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'Idol' judge Simon Cowell lets it ripGetting Simonized
(PEOPLE) -- Back for a second season as the cattiest of talent judges on American Idol, British pop producer Simon Cowell, 43, took a moment out of his busy schedule terrifying contestants to oblige PEOPLE with snap judgments on matters major and trivial. He even has some advice for Ben Affleck and Michael Jackson -- which you'll read only on PEOPLE.com. Cloning "Those Raelians are completely nuts. It's like watching an old edition of 'Star Trek.' The idea of cloning myself isn't bad. But not with that lot." Mariah Carey's comeback "Was there one? I'm not sure if anyone cares anymore. If you're going to come back, it has to be with an awesome record, like Kylie Minogue's." The royal family's messes "They're a family like any other, they make mistakes, they're human. But the royal family is what makes England special. I love it." "Chicago" the movie "Not sure I could sit through it. Musicals bore me. On 'Idol,' we restrict each song to a minute and a half." The Justin-Britney to-and-fro "If I were him, I'd be playing the field at this point. And I don't find her sexy. Actually I find the whole thing rather dreary." Carbs vs. proteins "I don't know anything about that. All I think about is, 'Do I like the taste?' " North Korea "Have you seen the way they march? They're like robots." Kelly Osbourne "I don't think she can sing." Eminem "I have a lot of respect for him. He is the voice of a generation, whether you like it or not. He's very consistent and he's very smart." "The Bachelorette" "I think [Trista Rehn] will be back on the singles market in a year. I met her, and I told her to give me a call when she is." Michael Jackson "How the mighty fall. It really is the final straw for this guy. Just when you think things can't get any worse, he holds his baby out of a window. It's actually quite unbelievable. I suppose he'll blame Sony for that, as well." Winona Ryder "Only in Hollywood could that happen -- it really was hysterical. But she is more interesting now than she was before." Saddam Hussein "History. He's over, isn't he? He ought to get out now." Whitney Houston "If she was a friend of mine and she ever asked me for advice -- which is hard to imagine -- I'd say, 'Dump the husband!'" The last movie he saw "'Analyze That.' Absolutely dreadful. What a load of crap. Pointless." J.Lo and Ben "Good luck to him."
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