Skip to main content
ASK AN EXPERT
Got a question about a health story in the news or a health topic? Here's your chance to get an answer. Send us your questions about general health topics, diet and fitness and mental health. If your question is chosen, it could be featured on CNN.com's health page with an answer from one of our health experts, or by a participant in the CNNhealth community.




* CNN encourages you to contribute a question. By submitting a question, you agree to the following terms found below.
You may not post any unlawful, threatening, libelous, defamatory, obscene, pornographic or other material that would violate the law. By submitting your question, you hereby give CNN the right, but not the obligation, to post, air, edit, exhibit, telecast, cablecast, webcast, re-use, publish, reproduce, use, license, print, distribute or otherwise use your questions(s) and accompanying personal identifying and other information you provide via all forms of media now known or hereafter devised, worldwide, in perpetuity. CNN Privacy Statment.
Thank you for your question!

It will be reviewed and considered for posting on CNNHealth.com. Questions and comments are moderated by CNN and will not appear until after they have been reviewed and approved. Unfortunately, because of the voume of questions we receive, not all can be posted.

Submit another question or Go back to CNNHealth.com

Read answers from our experts: Living Well | Diet & Fitness | Mental Health | Conditions

Expert Q&A

Is my husband going through a midlife crisis?

Asked by T.R., United States

Open quote
Close quote

How do I know if my husband is going through a midlife crisis? How do I know if there is depression as a result of this? How can I get him to stop thinking the marriage is over and that he is worthless?

Expert Bio Picture

Mental Health Expert Dr. Charles Raison Psychiatrist,
Emory University Medical School

Expert answer

Dear T.R.,

The concept of "midlife crisis" has been a staple of popular culture for years, and yet the best recent research seems to suggest that it might not exist. This doesn't mean that people -- your husband most likely included -- don't go through rough times in the middle years of their lives; it only means that there does not appear to be a classic condition unique to middle age, nor does arriving in middle age strongly predict the development of a "crisis."

On the other hand, depression is a well-recognized and dangerous disease condition that affects up to a quarter of the U.S. population at one time or another in their lives. Men appear to become more vulnerable to depression as they age. You can tell if your husband has depression if he has the symptoms of depression, which include:

• Feeling down, sad, or blue most of the day

• Losing interest in things he used to enjoy

• Sleeping too much or too little

• Eating too much or too little

• Suffering emotions ranging from low self-esteem to illogical guilt

• Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness

• Difficulties thinking or concentrating

• Fatigue or lack of energy

• Thoughts or plans of suicide

If your husband is demonstrating these symptoms, and if they are interfering with his ability to function, then he has major depression. But this doesn't address the question of why he has these symptoms, and this goes back to your question about a midlife crisis.

There is no way I can tell from your very brief question the degree to which circumstances in your husband's life are driving his emotions, and this is an important point. At one extreme, your husband may have one of the rare depressions that seem to come out of nowhere, meaning that his depression is out of all proportion to the circumstances in his life. This scenario becomes more common the more often a person has been depressed in the past. Said differently, each episode of major depression seems to sensitize the body and brain so that a person becomes depressed over smaller and smaller things with the passage of time.

On the other hand, your husband's depression might be a reaction to stressors and circumstances that would make almost anyone upset. Has he lost a job recently, or suffered a real blow to his self-esteem or health? Has he lost people close to him? All these factors can powerfully drive depression.

Your comment about him thinking the marriage is over and feeling worthless strikes me as especially suggestive. If the marriage is sound, and a source of comfort to both of you, his feelings are classic symptoms of depression. But sometimes people feel this way (i.e. marriage over and worthless) when they have done something they are ashamed of, but can't confess. Not knowing your situation, I have no idea which scenario more closely approaches the truth.

Although I can't give specific advice in this column, people struggling with depression are almost always best helped by seeing a trained clinician. In addition, from your question it does not seem to me that you have a clear sense of why your husband is feeling the way he is -- assuming that there is a "why" for his emotions. Often it can be very healing -- although also painful and not without risks -- to find a way to help him actually talk about what is going on. Coming clean, if there is something he needs to tell you that he hasn't, can be a remarkable healer.

Ask our expert doctors a question

More Q&A

  • CNN's Medical UnitCNN's medical unit brings you the best experts available to answer your questions about current events and health issues that matter most to you.
Expert: Did 'Kony' director have 'manic episode?'asked by: By Dr. Charles Raison, Special to CNN; (CNN)
Do homeopathic treatments for ADHD work?asked by: Asked by Suzie;
Are mood swings a sign of depression?asked by: Asked by Jeffery T. Johnson; San Diego, California

CNN Comment Policy: CNN encourages you to add a comment to this discussion. You may not post any unlawful, threatening, defamatory, obscene, pornographic or other material that would violate the law. All comments should be relevant to the topic and remain respectful of other authors and commenters. You are solely responsible for your own comments, the consequences of posting those comments, and the consequences of any reliance by you on the comments of others. By submitting your comment, you hereby give CNN the right, but not the obligation, to post, air, edit, exhibit, telecast, cablecast, webcast, re-use, publish, reproduce, use, license, print, distribute or otherwise use your comment(s) and accompanying personal identifying and other information you provide via all forms of media now known or hereafter devised, worldwide, in perpetuity. CNN Privacy Statement.

The information contained on this page does not and is not intended to convey medical advice. CNN is not responsible for any actions or inaction on your part based on the information that is presented here. Please consult a physician or medical professional for personal medical advice or treatment.