World's greatest letter writer makes letter writing great again

Never written a letter to the editor? Good. Go ahead and give up now, because you're not going to beat this guy down in Florida.

Story highlights

  • Terry Vaught's letter to the Tampa Bay Times appeared in the newspaper Sunday
  • He claims his letter is so good it should be Letter of the Month

(CNN)Ever wrote a letter to the editor? (Yes, people still do that.) Well, if you haven't, you shouldn't even start, because there's a guy down in Florida who writes letters that will blow your little literary contributions out of the water.

Don't believe it? Check out the beginning of this letter, published Sunday in the Tampa Bay Times:
    I write fabulous letters. If you read all the letters I have written, you would agree. You would love them. Other letter writers are weak, soft and out of touch. I'm not like that, and I'm sure if you are reading this you aren't either.
    Really, who among you can compete with such awesomeness?
    And if all this bluster reminds you of a certain presidential candidate, that's probably the whole point.

    It's obvious

    The letter writer -- Terry Vaught, of Dover, Florida -- told the Tampa Bay Times it was "obvious" he was channeling his inner Donald Trump, but he was also PO'd at the newspaper for editing out the best parts, like how he was "going to build a wall and put my letters on them. Then I'll get the other letter writers to pay for building the wall."
    Can't believe they took out that one. Anyway, here's the full text of Vaught's most fantastical prose:
    I write fabulous letters. If you read all the letters I have written, you would agree. You would love them. Other letter writers are weak, soft and out of touch. I'm not like that, and I'm sure if you are reading this you aren't either.
    This paper really needs great letters, and I am awesome at letter writing.
    Other letter writers might attack me, but then they go away. They don't have what it takes to keep writing great letters. I have what it takes to write the best letters. Letter writers who disagree need to be punched in the face and run out of town.
    I guarantee this letter will be picked as letter of the month. If it isn't picked, it will prove that this letter writing contest is rigged.

    Why wait?

    Vaught also told the Tampa Bay Times he was upset that his letter hasn't been named Letter of the Month for August. True, August just really got started and a winning letter won't be picked until the end of the month, but if you wrote letters this awe-inspiring, would you want to wait until the end of the month to soak up the much-deserved praise?