Apparently This Matters: Selling a haunted mirror

Bloody Mary! Bloody Mary! This "haunted" mirror sold on eBay for about $150. Because what could possibly go wrong?

Story highlights

  • "Apparently This Matters" is CNN Tech's weekly, offbeat look at stories trending on the Web
  • This week, Jarrett considers the eBay sale of a "haunted" mirror
  • Sellers said they were scratched, stabbed after pulling mirror from trash
  • So, of course, somebody paid good money to bring it into their own life

I'm fairly certain there's nothing haunting my house, save maybe the leftover Super Bowl cheese dip still in the fridge. But so far, its intentions seem friendly. You just have to ignore the constant paranoid screams from the tofu.

"It wants my soul!"

"Shut up, tofu."

It's not entirely uncommon for me to have these lively conversations with my food. I probably need a girlfriend. Or a hobby. Or years of therapy.

Fortunately, though, since the worst of my supernatural household concerns is confined to the lingering spirit of old Velveeta, I do sleep fairly well at night in the 2 square feet of bed space kindly allotted to me by my dog.

Quite simply, I respect the demon cheese. The demon cheese respects me. And my dog respects nobody.

Which is far better than what could have been said of two flatmates in London who recently sold an antique mirror on eBay because they were convinced it was haunted and willfully endangering their lives.

    "I'm going to murder both of you. Probably tonight."

    "But, Mirror, we saved you from the trash heap!"

    "Meh."

    According to their eBay listing, it all started when one of them saw that the building's landlord had put the old hallway mirror out on the lawn as rubbish. So, being resourceful, he retrieved it, added some silver paint and leaned it up against their wall above the radiator.

    "Apparently This Matters" Is Jarrett Bellini's weekly (and somewhat random) look at social-media trends.

    Soon after that, things supposedly got weird.

    "We both experienced what I can only describe as intense sharp stabbing pains," the sellers wrote to prospective buyers. "They would strike us both at the same time."

    The two flatmates also complained of waking up completely drained of energy, screaming in the early morning hours with horrible feelings of impending doom.

    Though, to be fair, that kind of sounds like my typical weekday. Only with fewer tears and significantly less self-doubt.

    Regardless, this is the point where one of them should have turned to the other and asked, "How about we just ... throw it away?"

    But, that would be too logical. And, besides, the sudden emergence of blood was sort of interesting and new.

    Yes. Blood.

    You see, in addition to growing increasingly sick and depressed from all the evil hauntings, one of the flatmates even claims to have woken up with deep body scratches, for which he blamed the mirror and kindly provided a link on eBay for photographic proof.

    It's also entirely possible that he just has a pet cat. Or, perhaps, an amazing lover. Or both. (But not like that.)

    Of course, any potential buyer would need to believe such humorous nonsense as haunting pains and bloody scratches in the night. They, presumably, would also require an itchy Paypal trigger finger.

    The kind that leads you to bid on a used toilet brush at 3 in the morning.

    Click. "Booya! Who's the wild man now?"

    With the mirror, it was all about finding that absolutely perfect buyer, and the sellers noted that they "would ideally like it to go to somebody who has experience with the paranormal/supernatural and knows what they are getting themselves in for."

    Amazingly, thanks to the powers of the interwebs, there was no shortage of interest. And for everyone's amusement, a few potential bidders began asking entirely reasonable questions of the sellers:

    "I'd like to buy this as a present. If I win the auction is there any way you could deliver it to my ex for me?"

    Eventually, the mirror sold for £100, or a little over $150. So, good on them. Well-played.

    As a result, I plan to list everything I sell in the future as potentially haunted.

    "But this isn't just any Bell Biv DeVoe CD. It's a *haunted* Bell Biv DeVoe CD."

    In the end, it doesn't really matter whether the mirror was evil or if their stories were even mildly believable. What matters is that somebody paid for the simple possibility. And I love that. It's important to have a few good conversation pieces sitting around the house, and nothing sounds better than explaining how you bought a haunted mirror off two random guys on eBay.

    The story counts.

    Which is why, if anyone's interested, I now have some leftover Super Bowl cheese dip for sale.

    It comes with a free Bell Biv DeVoe CD.

        Apparently This Matters...

      • I vaguely recall Pizza Hut's Book It elementary school reading incentive program. Though, to be fair, I vaguely remember what I had for breakfast.
      • It took a lot of effort for Leo Bonten to turn his amputated leg into a fully functional lamp. For starters, he had to break the damn thing in a freak kiddie pool accident.
      • If you asked me -- and God knows nobody has -- I would have to guess that never in the history of humankind has anyone ever actually slipped on a banana peel.
      • Since the beginning of time, man has looked up into the cosmos at those shiny, twinkling stars and thought, "I wonder if lizards would do each other up there?"
      • A hybrid of zebra and a donkey stands at the Taigan zoo park outside Simferopol on August 5, 2014. A Crimean zoo has welcomed into its collection a "zebroid" or "zonkey" after a zebra gave birth following befriending a donkey. Named Telegraph by the keepers at the Taigan zoo park, his head and body resemble that of a donkey and are a solid beige colour, with his legs marked by black zebra stripes. Born last week, "Telegraph is very popular with visitors" who can watch him romping around with his mother, said director Oleg Zubkov. Crosses between zebras and other members of the equine family are not unheard of, although it is more unusual that the zebra is the mother. However allowing such breeding to occur is frowned upon in the zoo community. YURI LASHOV/AFP/Getty Images

        Despite all the political tension in Crimea, it's nice to know things are still safe enough at the zoo for a zebra to get it on with a donkey.
      • There's a famous scene in the movie "Titanic" where Rose turns to Jack and says, "I want you to draw me like one of your French girls."
      • For several months in 2003, I did the whole European backpacker thing. Which is to say I've seen nearly every cathedral within 1,000 square miles of the Danube.
      • The other day I saw a death metal band hanging out by their tour van in the parking lot behind a club. They were all dressed in black, and may or may not have been working on lyrics to a new song about fire and lamb meat.
      • There are two good reasons to own a giant trampoline.
      • I never actually caught a glimpse of the Tooth Fairy when I was young, but she was definitely real and in cahoots with my mom. This, due to the fact that I never woke up to find a Nintendo.