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How big girls can look sexy

By Wendy Atterberry, The Frisky
Actress Queen Latifah arrives at the 82nd Annual Academy Awards in March.
Actress Queen Latifah arrives at the 82nd Annual Academy Awards in March.
  • Reader asks columnist how big women can be sexy and attractive
  • Writers says lots of men and women like curvy partners
  • But she also says that confidence is super hot -- so focus on the positive
  • Also -- work to make fashion your friend: Find your style, your colors and a good fit

(The Frisky) -- Dear Wendy: A few days ago I was walking past a girl and she just seemed so incredibly sexy and beautiful and I'm actually WAYYY smaller than her, but just, something about her seemed so attractive! This has happened to me a few times.

I'm not incredibly fat, but I've got a belly and arms, and even though these girls were actually fat-fat, they just seemed so much more hotter than me and guys were actually hitting on them and stuff. How the heck did they manage that?
--- Unfabulous

Dear Unfabulous: Well, first of all, there are plenty of people -- men and women -- who are attracted to a little extra meat on the bones. Big can certainly be beautiful and the women you've seen walking down the street owning their curves know it!

Not only that, but I'm willing to bet they were oozing something that comes in all sizes: confidence. Confidence is super hot and sexy and if you've got, it doesn't matter how big your hips are, you're going to attract positive attention.

So, how do you get confidence? For starters, quit focusing on what you don't like about your body (in your case, your belly and your arms) and start focusing on what you do like and wear clothes that draw attention to those areas. Like you, I'm not crazy about my belly (or hips or thighs, for that matter), but I like my arms and shoulders and décolletage area, so I wear a lot of lower-cut, sleeveless tops that show off those features.

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Fashion is your friend! It can camouflage a multitude of "sins" and showcase a host of "wins." Pay attention to color. Color attracts attention, but you want the color you're wearing to flatter your complexion.

Do you have a friend or two who dress well and always look put-together? Bring them shopping with you and have them honestly assess different outfits you try on. If you're lacking confidence, that second or third opinion in your dressing room is going to save your ass and ensure you walk out with something that makes you look and feel good.

And don't be afraid to get things tailored! Not everything is going to fit perfectly right off the rack. In fact, most things won't fit perfectly right off the rack, regardless of your size. You want to make sure you fit the largest part of your body first and then take things in or up at the smaller parts. A well-tailored garment is like a magic wand when it comes to making a body look good.

I've also learned that I feel a lot hotter and more confident when I'm taking care of myself: getting enough sleep, eating healthfully, drinking lots of water, and exercising regularly. A jog -- heck, even a brisk walk -- is a wonderful way to release those feel-good endorphins that naturally boost confidence.

Another great way to release those endorphins is to take a dance or fun fitness class and remind yourself how empowering it is to see what your body is actually capable of doing. Ironically, putting the focus on what your body can do rather than what it looks like is a quick way to yield positive results when you look in the mirror. It sounds corny, but a belly class or even a pole dancing class can yield an inner sex goddess you didn't even know was there.

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Finally, another secret of people who have mass sex appeal, regardless of their size: they make other people feel special. They make time for friends, laugh at jokes, and show genuine interest in others. I'd bet money those lovely plus-sized women you see strutting their stuff down the street are making eye contact and smiling at passers-by. A friendly, open smile goes so, so much further than a skinny waist.

So, take care of yourself, dress to flatter your body, get some sun on your cheeks, spend time with people who make you feel good, walk with your shoulders back, and smile, and I guarantee you'll be getting the kind of attention you crave, whether you're a size 2 or size 22.

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