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Keep 'crazy' at bay while dating online

  • Story Highlights
  • Women can get crazy while using online dating sites, writer says
  • Despite commercials and hopes, not every prospect is as good as advertised
  • Keep your expectations in check-- he winked, he didn't propose marriage
  • Don't get obsessive about the men you're communicating with
By Judy McGuire
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(The Frisky) -- Though one or two exes might dispute this, I've never been one of those crazy girls. Under normal circumstances I don't snoop, don't obsess (too much), and am generally fairly sane(ish) in my dealings with the opposite sex.

Keep 'crazy' at bay while dating online

However, while I met my current, long-term boyfriend on, at no time in my life did I ever feel as nutso as when I was online dating on a regular basis.

Now that my profile has been deleted and I have the wisdom that unfortunately comes far too late to be helpful to me, but might possibly save you some heartache...

Don't get sucked in by what you see and read

On paper he's got a Ph.D., lives in a loft in the coolest part of town, yet still finds time to spend three weeks a year building schools for Guatemalan orphans. Even if he is telling the truth (which is a big if as lying is the second most popular Internet activity), there's still a lot you don't know. And some of that might be ugly.

New-York based writer Twanna Hines is an old hand at online boy-browsing. She sensibly advises, "I go into it thinking, 'This is how this person is presenting themselves online. That may or may not match up with the person I meet.'" The Frisky: Downsides of online dating

Keep expectations in check

Obviously a lot savvier than I, Hines says, "I never go into it thinking I'll meet a boyfriend."

I wasn't so clever. Though I eventually did find one that stuck, I can't even count how many times I thought I'd found the one, only to discover that he was actually the very wrong one. The bass-player with the incurable STD he wanted to share. Or the nerdy younger dude who surrounded himself with a coven of dramatic, needy exes. Or the . . . well, you get the idea. For every one nice, sane, normal dude there are approximately 40,000 freaks. The Frisky: Automatic Online dating dealbreakers

I'm sorry, but if you haven't met him in person, you're not "in love"

I am always astonished and horrified by couples that announce that they're "dating" when they've only ever "met" online. Exchange a couple emails, graduate to a phone call or two (a bad voice can be a big turnoff) and make plans to meet in person ASAP.

Believe me, you do not want to be sharing super intimate details with someone over IM and then discover he smells like rancid cheese or looks like your grandfather in real life. Awkward! The Frisky: Five online dating types to avoid!

Banish your inner detective

This is possibly the most crazy-making aspect of online dating -- depending on the site you're using, it's possible to see if your date is online, when his profile was last active, and if he's updated it.

Like me, Twanna's occasionally found herself on the dark side. "I'd sign on in stealth mode so they couldn't tell I was logged on. I'd check the site several times a week -- sometimes more than once a day -- just to make sure they weren't logged on." The Frisky: Real dating advice for the technological age


While it may require super-human strength, my suggestion is that you take an hour or two, select a number of prospects, contact them, and then severely limit the time you spend browsing. Whether that's 15 minutes a day or one set hour a week, you can't let it eat into your real life.

While the sheer number of men available is overwhelming, don't let it keep you from meeting people the old-fashioned way. You know -- through chat lines! The Frisky: Online dating dos and don'ts

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