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Looks aren't everything

Review: A dull game of 'Tomb Raider'

Jolie


By Paul Tatara
CNN Reviewer

(CNN) -- Angelina Jolie's calculated image as a sexy, knife-loving wild woman perfectly suits the role of Lara Croft, the thrill-seeking heroine of yet another big budget action assault, "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider." She's a dead ringer for the woman who millions of computer nerds have come to know and love, and she throws herself into action scenes with charismatic abandon.

But Hollywood likes to conveniently forget that looks aren't everything. Legitimate story momentum suffers the most when everyone is so wrapped up in the special effects.

Based on the hugely popular computer game of the same name, "Tomb Raider" relies on the inherent coolness of its lead character to keep you interested. As Croft, Jolie gets to swing on ropes, fire two pistols simultaneously, turn back-flips, sled across ice flows, dive off of cliffs, battle assorted CGI baddies, and dangle from a variety of ungainly mechanical contraptions. She even manages to slap a guy in the face with the rear tire of her motorcycle.

But Jolie isn't allowed to communicate anything beyond nerves of steel and a nonexistent pain threshold. Knowing looks and arched eyebrows are as expressive as Jolie gets; three consecutive sentences count as a soliloquy. If you don't view Lara's willingness to kick people in the face as a window to her soul, you'll be very disappointed.

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Angelina Jolie stars in 'Tomb Raider'

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Though the obvious point of reference is Indiana Jones, Lara is very much a female variation on Tim Burton's half-interested updating of the Batman character: She's rich, graceful, athletic, supposedly obsessed with a dead parent, and, in her downtime, close to somnambulant. But that's about all we know. Character shadings take a back seat to confusing exposition and feeble mysticism.

Waiting for action

Lara is the daughter of the late, lamented Lord Croft (Jon Voight, Jolie's real-life dad). She lives in a cavernous mansion surrounded by high-tech weapons, various bungee cords, and relics she's stolen from tombs around the world. Her barely there sidekick, Bryce (Noah Taylor), designs and builds the mechanisms required to keep her running and jumping and twisting and turning and stabbing and shooting. When she's done testing them, she takes a slow-motion shower.

"Tomb Raider" opens with a bang. The opening sequence is a flashy, exciting battle with a spider-like robot. But then director Simon West shifts the rhythm into low while you wait for another action sequence.

And wait. And wait.

This wouldn't be so bad if it felt like important details were accumulating, if there was some sense that Lara is being pulled deeper into a dangerous situation. But the story revolves around the search for two halves of an ancient artifact that's been buried in different parts of the world. We're supposed to be horrified that whoever nabs them first will be able to control time. Though the bad guy (an empty shell played by Iain Craig) is certainly up to no good, the details of his gang's evil plans are kept on the back burner.

Uncolored cartoon panels

Voight
John Voight, Jolie's father, appears in the movie  

For all its hints at ancient spirituality and deep, dark family secrets, the screenplay can't hide its cartoonish origins. Lara's longing for her father is supposed to be driving her, even though she barely discusses it with anyone. In fact, she barely discusses anything.

Screenwriters Patrick Massett and John Zinman are first-timers, and it shows. The set pieces, when they finally appear, don't arise naturally. They seem spliced in, completely free of the picture's overall tempo.

Action sequences should help define characters and clarify the story line. In "Tomb Raider," they're just hectic interludes partially designed to throw a smokescreen over the rest of the script's emptiness.

Laura and her compatriots all seem well acquainted with one another, but you never feel any kind of human connection between them. Their conversations consist mostly of quietly muttered phrases and cryptic references.

Though "Tomb Raider" is hardly a screeching travesty like "The Mummy Returns," or the last "Batman" movie, it should work a hell of a lot better than it does. Even a much-ballyhooed real-life stopover in Cambodia falls semi-flat. You don't feel like you've been there. It's more like a travel agency brochure has been flashed on the screen.

Prepare yourself to be fairly underwhelmed by "Tomb Raider." The movie's violence is metallic and fast moving, but there's not as much of it as you've come to expect. Meanwhile, thank goodness for body makeup: Rich British women don't have "Billy Bob" tattooed on their arms. Rated PG-13.






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