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Reasons he's NOT the one

  • Story Highlights
  • Columnist: Many women have been infatuated with guy who was completely wrong
  • She says loneliness, fear of dying alone and desperation can cloud judgment
  • Sign: You don't introduce him to friends or they look alarmed when you do
  • You tune out when he's talking and daydream about his body
By Judy McGuire
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(The Frisky) -- Okay, first of all, let me make it clear that I don't believe in the concept of "the one." I think each of us has more like "top 40" or even "winning 100," depending on how much ground you cover.

Should you love him or not? Columnist offers some clues.

Should you love him or not? Columnist offers some clues.

But even in a world brimming with possibilities, at some point in our lives most of us have found ourselves infatuated with a guy who was just completely wrong for us.

Not that he was necessarily a bad guy -- he was just a dude we should've relegated to fling territory instead of fooling ourselves into thinking had long-term potential.

Here are a few factors that may give you a case of the stupids. . . .

1. Timing

As the cliché goes, timing is everything, which is why it's important to keep it in mind when you meet someone new after coming off a long dry spell or a truly horrendous relationship. Loneliness, fear of dying alone, and yes, desperation, can cloud a lady's judgment more effectively than a six-pack and a blindfold.

Take it from someone who wasted almost a year of her life trying to turn a nearly homeless alcoholic into boyfriend material. Sigh.

Clues: Your friends look vaguely alarmed and/or repulsed when you introduce them to your new man. Another is when you're too embarrassed to even introduce him in the first place. (Hey, you might be desperate, but you're not stupid.) The Frisky: Are you stuck on your first love?

2. The hotness factor

Obviously, being attracted to the guy you're dating is very important, but if a killer butt and a winning smile are all he has going for him, enjoy it while you've got it; just don't try to turn it into love. It's lust and there isn't anything wrong with that. The Frisky: Weird pregnancy cravings of the stars

Clues: If you frequently find yourself tuning out when he's prattling on about who knows what, and instead daydreaming about how foxy he looked wearing nothing but your roommate's towel this morning.

Ditto if, after a week or two of dating, you've forgotten everything he's ever told you, except that he has an identical twin brother who'll be visiting in two weeks, four days and six-and-a-half hours.

3. Availability

It's a sad truism that we all want what we can't have, but some of us take it to a whole other level -- constantly torturing ourselves over the otherwise engaged or the utterly uninterested. I've even known chicks that regularly fall for gay dudes, knowing full well it's never going to happen. If you're that into a challenge you're either scared of getting into an actual relationship or you're one psycho broad. Either way, you lose.

Clues: Your girlfriends no longer introduce you to their boyfriends. Your gay friends get nervous around you, if they bother coming around at all. Even your shrink openly rolls her eyes when you talk about your love life. Snap out of it, woman!

4. Booty blinders

When women are sexually satisfied our bodies are flooded with a bonding hormone called Oxytocin. This means, the better a guy is in the sack, the more likely we are to think him awesome outside of the bedroom. Even when he's not.

As you might imagine, this can lead to confusion. "B-b-b-but we have such amazing chemistry -- doesn't that make us soulmates?" In a word: NO. Not necessarily anyway. But that doesn't mean you can't be bedmates for a while. The Frisky: Celebrities who've packed on pounds for roles

Clues: Your only conversations take place while both of you are naked and generally involve directions ("Over here!" "No, there!") or indecipherable grunts and moans. Interactions outside the bedroom tend to be light on words, heavy on petting. The Frisky: Should you tell him your number of sexual partners?

Like I said, none of these scenarios are necessarily negatives. In fact, some of them can be quite fun. It's all about keeping things in perspective.

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