Kathryn Burkholder's journal
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Kathryn Burkholder is trying to kick the smoking habit as well as learn more healthy habits while still young.
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(CNN) -- During the eight weeks of the New You Resolution program, participants are keeping a journal. Experts recommend journal-keeping in helping to set goals and implement action for change. Below are excerpts from participant Kathryn Burkholder's journal from the past week, with the most current at the top.
February 19
My biggest accomplishment today was: relaxing even though some work events made me tense.
Today my friend, Judy, who is a flight instructor, took a group of us to the Pentagon Club at the airport near my house for dinner. It is an old air traffic control tower that has been converted into a very small private club. You climb up many steps and end up in a five-sided glass room with great views of the city. It was lots of fun, but you definitely cannot smoke there. It takes a long time to get out of the building and get to a place where you can smoke. It was nice to be able to go there and enjoy the views without having to make two or three trips outside to smoke.
February 17
Most of the day I felt: hungry and pre-occupied by food.
I wish I could smoke because it would be easier than thinking about mundane things like what to feed myself. The funny thing is, the more I think about food, the worse my food choices are.
My exercise log: Yoga 15 or 20 minutes.
February 16
Today, I: Worked, had lunch with Kelley, cleaned out the bathroom closet, took at the shelving for the plumber, and watched a movie.
My exercise log: using a hammer and a pry bar. OK... so that is not really exercise.
Today, I treated myself by: having pizza for dinner
My biggest accomplishment today was: eating two slices of pizza and throwing the rest away, so I wouldn't be tempted to eat it for the next couple of days.
Things that made it easy not to smoke: I was feeling to lazy to smoke.
Logically, I think of smoking more when I am bored. As much as I have to do, occasionally there is nothing left to do or at least nothing that I feel like doing. That is the hardest time not to smoke. At times like these I rely on Judy's "no inertia here" theory, and do nothing. It is the easiest way not to smoke.
February 15
My biggest accomplishment today was: Not letting anxiety get the better of me, now that stress, good and bad, is creeping back into my life at a greater rate.
Things that made it hard not to smoke: Wishing that there was some end to thinking about smoking. I wish that after 46 days, I would magically be cured and never have to think about smoking again.
February 14
Having a friend in town reminded me of summer at the lake in New Hampshire, and how much fun we had while smoking. I know now that we would have just as much fun if we didn't smoke, but sometimes it doesn't seem that way.
It is nice not to have to brush my teeth eight times a day to have fresh breath or to have to go outside to smoke when I would rather just be with my boyfriend. I don't feel as guilty as I used to feel when I smoked.
February 13
Things that made it easy not to smoke: A very good chocolate for dessert and Bobquits.com -- Knowing other people are going through the same thing makes it better.
Things that made it hard not to smoke: General increase in anxiety level lately as life gets busier.
Had a few moments where it would have been far easier to go buy cigarettes. The longer I go, the better I am at deflecting these thoughts, but the thought, while less frequent, can have more intensity.
February 12
My biggest accomplishment today was: Swimming 50 laps while going at a relatively decent speed even though I would rather have sat on the sofa and watched "Friends." When I was done, I felt much better than if I had stayed on the sofa, but probably not as good as I would have if we had gone out for Mexican.
February 10
Today, I worked, went to dinner at Apre Diem, and went to see "My Fair Lady" at the Alliance Theater.
It was nice not to have to smoke with the friends I went out with last night. They are all really interesting women and none of them smoke. One of them probably even hates smoking, but fortunately for both of us, does not hate smokers, or we would have missed out on being great friends.
February 9
I waver between being very glad I am not smoking, and having a nostalgic feeling for it. It was a boring night because I had to get a lot of things done around the house. I have to make myself take a break like I would if I still smoked, or I feel like I didn't get to relax the whole day.
February 8
Things that made it hard not to smoke: Baking bread. There is a lot of down time in baking bread, time I would use to smoke in my old life. Now I watch TV instead. It is not the same sense of peace that I would get smoking and reading a book, but except for about 15 or 20 minutes when I was very anxious, it was almost as much fun.
Today was the first time I went somewhere that I didn't absolutely have to go in the car by myself. I drove around and looked at houses for about an hour and then drove to a restaurant to get breakfast. It wasn't too bad. I think my fear of having an anxiety attack and ending up in a convenience store was far greater than the reality of it, though I am very grateful for pay at the pump.
February 7
Today was lots of fun because I could do what ever I wanted, and it turned out to be a very full day. It is my first weekend without my boyfriend to shepherd me, since he is out of town. I am nervous that it will be very difficult. It is more difficult than when he is here, when things go even the least bit wrong, then I have a very strong urge to smoke.
February 5
My exercise log: Not doing that this week. No time, unless I cut out sleep, which isn't happening.
Today, I treated myself by: ordering a rabbit faux-fur coat. I have wanted one since I was 7. I can't wait to see what [pet] Joe Bunny thinks of it. I hope it doesn't look too pimpish.
I am getting tired of focusing on my diet (which isn't suppose to be a diet, but a lifestyle ???). It monopolizes my thoughts, which just makes me want to eat more. For the last 10 nights, I have had someone over or gone out every night save one. That makes it really hard to eat without becoming one of those people with self-imposed "dietary restrictions." Like I am really going to say, "No, I'll have salad with no dressing, I know you made cheesy potatoes because they're my favorite, but I have a Velveeta allergy tonight."
February 4
I am most grateful for: the person who taught me that almost every restaurant will do takeout, not just those serving pizza and Chinese.
If nothing ever annoyed me, I had a personal chef, and maybe a trainer with a stun gun, I might be able to stick with the no-fat, lots of exercise "lifestyle." I think I am doing OK on the smoking part, and that might have to be enough. The stress of doing all the other stuff probably takes more time off of my life than it adds.
February 1
Today I thought about smoking about 50 or 60 times, a big reduction from the first few weeks, but an increase over the past week or so. It is very annoying to have to constantly divert your thoughts, but not as annoying as it was a few weeks ago. People who have quit before promise me it will keep getting better. I am holding out for that.
January 31
My biggest accomplishment today was going one whole month without a single cigarette. I suppose I should feel some sense of accomplishment, but mostly, I just feel like it has been a very long month. I am glad to have it behind me, and never want to have another month like this one again.
January 29
Things that made it hard not to smoke: Those periods when you think that it would be much easier to slip back into your old life, and that your new life feels like you are wearing a yellow slicker on a 100 degree day.
I do not believe that I would go to the store and buy a pack of cigarettes after 29 days of not smoking, but my confidence that I will be able to never smoke ever again is a bit shaky. I know it would be easy to slip right back to where I was before I quit, and that is not a pleasant thought.
January 28
Irrationally, I still miss smoking, but today someone reminded me that the same things would still happen to me if I were smoking. Smoking does not make things more fun, as my mind would sometimes have me believe.
January 26
Today was relatively easy, since I had very little time to think about smoking, and when I did, I didn't have time to do it anyway. The weather being cold and rainy made the thought of smoking, even in the car, sound unpleasant. My biggest accomplishment today was not snacking after work.
January 25
Most of the time now, I do not want to smoke. I still have some envy for those who are smoking, when they walk by or I see them smoking in the car. I remember how relaxing it can seem. When I think about it rationally, I know that now I am much more relaxed and have much more time to do the things I really want to do.
January 24
Today, I went to the mountains to go hiking [for two and a half hours]. My biggest accomplishment today was keeping going even when my lungs felt like they were filled with golf balls.
January 18
Today seemed easier than the last two days. I was relatively relaxed and able to do some of the things that I did in my normal/smoking life without thinking about smoking.
January 17
It is getting better. Today I went out for a second time and it wasn't as annoying as the first time. I am still very moody/anxious and my friends have told me that I sometimes behave strangely. I think this is because I have to develop new coping skills in situation where previously I would excuse myself to smoke. I definitely need more practice.
January 16
Today was a test because I went out, which I haven't done since I quit smoking. It went ok, not great. Did not feel like myself most of the time.
January 15
I am glad I didn't smoke today. I was VERY hungry today and yesterday and wonder if that is the beginning of the changing metabolism that happened the times I have quit for more than a couple of weeks.
Things that made it hard not to smoke: Thinking about places I would like to go and then thinking that they would not be fun because I would want to smoke. There are lots of those places.
January 14
Things that made it easy not to smoke: Tea, Zyban, and the thought of emphysema
I am starting to get tired of thinking about not smoking. Being busy seems to be a key to not being anxious about thinking about smoking.
January 12
Going back to work provides new opportunities for wanting to smoke. Since I can't exercise at work, I have to make do with drinking tea. Driving the car makes me really want to smoke. The counselor suggested that I eat sunflower seeds to help, but I don't like them, thus won't eat them, so I am trying bottled water while in the car.
January 10
Today, though pretty good, definitely had irritable periods. I do not have the patience that I normally have, and I cannot find more patience anywhere. My poor friends.
January 6
Very busy today. Only occasionally thought of smoking and then easily put it out of mind.
January 3
Morning was horrible, constant thought about smoking. Had a couple of serious cravings and continual short ones. After 3 o'clock, leveled off to only about 1 per hour.
January 2
Constantly think of smoking at work and when getting in the car. Able to go to lunch alone OK. ... Irritable at Charlie, mad at pharmacy, cried [I was] so mad. Feel bad and annoyed.
January 1
Feel like in a fog. Think about smoking many times an hour.
