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Words of wisdom on love, booze, clothes

By Wendy Atterberry, The Frisky
No one else notices those five extra pounds, columnist says.
No one else notices those five extra pounds, columnist says.
STORY HIGHLIGHTS
  • Columnist's advice: If you haven't worn it in over a year, get rid of it
  • If a man calls his ex a "psycho," that's a red flag
  • Spend at least four seasons with someone before you start talking marriage
  • Two gin and tonics are nice, but three is downright evil
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(The Frisky) -- Am I older than you? Hard to say. But let's assume the answer is: Probably.

Now that I have been alive these many years, I have some words of wisdom to share. Helpful? Who knows. Note what fits and discard the rest.

In the end, life's a bit of a crap shoot. Or maybe it's like a box of chocolates. Today, it's a listicle.

1. The best (straight) relationships happen when a man is just a wee bit more enamored with/attracted to the woman.

2. If you expect your friends to never make mistakes or let you down, you'll spend your life friendless.

3. If your relationship is perfect "except for this one little thing," it's actually not perfect.

4. If that "one little thing" is something you can live with, let it go.

5. No one else notices those five extra pounds.

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6. Money spent on experiences is more valuable than money spent on stuff.

7. If you haven't worn it in over a year, get rid of it.

8. If it doesn't fit you in the dressing room, it's not going to fit you any better at home (no matter how much you're planning to lose weight).

9. If it's marked down and fits like it was tailored for you, buy two!

10. A great bra can shave off ten pounds and ten years.

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11. A free haircut with a beauty school student is rarely worth the price you'll pay.

12. Bread before booze.

13. If a man calls his ex a "psycho," that's a red flag.

14. If you're meeting after 10 p.m., it's not a date.

15. Bad childhoods are not a life sentence.

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16. If you have a chance to travel, go! See as much of the world as you possibly can.

17. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

18. The only thing that isn't survivable is death.

19. If you think s/he's cheating, s/he probably is.

20. Spend at least four seasons with someone before you start talking marriage.

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21. Pack one-third less than you think you'll wear.

22. Two gin and tonics are nice, but three is downright evil.

23. If you spend your life chasing that first high, you're going to get burnt out really fast.

24. Before you send a controversial e-mail, save it in your draft folder for at least 24 hours first.

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