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A few words from Richard Jeni

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(CNN) -- With a cynical eye, Richard Jeni mined his Catholic boyhood, New York heritage and difficulties with romantic relationships for material. Here are bits from some of his routines, culled from around the Internet:

  • "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.' "
  • On religion: "You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend."
  • "The way I see it, we're all on the Hindenberg. Why fight over the window seats?"
  • "It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!"
  • Defining "Platypus Man," the title of one of his UPN series and one of his comedy specials: "An adult male human that attempts to mate frequently but spends most of its time alone."
  • "I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, OK, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future."
  • "My mother never saw the irony of calling me a son of a bitch."
  • "You know what the average person is? Average."




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