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Should woman be jealous of boyfriend's roommate?

By Wendy Atterberry, The Frisky
Woman is jealous about how much her boyfriend talks about his female roommate.
Woman is jealous about how much her boyfriend talks about his female roommate.
STORY HIGHLIGHTS
  • Woman complains boyfriend talks too much about his female roommate
  • Columnist: He's being disrespectful and woman should have frank talk with him
  • Warns woman that she should listen to her gut about situation

(The Frisky) -- Dear Wendy: My boyfriend moved to a new town last year for a job, and two weeks ago I moved to the town as well to be with him.

The problem I'm battling is my jealousy. He's become quite good friends with his girl flatmate (he also shares the house with another male flatmate).

Since I've moved into town, I've noticed he likes to mention her a lot, i.e. "Blah blah likes this song and blah blah does this." While I know this is normal when you get a new friend, I have been struggling to contain my jealousy over the fact he seems to care so much about this other girl.

Today he said he wanted to take her to the movies because there was a film she hasn't seen yet and while I was invited along, I could not help but think that I can't remember the last time he said he'd take me to the movies because I haven't seen a "must see" film yet.

How do I stop being so jealous of this fact? I know if it was his male flatmate he invited I would not have a problem with it at all. Maybe it's worth noting that in my last relationship the guy left me for a girl he went to the movies with alone. --- Green-Eyed Monster

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Dear Green-Eyed Monster:

Jealousy isn't always a terrible thing. And it isn't always unwarranted either. Sometimes it's a wonderful tool alerting us when something is "off," like when your boyfriend is ga-ga over his female roommate.

You know why you wouldn't have such a problem with your boyfriend inviting his male roomie to movies all the time? Because he's not sexually attracted to men (I'm assuming), so there's no reason to feel threatened.

But a female roommate? That's a different beast altogether ... particularly if she's straight and pretty, and definitely if he can't stop talking about her.

Look, I hate jealousy and drama as much as the next person. If it seems unwarranted, I'd be the first person to call you on it and tell you to grow up.

But at the very least, your boyfriend is being incredibly disrespectful to you by going on and on about his female roommate and inviting her to movies instead of inviting you. You're the girlfriend! He should be putting you at ease with his new female roommate and smoothing the transition to your new town.

You just moved two weeks ago to be with him, right? So why isn't he eager to show you around and spend time with you and take you to the movies? Just a thought here: Is there any chance he thinks you and his female roomie could hit it off as friends and he's talking her up to get you interested in pursuing a friendship? If you're new to town, maybe he's hoping she can be a new girlfriend to you.

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Even if your boyfriend's intentions aren't clearly selfless, I don't necessarily think anything un-tawdry is going on between him and his roommate (yet), but definitely a friendship is building, and with them living together, I'd keep an eye on that friendship, for sure.

I'd also sit down and have a frank conversation with your boyfriend and tell him that it makes you uncomfortable that he's getting so close to this other woman he lives with. Women get so nervous about being perceived as the "crazy, jealous girlfriend," we often overlook our gut instincts when things are off.

Pay attention to your gut. If it's telling you something isn't right, listen.

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