EW review: 'Closer' oozes intensity
Award-winning film is no love story, but there are things to like
By Dalton Ross
Entertainment Weekly
(Entertainment Weekly) -- When you look at the DVD box for "Closer," you see four very famous faces staring at you. You see Oscar nominations and Golden Globe wins touted.
You see that there are basically no bonus features to speak of. And you also see something a tad misleading. "At last, a love story for adults,'' reads a glowing quote from Time magazine.
Love story? I watched all 104 minutes of this devious depressorama and I didn't find one act of love in the entire thing.
Let's see. There's the time the obituaries writer (Jude Law) tells his kooky stripper girlfriend (Natalie Portman) that he's been having a yearlong affair with a photographer (Julia Roberts).
And the time said photographer tells her sex-obsessed dermatologist husband (Clive Owen) how much better the obituaries writer is in the sack. (And let's not even get into the hot-and-heavy online sex chat between the obituaries writer and the dermatologist.)
"Closer" doesn't exactly make the best date movie, but that's not to say it doesn't ooze intensity and contain a couple of hypnotic performances. While I'm not buying Portman, who -- Golden Globe notwithstanding -- seems wildly miscast as a needy pole-dancer, and Law is fine as the skeezy charmer, it is Oscar nominee Owen who is nothing short of mesmerizing, providing the film's funniest moments (yes, there are a few) and its scariest, as he alternates between wounded victim and competitive caveman. And Roberts (who barely cracks a smile throughout the entire movie) makes one of her most understated and painful (in a good way) turns.
There may not be a lot of love in "Closer," but at least there are some things to like.
EW Grade: B-
'Orgazmo'
Reviewed by Mandi Bierly
A Mormon missionary with martial-arts skills (writer-director Trey Parker) accidentally penetrates the porn world and finds himself portraying a super-hero to earn money for his wedding.
More than a love story, "Orgazmo" is a lampoon of cable TV ''titty movies,'' a metaphor for the Colorado-bred South Park creators' intro to Hollywood, and an excuse for Parker to see his buddy Dian Bachar ("Orgazmo's" sidekick Choda Boy) wear a dildo on his head.
Extras: The unrated version and Ron Jeremy-free supporting-cast commentary may fall limp, but Parker & Co.'s Macallan 12-fueled commentary -- recorded over the film and deleted scenes in 2001 -- should satisfy those jonesin' for this long-shelved release.
Also included: a third audio track featuring fans like Bob Odenkirk, who channels John Huston (''This is a story that I wanted to tell with Humphrey Bogart'') and Akira Kurosawa; outtakes that confirm Parker's weakness for fart throwing (his giggling ruins 10 takes); and multiple behind-the-genius interviews and featurettes (which yield the requisite anti-MPAA rant, Parker's on-set directive to act badly -- ''like Chuck Norris bad'' -- and the revelation that "Orgazmo" was conceived as a musical).
EW Grade: C-
'America's Next Top Model: Cycle One'
Reviewed by Jennifer Armstrong
If any pop-cult phenomenon is disposable, it's reality TV -- but damn if Miss Tyra Banks and her virgin batch of model wannabes don't look just as fierce today in "America's Next Top Model."
There's no expiration date on the pleasures of watching Banks torture these beauties with freezing-cold bikini shoots, snakes and the caustic Janice Dickinson.
No contestants have been as memorable as Bible-thumping plus-sizer Robin, lesbian queen Ebony or intellectual waif Elyse -- not to mention the winner-turned-"Surreal Life" star, Adrianne. Do we need to revisit no-name hotties getting Brazilian waxes? No. Is it fun anyway? Yes.
Extras: ''Casting Call'' could use more audition footage and less Tyra. ''Reliving the First Season'' offers a few tidbits (those 10-minute eliminations sometimes took five hours to film) but nothing worth sitting through. And the ''Two Jays'' -- ''runway diva'' J. Alexander and makeup artist Jay Manuel -- are great, but they don't merit their own video tribute.
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