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Are these the world's sexiest accents?

By Jordan Burchette, for CNN
updated 8:00 AM EDT, Thu September 18, 2014
The bad news: she finds your bad breath and dirty elbows repulsive. The good news: it sounded totally hot when she told you in "Argentinian." The bad news: she finds your bad breath and dirty elbows repulsive. The good news: it sounded totally hot when she told you in "Argentinian."
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13. Argentine
12. Thai
11. Trinidadian
10. Brazilian Portuguese
9. U.S. Southern
8. Scottish
7. Irish
6. Nigerian
5. The Queen's English
4. Czech
3. Spanish
2. French
1. Italian
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STORY HIGHLIGHTS
  • There are an estimated 7,000 languages on earth; these ones sound sexiest to native-English speakers
  • Some Scottish voices "tumble like soft rain on warm bagpipes"
  • French vs. Italian: A debate for the ages
  • Some of y'all know y'all are on the list

(CNN) -- The Scots are talking a lot this week -- perhaps you've heard a little something about an independence referendum -- and that makes us happy.

That's because we like how the Scots talk.

Not necessarily what they say -- just the way they say it.

Imagine the way your Scottish pals might pronounce "pour" and "poor."

The Scottish accent is like no other.

Then again, neither is any other accent.

It's estimated that there are nearly 7,000 languages on earth.

That's nearly 7,000 different ways to traipse clumsily through the English language -- or to sex it up like an old Justin Timberlake song.

Of course, no accent is sexy when it's strong enough to crush a beer can.

Which means not all accents are created equal.

You choose: Hottest accents

All of this got us talking this week about which accents we like most.

So we decided to hold a vote of our own -- a Facebook poll to ask which accents you prefer. (Trinidadian has charged to the front at the time of writing. You can cast a vote via this link:: on.fb.me/1wHkW0y.)

Below is the list of sexiest brogues we came up with by deploying an admittedly unscientific methodology -- meaning we asked around the office, which does at least account for more nationalities than colors in the M&M universe.

Our also-rans included Australian (as appealing as warm Foster's to some, tantalizingly exotic to others) and Japanese (the language of repressed salarymen is also strangely designed for pillow talk).

Feel free to state your objections and/or rain your accolades in the comments section below and vote in our Facebook poll.

Because when it comes to accents, there are no absolutes.

Except that the one that makes you cringe is absolutely horrible.

You know which one we're talking about.

13. Argentine

Famous tongues: Fernando Lamas, Gabriela Sabatini

A historical refuge for Spaniards, Italians and Germans, the hyper-libidinous South Ameripean melting pot of Argentina has cultivated a proud, pouty tone.

With its own pronunciation of Spanish letters ("ll" sounds like "shh") and its own words ("you" is "vos"), this is a dialect that's hard to get. (Or at least plays that way.)

Sounds like: A tightly tuned guitar of G-strings strummed by a lamb shank

12. Thai

Famous tongues: Tony Jaa, Araya 'Chompoo' Hargate

With five tones comprising their native speech, the traffickers of this often fragile accent turn any language into a song of seduction.

Thai is largely monosyllabic, so multi-beat foreign words get extra emphases right up until the last letter, which is often left off, leaving the listener wanting more.

Sounds like: R-rated karaoke

11. Trinidadian

Famous tongues: Nicki Minaj, Billy Ocean

For fetishists of oddball sexuality, the Caribbean island of Trinidad offers an undulating, melodic gumbo of pan-African, French, Spanish, Creole and Hindi dialects that, when adapted for English, can be sex on a pogo stick.

Sounds like: A rubber life raft bobbing on a sea of steel drums

Go Brazil? Sounds good to us.
Go Brazil? Sounds good to us.

10. Brazilian Portuguese

Famous tongues: Alice Braga, Anderson Silva

Perhaps owing to its freedom from French influence, the Brazilian Portuguese accent has a more colorful, puerile flair than its coarser European counterpart.

The resulting yowl of drawn-out vowels reveals a flirty freedom of spirit that suggests a permanent vacation.

Sounds like: The near, then far, then near again hum of a low-wattage vacuum cleaner that runs on dance sweat

MORE: World's sexiest nationalities?

9. U.S. Southern

Famous tongues: Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Lawrence

There's nothing sexy about being in a hurry, and you could clock the growth rate of grass with the honeyed drawl of a Southern beau or belle.

Sounds like: Molasses taking a smoking break

8. Scottish Famous tongues: Ewan McGregor, Rose Leslie

Some of the vocal strangulations heard echoing around Glasgow are registered as a danger to shipping, but in less industrial corners of Scotland melodic voices capable of ranging a full octave in a single "aye" tumble like soft rain on warm bagpipes.

These are gentle, knee-melting tones that conjure cozy firesides and beguiling knitwear before their sudden swing to reproach leaves us whimpering for more.

Sounds like: A stroked tartan cat

Just lay off the leprechaun jokes and you\'ll be fine.
Just lay off the leprechaun jokes and you'll be fine.

7. Irish

Famous tongues: Colin Farrell, Andrea Corr

Valued slightly more in men than in women, the Irish brogue is a lilting, lyrical articulation that's charming, if not exotic.

Fluid and uplifting, it can swing from vulnerable to threatening over the course of a sentence, restoring your faith in the world again ... right before it stabs you with a broken bottle top.

Sounds like: A marauding pixie

6. Nigerian

Famous tongues: King Sunny Ade, Omotola Jalade Ekeinde

Dignified, with just a hint of willful naivete, the deep, rich "oh's" and "eh's" of Naija bend the English language without breaking it, arousing tremors in places other languages can't reach.

Sounds like: The THX intro with teeth

Keira Knightley knows how to speak down to us just the way we like being spoken down to.
Keira Knightley knows how to speak down to us just the way we like being spoken down to.

5. Queen's English

Famous tongues: Benedict Cumberbatch, Keira Knightley

Authoritative.

Upright.

Erudite.

Scholarly.

Few accents promise the upward nobility of the Queen's English.

It's a take on the language that sets hearts devoted to James Bond and Hermione Granger aflutter.

And, should the speaker fail to slake your most wanton desires, eh, at least you'll learn something.

Sounds like: A crisply ironed shirt playing a harp

4. Czech

Famous tongues: Petra Nemcova, Jaromir Jagr

Like Russian, without the nettlesome history of brutal, iron-fisted despotism, Czech is a smoky, full-bodied vocal style that goes well with most meats.

Murky and mysterious, the Bohemian tone is equal parts carnal desire and carnival roustabout.

Sounds like: Count Dracula, secret agent

MORE: World's coolest nationalities

3. Spanish

Famous tongues: Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz

Sensual and beckoning, but with the passion to unleash hell kept just barely restrained, Castilian is like a dialectic Hoover Dam.

But then there's the lisp.

Tender, vulnerable and cute as a baby's hangnail -- no one owns the "th" sound formed by tongue and teeth like those who speak the language of Cervantes.

Sounds Like: An outboard motor on Lake Paella

2. French

Famous tongues: Marion Cotillard, Jean Reno

The come-hither condescension and fiery disinterest of the French tongue remains paradoxically erotic.

Sounds like: A 30-year-old teenager

How you say ... \
How you say ... "tall, dark and handsome?"

1. Italian

Famous tongues: Monica Bellucci, Alessandro Del Piero

Raw, unfiltered, the Italian accent is a vowelgasm that reflects the spectrum of Italic experience: the fire of its bellicose beginnings ... the romance of the Renaissance ... the dysfunction of anything resembling a government since Caesar.

Insatiable, predatory and possessive, this is sex as a second language.

Sounds like: A Ferrari saxophone

Which is your favorite accent?

Leave a comment and vote in our Facebook poll.

First published August 2011, updated September 2014

Jordan Burchette is freelance writer and editor based in Los Angeles.

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