Did somebody say McLiar?
By Joel Stein
December 6, 1999
Web posted at: 1:30 p.m. EST (1830 GMT)
For years I have had my own questions with the WTO. Most of those
questions were a variation on "What is this stuff in the
newspaper about the WTO?" But thanks to this week's protests in
Seattle, I now know that the WTO is some sort of organization
that deals with trade barriers but doesn't help women, the
environment, indigenous people or anarchists. Personally that
sounds like a lot to ask from people already willing to spend
entire days discussing tariffs, but still, I am definitely down
with the protesters in Seattle. They are expressing rage about
being dominated by corporations like Starbucks, McDonald's and
Nike. I hate big corporations. Unfortunately, like most Americans
I like the products they make. But I like the idea of breaking
store windows and bothering police while dressed as a sea turtle
even more. So to prepare for my role as protester for the next
WTO convention, I needed my own peeve with corporate America.
For years I've noticed that McDonald's signs across America have
their counters stuck at 99 billion served. McDonald's, I figured,
was waiting for just the right moment to spring a big 100 billion
campaign on us based on the assumption that people who eat
poultry nuggets are easily duped.
I called my brother-in-arms, Jose Bove, the French farm leader
who has taken crowbars to McDonald's in his homeland. I caught
him on his cell phone while he walked the turbulent streets of
downtown Seattle. It took him a while to understand the
importance of my findings. But eventually he caught on.
"McDonald's had a good way to make publicity, and people like
that," he said. And then, after some mushy watermelon sounds in
the background, he added, "I have a problem with police. Can you
call me back here?"
Empowered by Bove's bravery, I called Nancy Izquierdo at
McDonald's corporate communications, who told me the company
stopped counting on April 14, 1994, when, at the shady sounding,
acronym-needy McDonald's Biennial Worldwide Convention, then
chairman Michael Quinlan announced that the company had passed
the 100-billion-burgers mark and somehow missed it. Deciding to
focus on the future, he advised the 25,000 franchise owners to
switch to the Carl Saganesque "billions and billions." I didn't
buy one word of it. So I stopped at my McDonald's on 34th Street
in Manhattan, which has a 99 Billion Served sign. Manager Eddie
Correa said he was unfamiliar with the Biennial Edict and hadn't
thought about changing the sign during his two years with the
company. Dissatisfied, I ate a double cheeseburger.
Then I noticed that Eddie's sign doesn't have a space for a third
digit, which must have prevented Eddie from rolling past 99
because of this low-tech Y2K problem. It seems corporate
behemoths actually aren't all that well structured. I work for a
corporation with a market capitalization larger than McDonald's,
and our television reviewer still can't get free Time Warner
cable service. Maybe it's a miracle that the global community is
working at all. Even so, I'm still going to dress like a sea
turtle. But I'm going to continue doing it in the privacy of my
own home.
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Cover Date: December 13, 1999
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