Taking the kids: Touring college campuses

(Tribune Media Services) -- Laurel Herter wishes she'd canceled the college tour trip as soon as she heard the dismal forecast.

And the fact that there was a convention of bedazzled transvestites at the Providence, Rhode Island, hotel didn't help, she said.

Ultimately, Herter's daughter, Erica, decided against the Rhode Island School of Design -- her grandmother's alma mater and where her family had hoped she'd enroll. Herter thinks the hotel experience and the foul weather played a big role in her daughter's decision.

But that's the way it is with college tours. You can never tell what will appeal to your child (everyone is playing Frisbee on the quad!) or turn him off (The tour guide had too many piercings!)

"There's a lot to be said for that immediate gut reaction," observes Arlene Matthews, a college counselor and author of "Getting In Without Freaking Out" (Three Rivers Press). "It's all about whether they feel good there."

Sure it's better to visit campuses during the school year, but many of us squeeze in a visit or three when we're traveling during the summer. After all, we're going to be in Boston for a wedding or Chicago for a meeting or heading to the beach in Southern California. Why not stop at a campus or two, even if your daughter is only a sophomore.

We're likely to have plenty of company on the tours because kids are applying to -- and visiting -- more colleges, the National Association for College Admission Counseling reports. A growing number of families, in fact, are opting to send their teens off with companies like College Visits, www.college-visits.com, which is run by a former Johns Hopkins University admissions official.

But before you start tearing your hair out about the competition or the tour process, remember that the majority of schools still accept most of those who apply. That should be your mantra as you hear tour guides warn how much more "selective" this university or that college has become. "You've got to realize there is not one perfect school for anyone," says Kim Johnston, the director of admissions at the University of Maine, and the incoming president of the NACAC.

Most important, you should try to inject a dose of fun into the whole process, Johnston and other admissions professionals urge. Splurge on a nice hotel or a fancy dinner. Take in some local sites. Revel in the time together with your son or daughter, even though they'd probably rather be on the beach than touring a campus on a hot, sticky day.

Believe me I've been there. I've endured long car rides to a campus only to face a child who refused to get out of the car once we arrived. I've tried to buck up a child so rattled by a pompous tour guide that she was convinced she wouldn't get in anywhere. I've gotten lost on unfamiliar roads and eaten cold pizza for dinner after we discovered that all the restaurants in the small college town closed by 8 p.m.

But we've also had some good laughs along the way. Here's how to de-stress the tour process this summer:

Insist that your child take charge. "This is their initiation into adulthood," says Pennsylvania Pediatrician Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, co author of the American Academy of Pediatrics' book "Less Stress, More Success" about the college admissions process. "This has to be their process." That means the kids should decide where to visit, call and make the appointments and introduce themselves at the admissions office when they arrive.

Take a virtual tour before you set out to see campuses. The university or college Web site can give your son or daughter a sense of the place and perhaps help them to narrow down their selection -- big or small, rural or urban -- before you set out on a cross-country trek. Also suggest they check out student blogs posted on the Web sites.

Make appointments. Arlene Matthews adds that it's a mistake to just arrive on campus without calling ahead to arrange a tour or information session. "Schools want to know that you're interested," she explains. "Any contact is a good contact."

Plan for down time whether it's around the hotel pool, the local beach or theme park. Check the region's tourism Website to see what's happening in the area. Often, college sites will suggest off-campus activities as well.

Consider B&Bs when visiting small college towns. I discovered the innkeepers were a wealth of information about everything from campus sports to local restaurants and shopping. You'll likely meet other families touring the same schools and can compare notes.

Leave the siblings behind if they're a lot younger. They'll just be bored anyway. If you're taking a morning from vacation to tour a school, and have another adult with you, take the younger kids elsewhere.

Keep quiet and let your son or daughter ask the questions on the tour. You know whatever you say will embarrass them anyway. Use the time when you're in the car or over dinner to discern their feelings about the school. What did they like? What didn't they like? Suggest they jot down a few notes.

Pare down the itinerary. More than two schools a day and it all becomes a blur: More than three days and it's too much to digest in one stretch.

Remind them -- and yourself -- that they will find a school -- and hopefully several schools -- that they will like and that will welcome them.

"It's going to go so quickly," says Marty O'Connell, a veteran college admissions counselor and executive director of Colleges That Change Lives, www.ctcl.com. "You won't have another opportunity to be with your child like this."

Now if you can just get them to unplug their iPod and talk to you. E-mail to a friend

(For more Taking the Kids, visit www.takingthekids.com, where Eileen Ogintz welcomes your questions and comments.)

Copyright 2009 EILEEN OGINTZ, DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC.

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