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Ladies, don't be an Eeyore in your relationship

By Audrey Irvine, CNN
Audrey Irvine is trying to enjoy the present and not worry so much about the future.
Audrey Irvine is trying to enjoy the present and not worry so much about the future.
  • Audrey Irvine fears that women block their blessings with negative thinking
  • Columnist: Women trained to look and prepare for possible disasters
  • They examine the men they're dating for faults, bad behaviors
  • She says that is why she, like so many other women, can't just enjoy the present
  • Dating

Editor's note: Audrey Irvine is a senior assignment manager for CNN. Her experiences in the dating world inspire her "Relationship Rant" column. Check back every week for her take on dating and relationships.

Atlanta, Georgia (CNN) -- When single women gather they tend to complain ad nauseam about the lack of available good men.

After a few more glasses of wine, the conversation inevitably begins with phrases like "if I had a man, I would do this" and "good men can't appreciate strong independent women."

Then at the end of the night after everyone has parted ways, we realize the same thing -- that each of us is alone. That is until one of the women in the pack does luck out and meet that mysterious available man who actually is interested in a committed relationship.

So, all is well right? Actually, no. It's just started getting crazy because -- guess what -- it's still not enough. Why? Because as women, we too often take on the persona of Eeyore from the "Winnie the Pooh" books when we get into a relationship.

How many of you remember Eeyore? It could be the most beautiful day and the little donkey would find the single cloud in the sky. Winnie could be happy with his tub of honey, laughing while Tigger is dancing his little striped butt off while Eeyore would slowly walk by as if the weight of the world is on his shoulders.

This is what some women do. They will not choose to find the silver lining in a situation but instead dig -- a la CSI -- for evidence, that one nugget of negativity that would surely doom this new partnership.

Why do women, when relationships start getting good, tend to look at them with such a negative outlook?

My mother used to always say, "Don't block your blessings." I always took this to mean that I needed to be open to blessings in order to receive them. So, that's what I've done and it's actually worked for me.

I imagined and predicted that I would work at the television company I grew up watching. I got to do that three times in my career. I decided that I deserved an intelligent, sensitive, loving and strong man who would love me for me -- faults, warts and all.

That blessing also has happened and guess what happened? With every happy milestone, there was Eeyore questioning why it happened. For every smile the man put on my face, there was Eeyore saying, "Hang on, he'll surely make you cry soon."

Yet in my mind this wasn't me blocking my blessing, until one day that amazing guy -- guess what he did? No, he didn't leave, because that's what Eeyore would expect. Instead, he called me on my hypocrisy. He pointed out all that I claimed I wanted was a lie because the minute I got a taste of it, I dissected, questioned and doubted it existed.

I was doing what my mother urged me not to do. I was blocking that blessing.

So, why do women tend to ruin the one thing they claim to want the most? Is it unresolved issues from past loves, insecurity, a self-loathing feeling that they don't deserve happiness?

Actually, it's a lot simpler than that. Women have been conditioned to believe that in order to succeed in this world we always have to be a step ahead of all potential problems. We need to always be ready for when the bottom falls out. We need to prepare that safety net so we cannot be caught off guard.

As a result, women are so busy analyzing what could happen in the near future that they are destroying any possibility of nurturing the present.

The mind set is not just limited to our love lives.

I recently bought a house and had some rose bushes put in the front yard. Every day I diligently water those flowers, thinking about how beautiful they will be when they are bigger, fuller and look just like the picture that came with them.

There's nothing wrong with focusing on the future. But I realized my obsession with how they were going to look in the years ahead made me not appreciate the small steps toward beauty they were already taking. I wanted to concentrate on when the roses would be at maximum beauty.

So now when I water the roses and prune their dead leaves, I say to them "you are beautiful just the way you are, and I realize that with time, you will grow to be all I dreamed of and more."

Some days, though, in the midst of that positivity, I see Eeyore lurking in the corner of my mind, daring those roses to look better.