It pays to be popular at work
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For years we've heard that it's more important to be respected than liked. Yet study after study is proving conventional wisdom wrong -- finding that the road to success is more often a series of popularity contests.
Research at Columbia University shows that jobs, pay raises and promotions are more apt to be awarded based on a worker's charisma than on academic background or professional qualifications.
Outplacement firm Challenger, Gray and Christmas found that hiring and firing decisions boil down to how well people are liked by their supervisors. "It's not enough just to do a good job; you have to be likeable in the eyes of your employer," says company president James Challenger.
The good news is likeability is a skill that can be learned. After two years and a quarter million pages of research, Tim Sanders, leadership coach at Yahoo! and author of "The Likeability Factor," has unlocked the secrets to having a magnetic personality.
"When people encounter you, they subconsciously ask themselves four questions that determine your likeability or "L-factor," Sanders explains. "First, they seek friendliness. Then, they ask themselves if you are relevant to them. Next, they ponder whether you have empathy for them. Finally, they ask themselves if you are 'real' -- that is, authentic and honest. If the answers to those four questions are affirmative, you receive a high likeability factor."
To up your "L-factor," Sanders offers four steps:
1. Be friendlier -- Your friendliness is a function of your ability to communicate openness and welcome to others. Make an effort to greet people cheerfully, smile often and adopt a friendly mindset that you communicate through positive body language and words.
2. Raise your relevance -- Your relevance has to do with your connection to others' interests, wants and needs. The more relevant you are, the more people like you. Relevance has three levels:
Find ways to connect with the interests and needs of others. Know what they're passionate about outside of work. Be aware of their emotional needs and willing to respond to them.
3. Show empathy -- Your empathy reflects your capacity to see things from another person's point of view. When you connect with people's feelings, and they believe you're "with them," it delivers a psychological hug. Ask yourself, do you:
By making yourself more emotionally available, your connection with people -- and your likeability -- will grow dramatically.
4: Keep it real -- "Realness," or genuineness, is consistency between your beliefs and actions. To be true to yourself and others, you need to:
The more you live by your values the more your perceived realness will elevate. If people decide you're not genuine, they will discount your friendliness, relevance and empathy -- and probably dislike you.
"Basically, likeability comes down to creating positive emotional experiences in others," Sanders says. "When you make others feel good, they tend to gravitate to you."
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