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Bruce Vilanch tells you how to write the Oscars

Vilanch
Vilanch has been one of the writers for the Oscar show for 14 years.  


By Paul Clinton
CNN

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- Bruce Vilanch, the openly gay writer/comedian best-known as the "Hollywood Squares" guest with red glasses, wild mop of blond hair, and zany T-shirts, assumes another role this time of year: head Oscar writer.

Vilanch has another life -- he's written for Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg, Steve Martin, and even Donny and Marie Osmond -- but award shows are his bread and butter. This is his 14th year with the Academy Awards.

CNN talked to Vilanch -- or rather listened to him, because you can't get a word in edgewise -- just a few days before Oscar night about what it takes to write the words for one of the most-watched programs of the year.

CNN: Where do you get your material year after year?

Vilanch: The nice thing is the academy serves up a whole new raft of movies every year, so the movies are what actually fuel the ideas -- other than having the everyday trauma of "AM I FUNNY TODAY?!" Then I look in the mirror and say, "Yes, you're still funny."

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CNN's Paul Clinton talks with the producer and one of the writers of this year's Academy Awards show (March 20)

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CNN: The academy seems to deal with such serious films [and issues]. This year it seems to be mental illness, "Iris," "Beautiful Mind," "I Am Sam." Is that a problem?

Vilanch: That's typical of the academy. I don't know why that is. They're in therapy now. Hey, there's still Hobbits running around, and there's still girls in can-can skirts. There's a couple of things we can still make fun of, still use as a base. It's always a challenge, but who said mental illness isn't funny? Even my shrink laughed.

CNN: Do you ever freeze the show [finalize it before air] or are you writing throughout?

Vilanch: We're writing constantly. We're in the wings with Whoopi, with the host, watching TV and eating delicatessen, because it's a long night.

CNN: If you're writing on the fly, how do you deal with ABC censors? Don't they have to approve the material?

Vilanch: We'll get the censor on the phone. On the hotline! We can get her away from what she's eating. We're all eating. It's a long day you know.

CNN: What will you do about September 11? Will you acknowledge it all?

Vilanch: We'll certainly acknowledge it -- I mean, it's a part of the show. There are a couple of moments planned to be in there, that are about that. Obviously we can't ignore it, but a lot of time has passed.

CNN: Has there ever been a joke you didn't use that you wish you had just gone with?

Vilanch: There was one time Billy Crystal ... at the end of the show he was going to [do a Paula Jones joke]. And he didn't do it because he was afraid of the "call from Bill." "It's Bill, caught the show last night. Have you had your taxes audited this year?"

CNN: There are so many parties after the awards every year, so do you always hit the circuit?

Vilanch: If the show has gone well I go to as many as I can. If it's not a great year I'm in a Bronco on the 405, heading for the border with a football player at the wheel.






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