Editor's note: James Carville is a Democratic strategist who serves as a political contributor for CNN, appearing frequently on "The Situation Room" as well as other programs on all CNN networks.
(CNN) -- Memo to the Republican Establishment, Part II.
First of all, let me apologize for not getting back to you sooner. I realize it's been 15 days since I've penned (as the Mittster would say) my last memo to you. But you know, with the Super Bowl I have gotten behind and wanted to catch up with you before the Mardi Gras season gets in full swing. Good manners dictate that I convey my most heartfelt congratulations to you for what you did to old Newt in your aggressive ad campaign. I mean, you guys really did him in. As we say in Louisiana, you made minced meat out of that boy.
You rounded up a bunch of Wall Street money and turned it over to the Willie Horton ad guy to destroy one of your own. You boys really crack me up (and I say boys because no females have openly expressed their membership -- as soon as someone steps forward I will be sure to address you appropriately). I don't think we Democrats could come up with something quite so clever. You have accomplished quite a feat.
The problem that you have now is not Newt. It may take a few months, but you will get him under control. Your in-house network -- the boys over at Fox (I'm sorry, Greta, I meant the people over at Fox) -- thought they had wired Newt up to go positive, but they found out it is difficult to control a Tulane man. Don't worry, he just got sucker punched. Soon enough he and all of his "baggage" will be sent packing. Newt is fighting now, but he will come around as I am sure the Koch brothers are in need of a good historian. Get my drift? Newt's post-primary employment is the kind of thing that needs to be discussed in quiet rooms.
You know how it goes, you squish one gnat and you gotta deal with another. Your latest nuisance comes in the form of an anti-contraception activist and 18-point loser, Rick Santorum. I'm not here to tell you how to do your job, but you ought to get your hands on a copy of Ricky boy's book. He's really hung up on birth control pills, huh? Not to mention, he seems to be pretty down on women having jobs outside of the home. That didn't play out too well in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. I highly doubt that he will do well in Pontiac or Phoenix. Also, you should look into that little cyberschooling arrangement he pulled off. But I've said enough. I know you don't need my help in disposing of this loser.
The problem you have now is the same problem you've had all along. It's the Mittster -- and it's a big problem. He can't seem to go 72 hours without blowing himself up again. The commentariat will not stop talking about the Mittster's comment on poor people and how it may drive away independents.
Come on fellas, we all know what will happen here: Those old Democrats will take that remark and use it the last week of the campaign to drive up "urban turnout." Here's to hoping poor people don't vote. Come to think of it, thanks to the Republican-created financial crisis, there are a lot more poor people in rural and suburban America causing problems for you. In fact, you boys created a slew of poor people, didn't you? But we will get back to that in late October.
Frankly, y'all are going to have a dickens of a time figuring out how to deal with the Hispanic vote. Karl Rove, you and 43 worked hard to be inclusive on immigration reform, and now the Mittster has the most idiotic and extreme position on it. My sources tell me that even Governor Jeb is ticked at the Mittster.
Because, after all, you know those dirty old Democrats will take your position and use it against you. I guess that's just what modern politics has become, people running against a stated position. Remember the good ole Willie Horton days when politics was clean and fun? However, you shouldn't worry yourselves too much about the Mittster's current immigration imbecility. Clearly, it can't be hard to get him to change his mind.
But be forewarned, I will probably go on CNN and run my mouth, talking about the 782nd time Willard has changed his position. (781, 782, who's counting after 363?) Just call me a washed-up old partisan Democrat and forget about trying to defend him. You can't.
So guys, this is where you are. You are going to nominate a politically detached candidate who speaks French, has Swiss bank accounts, lives in Massachusetts, went to Harvard, whose daddy was born in Mexico. Way to go! I'll check back with you boys after Mardi Gras. In the meantime, laissez les bons temps rouler! (It's French. Ask the Mittster to translate.)
Btw: (That's how young people do P.S. -- thought I would give you a heads-up) Was I the only person who noticed your turnout collapsed in Florida, Nevada, Colorado, Minnesota, Missouri and everywhere else? You better get Dick Armey to raise a bunch of polluter money and stoke up those tea partiers.
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The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of James Carville.