Skip to main content

We care that Aniston's getting married. Why?

By Pepper Schwartz, Special to CNN
updated 3:27 PM EDT, Tue August 14, 2012
Jennifer Aniston hasn't always been lucky in love, but she may have finally found her prince in<a href='http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/12/showbiz/aniston-engaged/index.html?hpt=en_c1' target='_blank'> fiancé</a> Justin Theroux. Here's a look back at some of Jen's men: Jennifer Aniston hasn't always been lucky in love, but she may have finally found her prince in fiancé Justin Theroux. Here's a look back at some of Jen's men:
HIDE CAPTION
Justin Theroux
John Mayer
Vince Vaughn
Paul Sculfor
Brad Pitt
Tate Donovan
Adam Duritz
Charlie Schlatter
<<
<
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
>
>>
STORY HIGHLIGHTS
  • Pepper Schwartz: Many are interested that Jennifer Aniston is engaged. Why?
  • She says after years of tabloid scrutiny of her marital travail, many women relate to her
  • She says that Aniston is finding love lets other scorned women feel they can find it, too
  • Schwartz: We follow her story, delight in her triumph because it gives hope for our own

Editor's note: Pepper Schwartz, a sociologist at the University of Washington, is the author of "Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years" and 15 other books on sexuality and relationships. She writes the Naked Truth column for the AARP and is a senior fellow at the Council on Contemporary Families, a nonprofit organization that gathers research on American families.

(CNN) -- Jennifer Aniston is getting married and this seems to be a matter of intense interest to women around the world. Why do we care?

To begin, there is the incredible proliferation of mass media, the huge amount of coverage on celebrities and the self-exposure stars are willing to endure -- even prefer -- these days. "Stars" have changed from glamorous, unfathomables, to "friends" we follow on Twitter, in intimate, unguarded photos in entertainment magazines (which we don't even have to buy; the headlines and pictures capture us in our doctors' offices and at the check out counter). We turn on the TV talk shows and learn more than we should as heartbroken or apologetic celebrity guests share details of their romantic misadventures.

Pepper Schwartz
Pepper Schwartz

Women like Jennifer Aniston become girlfriends, or friends of friends, who we listen to, judge, identify with and commiserate with. The wall separating us from stardom has been replaced by a penetrable surface, with celebrities just one tweet or book group away. She is no longer Jennifer Aniston, the star; she is Jennifer, a friend once removed and we talk about her among friends as if she were one of us.

News: Jennifer Aniston engaged to actor Justin Theroux

She is not, though, so why do we feel so strongly about what happens to a movie star who has no apparent connection to our lives? Two reasons. First, we know enough about her travail to identity with her and project ourselves into her situation. Here is a woman, who, like many of us, has wanted someone very badly, made mutual vows of fidelity and loyalty, and had that person leave for another lover -- in this case, an exceptionally talented and gorgeous woman, who now lays claim to everything she (or we) ever wanted. There are few women who haven't lost someone they loved -- and they immediately take up her cause, and her feelings, as their own.

Secondly, we follow her life because in a strange way, it comforts us. If a man could be unfaithful to such a lovely, successful and nice woman, we can know that perhaps we weren't left because we weren't pretty enough or sexy enough or witty enough, but because some men just fall in love with someone else.

Jennifer Aniston is engaged
Jennifer Aniston, hottest of all time?

We can see that regardless of why our own mate left, there was nothing about it that should wipe out our self-esteem and there wasn't necessarily anything we could have done that would have saved our relationship. Peering into various celebrity real melodramas rather perversely cheers us up!

In 2008, millions of women were riveted to the divorce trial of Christie Brinkley, whose husband, Peter Cook, betrayed her with a teenage employee. Well, we thought, if a man could do that to Christie Brinkley, of course we shouldn't feel that a husband or boyfriend left us for not being pretty enough or sexy enough. Look what happened to one of the most gloriously gorgeous women on Earth!

Jennifer Aniston's men

Then there is an additional twist in Aniston's story that reassures us. Her failed marriage says to us that someone even more glorious than ourselves can be left, but her engagement tells us that there can be a Cinderella story at the end of the road: a mate who truly loves us, who wants to create a family, who will deliver security and unconditional love at last. Sure, it may last as long as the next headline, but we deeply hope love stays the course for her, because we want to believe that our own dreams will result in triumph over disappointment.

This is why we care in a seemingly unreasonable way about what happens to Jennifer Aniston.

Nice girls might not finish last. Justice might prevail. Sure, we care about Jennifer, but we follow her life, and the life of other celebrities, mostly because they are now in our "friendship circle," however illusory this perception is.

Aniston's "fairy tale ending" is a stand-in for the fairly tale ending we want for ourselves.

Follow us on Twitter @CNNOpinion.

Join us on Facebook/CNNOpinion.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Pepper Schwartz.

ADVERTISEMENT
Part of complete coverage on
updated 4:08 PM EST, Sat December 13, 2014
The NFL's new Player Conduct Policy was a missed chance to get serious about domestic violence, says Mel Robbins.
updated 12:40 PM EST, Tue December 16, 2014
The slaughter of more than 130 children by the Pakistani Taliban may prove as pivotal to Pakistan's security policy as the 9/11 attacks were for the U.S., says Peter Bergen.
updated 11:00 AM EST, Wed December 17, 2014
The Internet is an online extension of our own neighborhoods. It's time for us to take their protection just as seriously, says Arun Vishwanath.
updated 4:54 PM EST, Tue December 16, 2014
Gayle Lemmon says we must speak out for the right of children to education -- and peace
updated 5:23 AM EST, Wed December 17, 2014
Russia's economic woes just seem to be getting worse. How will President Vladimir Putin respond? Frida Ghitis gives her take.
updated 1:39 AM EST, Wed December 17, 2014
Australia has generally seen itself as detached from the threat of terrorism. The hostage incident this week may change that, writes Max Barry.
updated 3:20 PM EST, Fri December 12, 2014
Thomas Maier says the trove of letters the Kennedy family has tried to guard from public view gives insight into the Kennedy legacy and the history of era.
updated 9:56 AM EST, Mon December 15, 2014
Will Congress reform the CIA? It's probably best not to expect much from Washington. This is not the 1970s, and the chances for substantive reform are not good.
updated 4:01 PM EST, Mon December 15, 2014
From superstorms to droughts, not a week goes by without a major disruption somewhere in the U.S. But with the right planning, natural disasters don't have to be devastating.
updated 9:53 AM EST, Mon December 15, 2014
Would you rather be sexy or smart? Carol Costello says she hates this dumb question.
updated 5:53 PM EST, Sun December 14, 2014
A story about Pope Francis allegedly saying animals can go to heaven went viral late last week. The problem is that it wasn't true. Heidi Schlumpf looks at the discussion.
updated 10:50 AM EST, Sun December 14, 2014
Democratic leaders should wake up to the reality that the party's path to electoral power runs through the streets, where part of the party's base has been marching for months, says Errol Louis
updated 4:23 PM EST, Sat December 13, 2014
David Gergen: John Brennan deserves a national salute for his efforts to put the report about the CIA in perspective
updated 9:26 AM EST, Fri December 12, 2014
Anwar Sanders says that in some ways, cops and protesters are on the same side
updated 9:39 AM EST, Thu December 11, 2014
A view by Samir Naji, a Yemeni who was accused of serving in Osama bin Laden's security detail and imprisoned for nearly 13 years without charge in Guantanamo Bay
updated 12:38 PM EST, Sun December 14, 2014
S.E. Cupp asks: How much reality do you really want in your escapist TV fare?
updated 1:28 PM EST, Thu December 11, 2014
Rip Rapson says the city's 'Grand Bargain' saved pensions and a world class art collection by pulling varied stakeholders together, setting civic priorities and thinking outside the box
updated 6:10 PM EST, Sat December 13, 2014
Glenn Schwartz says the airing of the company's embarrassing emails might wake us up to the usefulness of talking in-person instead of electronically
updated 5:33 PM EST, Fri December 12, 2014
The computer glitch that disrupted air traffic over the U.K. on Friday was a nuisance, but not dangerous, says Les Abend
updated 12:40 PM EST, Fri December 12, 2014
Newt Gingrich says the CBO didn't provide an accurate picture of Obamacare's impact, so why rehire its boss?
updated 7:40 PM EST, Fri December 12, 2014
Russian aggression has made it clear Ukraine must rethink its security plans, says Olexander Motsyk, Ukrainian ambassador to the U.S.
updated 7:46 PM EST, Thu December 11, 2014
The Senate committee report on torture has highlighted partisan divisions on CIA methods, says Will Marshall. Republicans and Democrats are to blame.
updated 1:33 PM EST, Thu December 11, 2014
It would be dishonest to say that 2014 has been a good year for women. But that hasn't stopped some standing out, says Frida Ghitis.
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT