There were times during Trump's speech I actually expected him to pause, turn to the camera and yell: "Live from New York, it's Saturday night!"
In fact, "Saturday Night Live" will have a difficult time parodying Trump's speech because it's almost impossible to heighten comically.
The comedy, or maybe we should just coin a term and call it "Trumpedy," began even before his news conference kicked off, which was held (like a typical "man of the people") at the luxurious golf and country club that bears his name.
Trump, apparently in an effort to counter Mitt Romney and others attacks on Trump's numerous past business failings, had staffers put out a buffet of Trump products on the stage. There were Trump wines, Trump water and Trump steaks. It was like a Trump home shopping network special.
So with these props lined up next to him like the political version of Carrot Top, Trump took the stage and served up meandering speech that was less about politics and more just a guy who wanted to vent on national TV. As if this was a private dinner party and not a speech on the night of four primaries, Trump pointed to friends at what apparently was an invitation-only event and made inside jokes about being a golf club champion.
And in typical Trump style, he also discussed in detail the recent polls -- both the ones he loves and hated. Many people fault Trump for a lack of understanding of policy, but no one can deny that when it comes to polls, Trump is a master. (If Trump doesn't win the election, he really should become a pollster.)
Trump then went on to lash out at his opponents for attacking him over the Trump University lawsuits in which literally thousands of his school's former students are suing him alleging deceptive business practices
. How dare his opponents call into question his honesty was Trump's tone, only moments after he called Ted Cruz: "Lyin' Ted Cruz."
He also mocked Marco Rubio for being hostile, noting that tactic didn't help Rubio. Trump then gave us a humble brag that not everyone can pull off hostility.
But to be fair, Trump touched on policy issues as well.
The GOP front-runner declared that ISIS is defeating the United States and that ISIS is "dictating terms" to our nation. I imagine that comes as a great morale boast to ISIS fighters who have recently faced some well-documented setbacks
, including reportedly on Tuesday the possible killing of the terrorist group's "minister of war" by a U.S. airstrike. But why should facts get in the way of serving up a good sound bite?
Trump then brought his one-man show to a close, bragging that when he makes it to the White House, he will be "more presidential than anybody" -- with the possible exception of Abraham Lincoln, he humbly added.
The idea of a President Trump representing our great nation on the world stage should cause a strong emotional reaction in every American. For his fans -- which appear to be about 40% of the GOP electorate -- that idea likely elicits a great sense of joy. For the rest of us, the reaction is more nausea. And I'm not talking the slightly queasy sense of nausea you get from drinking spoiled milk, but more akin to a horrible case of food poisoning. (Think bad Chinese food.)
Watching Trump on Tuesday made me feel a great deal of empathy for the Republicans who are doing everything they can to defeat Trump. The GOP was once headed by people such as Abraham Lincoln, Dwight Eisenhower and Ronald Reagan. And now they are staring at their party being headed by Trump. I truly feel for those Republicans.
But I will feel much worse for the rest of us if Trump is elected president of the United States. Simply put, America deserves so much better than the walking punchline known as Donald J. Trump.