Editor's note: Glenn Beck is on CNN Headline News nightly at 7 and 9 ET and also hosts a conservative national radio talk show. Tonight, his guest on Headline News will be libertarian Bob Barr.
Glenn Beck has been watching the convention from home and doesn't believe everything he's hearing.
NEW YORK (CNN) -- Here at the Glenn Beck program, the budget isn't exactly that impressive. We're not the federal government, with a limitless American Express card that we never have to pay off.
So, instead of traveling to Denver, Colorado, and reporting on the Democratic National Convention in a fancy suit like a real show, I get to watch the speeches at my house in my boxers. Sorry for that image. Here are my impressions of some of the noteworthy quotes from the convention so far, which I observed from a safe distance.
Nancy Pelosi: "I am very proud of the Democrats in Congress."
Never mind that no Congress in the past 20 years has passed fewer public laws than this one, according to the Wall Street Journal. How could they?
They are spending one quarter of their work week debating and passing symbolic measures such as creating National Watermelon Month. The Journal says no Congress in the past two decades has proposed more symbolic resolutions than this one -- 1,900, for those of you keeping score at home.
Pelosi went on to mention 10 specific accomplishments, which worked out to 0.9 accomplishments per percentage point of congressional approval rating. Ten accomplishments, 9% approval.
Nancy Pelosi: "On the most important policy decision of our time, the war in Iraq, Barack Obama is right and John McCain is wrong -- very, very wrong."
By her definition, do you know who else was very, very wrong? The Democratic vice presidential nominee, Sen. Joe Biden. And the last vice president they nominated, John Edwards. And the guy he ran with, John Kerry. And your headline speaker Tuesday night, Hillary Clinton, among many, many others.
Michelle Obama: "That's why I left a job at a law firm for a career in public service, working to empower young people to volunteer in their communities."
Michelle Obama's chosen career path led her to make $275,000 per year at a private hospital. Is that really a "public service" job?
It seems to me that a Republican wouldn't be able to get away with such a generous assessment of their résumé. They would surely be harassed for making a six-figure salary inside the evil health care industry, while millions suffer without insurance.
But hey, there's nothing wrong with making money, at least to me. And remember, she didn't say she was volunteering. She said she was "working to empower young people to volunteer," which is totally different.
Michelle Obama: Barack Obama will achieve his goals "the same way he always has -- by bringing us together and reminding us how much we share and how alike we really are."
How will he do it? He'll talk everyone into it. Yes, that has worked with his nomination, but can he "remind" me into wanting the government to pay for universal everything?
I don't think so. I must not be hoping hard enough for change.
Michelle Obama: If her husband wins, her children can tell their kids someday that they "decided to stop doubting and to start dreaming."
Sometimes doubting is good. For example, it's good to doubt that other countries' failing policies, such as universal health care, will suddenly work here.
Hillary Clinton: "John McCain doesn't think that 47 million people without health insurance is a crisis."
She must have missed the update that this number dropped by over a million. While it's still too high, I doubt she would have missed the news if it had risen.
She also missed, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, that 37 percent of the uninsured live in households making more than $50,000 a year, most of which can afford health insurance.
Twenty percent aren't even citizens of this country. One in three are eligible for government insurance, but aren't enrolled. So, while our health care is far from perfect, it's much better than Hillary wants you to believe.
Hillary Clinton: "I will always remember the boy who told me his mom worked for the minimum wage and that her employer had cut her hours."
So, how will raising the minimum wage get that mom more hours? If the business owner found her employment too expensive at the lower wage, won't they be cutting her hours even more now?
By the way, since the minimum wage increase, teenage unemployment is at a 15-year high. I'm sure there's no relation whatsoever.
Joe Biden: "Even today, as oil companies post the biggest profits in history ... John wants to give them another $4 billion in tax breaks."
Here is the justification behind this talking point:
1.) John McCain wants to cut corporate income taxes for all companies.
2.) Oil companies are companies.
Democrats believe that you think oil companies are mean, so they single them out, hoping you think McCain has cut a special deal just for them. He hasn't.
I guess it's really hard to drum up anger against your opponent when you say, "John McCain wants to cut taxes for companies that make delicious ice cream sundaes, feed the puppies of toddlers and fix veterans' wheelchairs," but that's just as truthful as what Biden said.
Tonight, it's Barack Obama, at a football stadium, in front of what Reuters says looks like a Greek temple. Next week, we'll get to watch the Republicans' attempt at choreographed pageantry.
Am I the only one who can't wait for November fifth?
The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the writer.