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Web-only Exclusives
November 30, 2000

From Our Correspondent: Hirohito and the War
A conversation with biographer Herbert Bix

From Our Correspondent: A Rough Road Ahead
Bad news for the Philippines - and some others

From Our Correspondent: Making Enemies
Indonesia needs friends. So why is it picking fights?

Asiaweek Time Asia Now Asiaweek story

A NEED TO TRULY VALUE WOMEN

In Malaysia, we should change the way society looks at their roles

By Marina Mahathir


asia in the new millennium
Mapping the Future The future wealth and size of Asian nations

The 21st Century By Arthur C. Clarke

Asia Trends 2000 The promises and perils of one wired world


The Microchip Silicon will get into everything
The Power As the region prospers, chances for conflict may become greater
Essay by Fidel Ramos Ending repression was easy; now we must defend freedom
The Dynasty It's here to stay
The Classes Many more Asians may escape poverty
The People Democracy in Asia will become increasingly deep-rooted
Essay by Bishop Carlos Ximenes Belo Shifts to new paradigms may include the "common good" and spirituality
The Mind Classrooms of the future will be virtually unrecognizable
Essay by Stan Shih The challenge of creating markets in a competitive world
The Body Science will soon deliver miracle cures, designer babies and new dilemmas
The Soul Asia seeks a new cultural identity
Essay by the Dalai Lama Balancing material progress with inner development to achieve true success
The Food Are the pushers of genetically modified edibles out to lunch?
The Vacation Inner and outer space are the destinations of the future
The Design Asia still has a place in the shape of things to come
The Metropolis Sweeping global changes are reshaping urban destinies
The Earth Environmental awareness is growing
The Jobs New and reinvented careers will fire the imagination
The Money The cashless society is on the way
The Investor Globalization and the Net will empower future shareholders and savers
The Sexes Democracy, capitalism and the Internet can lift women to the top
Essay by Marina Mahathir In Malaysia, we should change the way society looks at their roles
The Family The family promises to be much different than it is today
The Economy New ways of working call for new ways of thinking
Essay by Donald Tsang Financial well-being is a responsibility for each nation and the world
The Network The connection will go much deeper


The Asiaweek Round Table on ASEAN in 2020

Celebrations Asia is gearing up

Celebrities How some of the region's most visible personalities intend to welcome the New Year

Millenium Dictionary From pop anthems to dawn sites and midnight nuptials, a guide to 2000

I AM THE PRODUCT of a family ahead of its time. My parents met at university which they entered late because of World War II. They both studied medicine, my mother becoming only the second Malay woman doctor in Malaya. Her father, unusual for his time, insisted that she not get married before she graduated. She delayed this more by having to re-sit two years. Thus my parents got married at 31 and 30, very late for their generation. By the time I got married at 28, attitudes had caught up with my parents. My mother worked through marriage and four babies. Despite that, and tut-tutting from the more conservative, none of us became delinquents.

I am fairly typical of a middle-class woman of my generation. I had a child a year after marriage. It is perhaps unusual that I married a foreigner and lived overseas. More so, I was a homemaker for the first two years of my baby's life. When I was 38, I divorced and at 41, remarried another foreigner. I have just had our first child. Each with a child from our previous marriages, we are what I call a patchwork family.

If my own history is unusual, I think it will be less so in the new millennium. With greater urbanization, and better education for women, more are choosing different combinations of career, marriage and motherhood. Malaysian family life is taking on differing patterns. More women will marry outside their ethnic group and even nationality, the result of better mixing between the races and overseas travel and education.

Malaysians will probably marry more often, partly because Muslim men are well off enough to marry more than one wife. Muslim marriages have steadily increased over the past 10 years. One reason is population growth. But the statistics do not specify second or third marriages. At the same time, divorces have declined steadily. This may be the result of better pre-marriage mandatory counseling for Muslim couples or, more darkly, the result of unhappy marriages unable to conclude in divorce because of a personal or official barrier.

Still, attitudes toward divorce have changed, with many women preferring to opt out of marriages that are sad facades. There were 8,595 Muslim divorces and 10,000 civil divorces in 1996, not a lot. Yet attitudes among the men who control the family courts, particularly the shariah courts, have not changed. One sad example is that of Aida Melly, who obtained a divorce only to see it overturned by a court which sided with her (now remarried) husband. The injustice and selfishness galvanized women's groups. What interests me is the silence of the man's second wife. Does she not protest the cruelty of a husband who insists on remaining married to a first wife who doesn't want him?

Women marrying foreigners is also more commonplace, but official attitudes have not caught up. Foreign husbands cannot stay and work in Malaysia. Women contemplating marrying foreigners are told to either not do so or move to their husbands' homelands. As if it were so simple to dictate the heart! Sometimes a way can be found for the husband to stay, usually by setting up a business. But the callous pronouncements make the women feel unvalued, that their contributions in society can be dismissed because they fell in love with a foreigner. Poor women who marry migrant workers are valued least, doomed to separation or more impoverished lives abroad.

We need to change the way society looks at women's roles. It is often a case of two steps forward, one step back. We are the first Asian country to have a Domestic Violence Act, its passage and implementation a nine-year struggle. Even now difficulties arise because attitudes have not changed much. Women reporting their violent husbands are still being told to go home and be "nicer" to them.

Another struggle is over the Guardianship Act. Malaysian women - but not Muslims - were recently given the right to be the legal guardians of their own children; they can sign documents for them. Muslim women don't have the right as the matter is deemed to be covered by the shariah, not civil law. Again it is evident that Muslim authorities are suspicious of anything that empowers their women. Until women are truly valued for their contributions to society, families and communities will not change for the better. Blaming women for society's woes is all too common. Abandoned babies are the result of the wantonness of women, not the irresponsibility of the men who impregnated them. Juvenile delinquency is due to women who work outside the home "for fun." These are statements from religion-based parties who seek to govern Malaysia.

Meantime I look at my patchwork family and see one that works. The values that my parents imparted, particularly about gender roles, are more relevant than ever. We have the right to put together a viable family unit in the way we see fit, not one that conforms to rigid rules. Building a family in the new millennium is, and should be, an ongoing learning process.

Marina Mahathir is an activist for AIDS and other social causes in Malaysia


This edition's table of contents | Asiaweek home

AsiaNow



WASHINGTON
U.S. secretary of state says China should be 'tolerant'

MANILA
Philippine government denies Estrada's claim to presidency

ALLAHABAD
Faith, madness, magic mix at sacred Hindu festival

COLOMBO
Land mine explosion kills 11 Sri Lankan soldiers

TOKYO
Japan claims StarLink found in U.S. corn sample

BANGKOK
Thai party announces first coalition partner



TIME:

COVER: President Joseph Estrada gives in to the chanting crowds on the streets of Manila and agrees to make room for his Vice President

THAILAND: Twin teenage warriors turn themselves in to Bangkok officials

CHINA: Despite official vilification, hip Chinese dig Lamaist culture

PHOTO ESSAY: Estrada Calls Snap Election

WEB-ONLY INTERVIEW: Jimmy Lai on feeling lucky -- and why he's committed to the island state



ASIAWEEK:

COVER: The DoCoMo generation - Japan's leading mobile phone company goes global

Bandwidth Boom: Racing to wire - how underseas cable systems may yet fall short

TAIWAN: Party intrigues add to Chen Shui-bian's woes

JAPAN: Japan's ruling party crushes a rebel ì at a cost

SINGAPORE: Singaporeans need to have more babies. But success breeds selfishness


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