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 Remaining gracious in the face of tragedyBy Keith Oppenheim  Kristian Menchaca, 23, of Houston, Texas, told his family he would return from Iraq a hero. Behind the ScenesIn our Behind the Scenes series, CNN correspondents share their experiences covering the news and analyze the stories behind the events.
YOUR E-MAIL ALERTSBROWNSVILLE, Texas (CNN) -- One of the hardest things we do as reporters is talk to people who are grieving. Just imagine what it must be like for military families struggling with the heartbreaking news that their son or daughter has died. On top of their grief, they have to cope with reporters and television crews who show up at their door and ask for interviews. Yet to my surprise, people often say yes. And the relatives of Pfc. Kristian Menchaca couldn't have been more gracious at one of the worst moments they'll ever know. We went to the home of the soldier's mother, Maria Vasquez, in Brownsville, Texas. We were let in and saw her sitting at a table, surrounded by other women who were consoling her. Maria Vasquez's sad eyes said it all. She did not want to speak on camera, but she appreciated our sympathy. The family arranged for a cousin, Juan Vasquez, to talk about the family's ordeal. "I think deep down inside, I know it's him, and he is dead," Juan Vasquez said, fighting back tears. Menchaca was one of two American soldiers kidnapped last week when insurgents attacked a checkpoint south of Baghdad. A third soldier was killed during the attack. At first, the family held out hope Menchaca could be alive. But it didn't last long. On Tuesday, U.S. military officials said two bodies had been discovered the previous night, and one was probably Menchaca's and the other probably was that of Pfc. Thomas Lowell Tucker of Oregon. (Full story) Juan Vasquez and I spoke in the backyard of the home where his younger cousin spent most of his teenage years. Vasquez, eight years older than Menchaca, said his cousin never really knew his father. "I think I was a role model for him," Vasquez said. Vasquez said the family had been supportive of Menchaca's decision to serve in Iraq, but they were also worried, especially when he came home for a short leave about a month ago. "According to my aunt and uncle," Vasquez told me, "he was having trouble sleeping. He was very nervous." And perhaps for good reason. Vasquez said his cousin told him about two close calls he had in just his first few months on patrol: He came close to injury when a roadside bomb exploded, and escaped another time when insurgents attempted an ambush. Still, there was talk of the future. Menchaca married just before he went overseas. "He was looking for that life after the military. Maybe go to the border patrol or something. Start a life," Vasquez said. Now, those dreams are a memory. The family is waiting for the body to be flown to Dover, Delaware, where pathologists can confirm his identity. Relatives have been horrified by reports that Menchaca may have been tortured and his body mutilated -- a fate "I wouldn't wish ... on any insurgent," said Juan Vasquez staring at the ground as if it was too much to think about, much less discuss. Juan Vasquez opened his cell phone and showed us eight different pictures of his cousin dressed in Army fatigues. He also showed us photos from when Kris Menchaca was in second grade, and we could see the boy who became a man. Now, there was nothing he could do but wait for confirmation. Vasquez said the family's hope was that by the weekend the remains of his cousin would come home to Brownsville so the family could prepare for a funeral. "It must feel very incomplete right now," I asked Juan. "Yeah," he said. "We need that closure." 
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