Debbie, Denham Springs, LA : 9:11 AM ET
The total collapse seems so odd like the whole bridge was being supported at one point. It reminds me of the famous black and white video in which it shows the bridge, don't remember the name, twisting so violently it finally fell apart which one theory was believed to be due to the wind causing a resonant frequency to have developed on the bridge which caused it to loose all resistance to the wind. I heard on your weather that a fairly substantial wind of maybe 15 to 20 mph was blowing across the bridge and jackhammers were being heard at the time of the collapse, maybe the vibration from the jackhammers intune with the wind caused a resonant frequency to develop on the bridge causing it to just fall apart, just like the bridge in the famous black and white video.
Posted By Randy Althoff in Indianapolis,In. : 1:59 PM ET
Come on people, NO ONE likes sitting in traffic for hours on end, I don't think there's enough money in the world to make that less frustrating.

Anderson was his usual funny self on The Tonight Show and he gets extra points for shocking Heidi Klum!
Posted By Fay, Vacaville, CA : 2:03 PM ET
Anderson, I am so disappointed that I missed your appearance on the Tonight show last night. I would love to have seen it! I did not have a chance to read the blog yesterday so I did not find out about your appearance until this am. Please give us a little advance notice next time!!! I was actual awake at that time, watching another great Seinfeld episode. However, I would have flipped the station in an instant had I known you were on.And by the way, I am sure you did not need any help in the "joke" department as you have quite a sense of humor. Hopefully, I'll catch it on You Tube (or in reruns!)
Posted By Judy, Hatfield, Pa : 4:19 PM ET
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